guilty daydreams

What is built on trust, built on faith?
Love it seems, to fall into place at the perfect time,
Lovers that are enchanted with one another,
With stars in their eyes and contentment dripping from their lips,
What a beautiful story, written by the lovers of time,
But that was never the case for you and I.
For we built whatever we had, on lies that bleed truth,
On promises that were merely words and our eyes were always glazed over.
Reflections scattered along the lines of a broken mirror,
I start to wonder why me heart can’t seem to fall for the uncomplicated.

I used to think that fantasies were not worth the trouble and,
Daydreams were a guilty pleasure that never amounted to anything.
What good is it to crave the things you could never possess?
What good could come from wanting what was never yours to have?
But I’ve come to find that fantasies are all I’ve ever known,
Every wishful thought, every dark wanting, every time,
My heart only knew how to fall for others that were just out of my reach.

Oh dear, what a mess I’ve created for myself yet again,
The stories I could tell, filled with enough comedy and tragedy to make Shakespeare weep.
How pathetic it is to want someone that doesn’t know they way you feel for them.
And there is nothing wrong with wanting, with wishing,
But I can’t seem to stop, because you’re such a constant presence.
Yet that is all these fantasies will be, dreams that haunt me in the dead of night,
Thoughts that will never be recreated in life,
But I have grown fond of these fantasies, the reality of the closeness of us we share,
So that is where I will find happiness, or something relatively close,
Because while I cannot have you in the way my heart wants,
I know that I have you in the ways that I could never live without

Po. #7457

Torn form the mouths of babes are the harshest realities,
Never shielded from the innocence of a simple life,
A simple mind and a simple heart, locked through the eyes of a child.
What it must be like to think things clearly,
With no doubt, not an anxious thought to cross their path.
Those things are what I feel with you,
Such a peace of mind I never thought existed.
But what a dangerous line we cross,
Caught between bold and secret intimacies, held back by the boundary of what-if’s and what could never be.

With you things are so easy it scares me,
Because isn’t that what love is suppose to be?
To feel wanted and missed, to know that I will always be able to roam,
It is meant to be good and sensational and perilous. It is thrilling and intoxicating and
easy. So easy and safe, when I’m with you.

Not sure what I make of these newfound feelings,
But I keep trying to smother them down, knowing I can’t feel these butterflies,
For there’s no way this is right and I know it will never be this simple,
We are no longer children, haven’t been since life blindsided us,
And there is no easy way to fix the damage that I have grown used to.
Darling, there is no way this will work between us,
But the safety I long for, the ease you’ve created to fall into, are things I crave.
Knowing that you are here with me is all I can ask for at the moment,
And I will wait for the day that the boundary set in place for us will be lifted.
Maybe one day the stars will align, the gods will bless us; something in whatever
universe will fall into place for us,
And we can explore the easy chemistry our souls created for us.

dear unknown lover

Dear Unknown-lover,
It’s been too long since I’ve yearned for your face,
The need to feel your body pressed against mine,
To have those lips whisper naughty delights upon my thighs,
Oh, what a pretty fantasy my mind spins in the dark,
Never being able to have you in the flesh,
And perhaps that is what adds to the thrill, never knowing yet always yearning.

I wonder when I will find you, when the touch of you will me more than this fleeting dream,
I can never seem to find your face, and all I have left in the mornings is the ache in my heart and the wetness between my legs
You’ve haunted me in my dreams, lingering like the morning mist upon the lake,
Only to scatter once the dawn shines brightly.

I used to think that love was for everyone, but it seems matters of the heart are as complicated as my mind makes them,
And as my mind expands and logic rises,
My emotions fall between the cracks of an scattered brain.
But I did not write this love letter to complain or berate,
But rather, to let you know that I still think of you time and time again,
Hoping one day, fate will happen upon us
Only then will I stop writing you letters in the dark,
Only then will I stop finding temporary comforts in the arms of strangers with pretty smiles,
Until then, though, know that I will sing the praises of another, using their bodies as they use mine,
But is to you my pretty fantasies always return to.

Stars That Burn

Stars that burn, stars that shine so bright,
Tell me what explosions you’ll set off tonight.
Light the way, darkness only knows how to follow the faded light.
So fall into my arms, even though I may not be able to shelter you from this,
And together we can watch the colors bleed and implode.

Stars that burn always leave a lasting impression,
Casting their shadow on every corner, let us gather and marvel.
You smile at me, letting me know that we’ll be okay even in the rough patches,
But I know that the stars that burn brightly in us are dying to emerge,
Setting fire to the very thing we fought to build.

No more shall we let the stars guide us,
For they have long carried their weight on your back,
Flames licking their way down your spine,
The embers fall slowly and delicately, as though to burn your wings,
Charred ruins of a beauty that once was,
So be careful with that flame that burns inside you,
Because as beautiful as it is,
It is just as deadly in the hands of an amateur.

