Moonlit Sun

This became so natural, so easy that I’m almost worried about the backlash,
Because I can’t seem to enjoy these moments without fretting over the future,
Can’t seem to wrap my mind around the possibility of this present.
1, 2, 3, I can’t sleep without you crossing my mind,
You’re getting all the pretty words I used to reserve for page and ink,
1,2,3 I can’t seem to picture you without me,
…Or is it me without you?
1,2,3, here we go again, thrown back into the eye of the storm.
Helpless to the rain, the winds and her charming caresses upon my tear stained cheeks.

Why can’t I seem to trust this the way everyone around has,
Or at least trust in the way they’ve wrapped their concerns in pretty insults and honest love.
And I feel silly, foolish even, because
I’ve never doubted you until I listened to all these voices,
(But I know it comes from a place of love and worry. Can we blame them?)
Yet, these people who don’t know us, don’t know the storms we’ve faced and the waves we’ve created just for a chance to sit upon the shores,
To bask in the moonlit sun, if only for the few hours the sunset gives.
Let us escape into that ocean that shields us from the harsh reality of the storm,
But we can only hold our breath for so long, until the need for certain oxygen suffocates us.
And we find ourselves floating among the waves we created,
The shores just out of our reach.

I guess that trust goes both ways, and I can’t forget the ways I’ve given myself to you,
There, among the shores where we once sat,
Wrapped in nothing but each other,
And that is the memory I chose to lose myself in,
1,2,3, I can’t seem to think of anyone but you,
Can’t think of anyone I’d rather let wreck havoc on this heart of mine,
1,2,3, I never want to picture my without you, you without me,
I never want you to not be waiting on those shores,
Basking in the moonlit sun, as happy to see me as I am you.


The Small Moments of Us

Sometimes I take a step back from all this,
And look into your eyes, and pretend that you’ve been mine all along
But I know this is so fragile, so delicate in its beginnings,
That I have to remind myself to hold my tongue
Let the words choke me, in doubt and these feelings that aren’t what I need.
I had never been the type to wait around for things to make themselves happen,
Never the type to give anyone else the power over me to control that,
Because one wrong word, one moment of lapse trust,
And my life is stuck around another. Stuck in an endless loop of appraisal and needing
validation where I shouldn’t.

Show me the reasons I shouldn’t worry,
I’m worried I could fuck this up before it even begins.
Prove me wrong in the ways no one before you had been able to,
And be patient with the love you’ve pulled from me,
Because she has so, so much to offer,
But she’s grown jaded, hurt and abused from those lovers who couldn’t love the way she needed,
So she lashed out, protection, self-preservation, she doesn’t give it a name anymore.
But she knows you’ve grown on her before she had any say,
And that your familiarity isn’t as scary as she thought.

Sometimes I stop and take a step back from all this,
But it’s never as far as I wish,
And I fear that this is all just a silly dream,
Gone before my eyes open to the morning light that pierces my curtains.
Such a fantasy that I stop myself before the words can leave my mouth,
Before I can utter anything that would change my mind or,
That would change those vivid images that splay across my eyes every night I close them

But when I taste the certain liquor, burning its way to the back of my throat,
Those words ignite and follow the line to my heart,
Reminding me of all the good and great and love I’ve found in the small moments of us,
And I fall for you all over again,
The good, the bad, and everything that makes me smile despite the hard times.

So yes, sometimes I look back on this and wonder what could have been,
Had certain things played out differently or had certain words never been said
But I thank God that I never have to face that reality,
The one without you,
Because despite these doubts and fear, I know you are mine, and will always been mine,
To weather the storm and face the waves of the ocean we once swam in with uncertainty.

Fragile Control

Its seems I can’t get enough of you, a drug I can’t seem to quit,
Your body intoxicates me in ways that make me lose my breath,
An addiction I have no problem submitting to
Though addictions never break with such ease, I never want yours to end.
Time and time again; you bring out such honesty in me;
It’s hard to know what I’ve said and what you’ve learned,
You had always been too observant for your own good.

