he used to tell me he loved me…

He used to tell me he loved everything about me,
Used to tell me I was the one made to please him,
Give him the future he deserved to have,
Under a microscope of pressure and hatred out of his own control,
(Because that would mean he was cable of more than that,
And my heart can’t heal knowing he was capable of loving things but me).

He used to shower me with an odd type of affection,
Left me drowning in it,
Never able to surface without his help, and his love,
Not truly loving behind prying eyes,
But just enough for those eyes to be fooled,
Seeing something they thought they saw.
And perhaps this needed to be said,
Needed to be felt so I could learn what love is and isn’t,
But I wish life didn’t have to prove us wrong is some many hurtful ways for us to get the
message,
Because then my heart wouldn’t have to bend and break so many times
Until I can’t recognize it,
Its cracks and missing pieces making up a shadow,
Hollow in its form but I still carry the weight as though it were with me now.

Sometimes it’s okay to be lonely, trust in how my heart never clung to yours,
It’s okay to need the space and let myself be alone,
Because it could have saved me a lot of heartbreak and scars,
Or at least teach me the way love should and shouldn’t be,
So maybe, just maybe I should thank him.
Because he used to tell me he loved me, possessive and lovely and capable of a lot more
hurt and nurture,
But he taught me to grow, to accept the things I can’t change,
To look for the ones I can,
And never let the heart be fool by pretty words and blind affection.