Stars built on fire and flames, destruction in its most beautiful form,
Always too hot to bring about anything long-lasting and pure,
But that’s the thing about people on fire my dear,
For they always burn too brightly, never making it through the night.
Those shadows fade fast and their stars fall harder than the comets,
And I know we thought we could come back from this,
A love made out of space and galaxies of wonder and life,
But far better than us have tried to play God,
Only to be cruelly reminded of their humanity and sins,
I hope you’ve prayed for redemption, both yours and mine
For if there is one thing these stars are capable of,
It is burning, burning, burning until there is nothing worth remembering,

the fantasy of you and me

In my dreams you are mine to hold, to kiss, just mine,
Laughing and playing, beautiful in our imperfections of each other,
Yet the morning always comes and my dreams fade into wishful thoughts.
Reality always did have a harsher bite for frequent dreamers.
These fantasies are more dangerous than I give them credit for,
And they seem to follow me into reality, teasing me of a life that will never be.
I know I should create some distance,
But it’s so hard to fight something as natural as you, and me and whatever this is between us.

I always seem to find love where it isn’t suppose to be,
In the dimly lite light, hidden in the warning signs of a cautious heart, lingering in the hopeless romantic I shield from the world.
Beautiful love stories are found in tragic beginnings and heartbreaking what-ifs,
And I wonder what its like to get my heart broken by someone who doesn’t even know they hold the power to so.

I know I could never quit you, despite the trouble and rumors and looks we get,
And had I known what you would mean to me the first day I saw you,
My heart would have protected herself long ago,
Because as much trouble as you bring, my soul has never found another like yours,
Connecting with an ease that has me scared shitless,
So help me God, but I always did love the trouble sin presents.

You seem happy in the bubble you’ve blown for yourself and yours,
Never letting anyone close enough to splinter it,
But be careful with beautifully blown glass,
For it shatters faster than this fragile heart of mine.
I see you laugh and smile in the arms of another,
And the feeling isn’t jealousy per say,
But there are dark thoughts when I can’t seem to stop myself; wishing life had had a different plan for both of us,
I know these thoughts are wrong, but god help me I can’t stop myself,
Wanting, wishing, praying for things that would have a better person walking away.
So I sit here and imagine things that my mind and heart know aren’t possible,
But the fantasy of me and you is better when I control the outcome,
For I couldn’t imagine a reality where my feelings are known or
Feeling pacified, as though I were a child,
Wanting the things that aren’t theirs simply because they can’t have them.



Tell me…

Tell me you can’t keep your hands to yourself, because I’m too irresistible and you love to see the marks that claim me as yours,
Tell me I’m beautiful as I rub the bruises you left along my arms,
Tell me you love to see me seethe and rage with envy; that’s why you have to flirt with other women, so you know I only see you.
Tell me that your eyes only wander because you’re so lucky to have found me: that she was another way to confirm that I’m the only one for you.
Tell me that I have never looked lovelier in red than when I wear that dress: the one that covers all of my skin and shame.
Tell me you love me; paint the lie as pretty as my face, covered in shimmering concealer and red lips,
Tell me you’ll never find anyone like me; that your affection for me causes your jealously and the need for constant gratification.
Tell me that I should be so lucky; that not just anyone will want me, a washed up scrape of used goods,
Tell me that my worth is found only in you; that I would be nothing if I didn’t have you.

Tell me that I am nothing without you; say it so much that I start to believe it,
And tell me that I will never find anyone like you, until I think that there is no one that will love me the way I am, and that you are my only hope.
Tell me these lies until I believe them as truth,
And watch me fold into the person I used to be, hollowing out to the carcass you crave.
Until the day where you tell me the one lie that I refuse to believe,
And I find myself doubting the very control you sought over me,
Only then will I be able to fight the hold you cast over me,
And only then will I be able to see the controller and the abuse,
But until then, tell me how beautiful I am when I’m on my knees in front of you,
Begging for all the wrong attention.
Tell me how I will never be anything without you; until someone shows me how to be a person without you.

drunken love

Am I drunk in love?
Intoxicated on the essence of you and the way you make my head spin,
Or am I merely a drunken fool?
Too far gone to know when to stop, invincible in my stupor.
Whose to say there’s even a difference,
Maybe they simply bleed into each other, starting off with the best parts until the best parts aren’t enough.
Perhaps that is why drunks cling to the bottle as though it were a lifeline,
Because life is simply too plain and numb when not felt with intense feeling and wide
Perhaps that is why the bottom of a bottle always holds more appeal then the conversation that follows a broken heart.

Have I drunk enough? Have I not even touched the surface?
How can I tell when enough is enough and I’ve have too much,
Because from where I’m sitting, the liquor burns just the same going down as it does out.
Love is such a fickle thing, beautiful and tragic and always craving more than a soul should allow,
Always wanting what it shouldn’t desire, because what’s better than a taboo romance trapped in the longing of a heart that thrives on the attention of the one that will never be theirs.
What is it about the forbidden fruit that has us climbing trees and jumping off its branches?
What could possibly be in those seeds that have us tipsy on the thought alone?
Perhaps it is one of the mysterious working of the heart and her twisted games.
Yet, this addictive taste is what keeps me coming to play the game night after night,
Idealistically hoping the rules to the game will change overnight,
And I would be able to win the game of hearts among cheats and spades.