Control is such a forgotten thing,
Laced in your touch and the way you make my body come to life
The sounds you draw from my mouth,
Gasp, moans and whimpers meant for your ears only.
I can’t seem to keep any semblance of restraint when it comes to you,
This control, what’s left of it; so fragile in her strength, so helpless in her love,
I can’t seem to make sense of what this is,
But isn’t that what love is? Nameless, shapeless,
As the moon controls the tides of the ocean, so vast and unknown,
My body succumbs to the faintest touch of your lips on mine,
Your fingers tracing the most intimate parts of me.
And I can’t help but to wonder is this is what life has to offer,
Everything, wrapped in you, and this now shattered control.

So hold me close as I shake, as I shiver and moan
My body never stood a chance, my heart quick to follow,
And watch me fall victim to your love
Though I can’t claim myself a victim if I enjoy it so immensely.
So this is meant to be love– yet I have no answer for its timeless question,
No definition, no reasons or rhymes
And yet, as my mind comes down from the spiral you’ve sent her on,
I can’t seem to care,
Because all I now is the feelings you awake in me,
The way you make me smile, the way you make me come to life.
And for that, I give you this fragile control I had built over the years,
Terrified to give away this part of me, but hopeful you will cradle her,
The way the moon does the tide,
Loving, yearning and helpless to the pull of what is meant to be.

Burn Like Matches

None matches a fire like ours,
We burn like two matched ignited by the others,
Dwindling in the controlled flicker of the embers and her smoke.
So baby, lock the doors and let the candles fade to a dim glow,
Because there is no other place I’d rather be trapped in than here in your arms,
Light me up and watch me burn under the guise of our fire,
Set my body aflame, trace my lips as I gasp and moan under your touch,
Growing hotter and hotter as the center of me grows wetter,
Dripping wet, oh, how it easy it is for you pierce the very heart of me,
My mind unable to stop the images racing across my closed eyes,
Each more dirty and sinful than the last,
My lungs can’t seem to grasp enough air to stop this shortness of breath,
My legs opening and closing for any sense of relief I can muster,
But it seems only you can control this fire,
Make me melt, hold me close and have me submit to your inferno,
Because I know that once you play with fire, you’re bound to be burned,
And darling, we burn like a match on its dying flame,
Simmering into nothing, the waters washing over us, leaving nothing but faded embers.
So take me away; let me get lost in your eyes, in the feeling of you,
And let us cast aside the reality for another sunrise,
Because I want us to burn throughout the night,
With a love to hot to be touched by any other soul,
Kiss me with everything you have, and let us be engulfed by adorations flame

Liebster Award !

Thank you so much for the nomination, Graceful Life HQ! I don’t ever usually respond to these things, partly because I never know what to say and partly because I feel like it don’t deserve it, but I figured I’d give this a go and see what happens!

So I had no idea what this award was so I’m going to borrow a description from Graceful Life HQ :What is the Liebster Award? Simply put, it’s a recognition of your hard work and dedication as a blogger and the rich content of your blog.  Its by bloggers, for bloggers; because we need to support each other! This is just one of the many little ways we can show our encouragement to each-other in this “every man for himself” world.

Rules for nominees:

  1. Acknowledge the blog that nominated you for the award.
  2. Answer the 11 questions for nominees (at the end of this post) in a post of your own.
  3. Write 11 random facts about yourself in your post.
  4. Nominate 11 other blogs (and notify them of their nomination).
  5. Include 11 new questions in your post for your 11 nominees.

My 11 questions for my nomination: 

  • What do you hope to accomplish with your blog?
    What I hope to accomplish with my blog was originally to have the courage to share my writing with the world. I had always been so raw and transparent with my writing, and I used to think that was a bad thing, but when I made this blog, and saw that there were so many other writers going through similar experiences I felt a sense of empowerment. So I hope to be able to help others open up about their experience and give them the courage to write and express themselves.
  • Do you have any pets? Tell us about them.
    I have one dog, named Briscoe (after a Law & Order character). He is the cutest, grumpy old man, as his pushing 12 this year.
  • Do you have any siblings? Tell us about them.
    I have a younger brother and younger sister. Both of who mean the world to me, so much so that I refer to them as my “kids” because I helped raise them, even thought the age difference isn’t that big. My brother is the sporty jock that exudes confidence and my sister is a a beauty that takes no shit from anyone.
  • Have you ever left the country that you live in?
    The only time I ever left the country was to visit family in Canada, but I would love to explore more one day.
  • What’s your biggest pet peeve?
    When people try to insult you, but they use incorrect grammar or they use the language incorrectly.
  • Where do you work and do you enjoy it?
    I work at a garden center, a plant nursery and had never thought I would be where I was, but surprisingly I find I do love what I do there, most days.
  • What’s your biggest motivator?
    The fear of the ones I love berating me for not giving it my all or not trying my best LOL.
  • What would you consider your greatest character trait?
    Probably my empathy, though I’d say more times is a curse rather than a blessing lol.
  • What are you proud of?
    I am proud of simply living and making a difference. Which sounds lame but some days I look at the world and all the problems we face, and I am proud to be able to make a difference in this day and age and to be able to one day see the changes we all worked so hard for.
  • What’s your favorite kind of music?
    I’m not to picky about music, but song writing/writers is my favorite genre.
  • What kind of car do you drive?
    A Honda CRV.

11 random facts about me: 

1. I moved 6 times when I was younger.
2. I have no middle name.
3. I went all of middle school with my hair pulled back into a bun.
4. My skin is so pale you can trace my veins openly.
5. I went to Catholic school almost my whole life.
6. Animated family movies usually make me cry.
7. I have never been overseas.
8. The 100 is my favorite TV show at the moment.
9. I have an unhealthy obsession with elephants.
10. I once pretend to have a twin to avoid being friends with a girl in my youth.
11. I have more than two godsons.

Who I think should be Nominated!

  1. Diana: The Wandering Armadillo 
  2. Private Bad Thoughts
  3. Ward Clever
  4. Fauxcroft
  5. Blindwilderness
  6. Poetscornerblog
  7. Poetryonaroll
  8. Syllabicsymphonies
  9. Observer’s Oration
  10. EDC Writing
  11. Kendra Storm

My 11 questions for nominees:
1. What is your definition of love?
2. What is your favorite genre to read?
3. If money wasn’t an issue, where would you travel to and why?
4. What is your favorite piece you wrote?
5. Who was your first kiss?
6. Why do you write and what made you want to share your work with the world?
7. Are you a watch the sunrise type, or stare up at the stars?
8. What is your guilty pleasure?
9. What is your favorite food dish?
10. Who is your favorite classic author? (Someone that has long been dead)
11.What’s better, a fake friend or a frienemy ?


Good Luck to everyone and I hope they have as much fun as I did answering all these questions! And thank you again 🙂

kneeling on the tiles

Sitting there, counting the ticks as each second counts down on the clock,
She waits and waits, waits for the opportune moment to excuse herself
To lock herself in the bathroom and safety she’s created from the prying eyes and heavy
She knows the risks, but knows the rewards are so much more than worth it,
(But it’s become such a habit she isn’t sure which reward carries the greatest risk…or is it the other way around?)

Here with her knees on the tiles, she knows.
She can’t bring herself to stop the ritual habit, the noise she makes are almost nonexistent now,
Practice makes perfect she muses,
And she lets her mind wander to the beautiful girls that grace the covers of magazines,
The models she’s idolized and let her fingers trace again and again and again,
Until she knows their sizes and shapes by touch alone.

So she kneels and waits patiently for her body to purge herself of her sins and faults,
Each time growing more and more beautiful,
Each time feeling better about herself, as hollowed as she has become.
She knows there is worry, knows the concern is etched in the ones that love her,
But she just wished they could see what she sees when she looks at herself,
There is always room for improvement and she knows she has a lot of work to accomplish before she can love herself they way they do.
From the safety of the bathroom, the stall, the garbage can by the bed,
There is nothing wrong with wanting to better herself, she thinks,
She just has to work harder, be smarter,
There is no reward without risk.
Here with her knees on the tiles, she knows perfection is obtainable,
No matter the cost.

That Forsaken Box

Pandora and her box, of the secrets she kept hidden in that chest,
Sure hope was the last reminder,
But what else was left at the bottom of the chest?
The thoughts and feelings too obscure for mankind to identify with,
The ones that even we cannot seem to face,
Their very existence enough to make us question everything we hold…
But that seems to be a heavy burden to bear,
A choice we can’t bring ourselves to make in any singularity,
So we sit and wonder of things that could have been,
The things that make us cling to hope that was left in that forsaken box.
So send your prayers to whatever God is listening,
And hope, dear god that seems to be all that we have left, that one of them spares mercy,
A miracle, a chance for redemption for the sinners that crawl among the dirt and ash,
Wanting to be saved, yet not being able to handle the horrors that lay past the bottom of
that forsaken box.