blank letters

I mailed you a letter today,
Again,
Signed my name, on the letter at the bottom,
Not on the envelope,
Hoping you would open it to find out,
But we’ve been dancing around these words for years,
I suppose you know I’ll always write you letters,
Mailing my heart piece by piece,
Until I have nothing left to give,
And you don’t even have the decent to return it.
But maybe it’s because you never asked to be loved by me,
And I suppose we can’t fault our hearts wants,
But I wanted you,
And you wanted me too, once before,
What happened to the one who responded to my letters,
With phrases of love and happiness, of the future we could have had,
Did you get lost in the chaos of the words,
Did they scare you, did you forget to pick the pen back up after you threw is aside,
I wrote you a letter, to explain myself, hopping you’d do the same,
And now,
All I have left are empty envelopes and,
Blank pages to imagine what you would have wrote.

 

and that is all.

Fires can only burn so long,
Until it dies out,
Embers lit, the heat that comes from them is weak,
Lost to the winds and weather of the storm coming,
The same can be said about us,
Burned so hot, too hot to touch
Scolding as it slides down our throats,
Those flames licking at our feet kept us running away from the others,
Or maybe back to each other,
Wanting to put them out as we continue to fan the other side,
A sick cycle, I imagine,
But it keeps us coming back,
Craving each interaction,
Igniting the embers again and again and again,
The ashes we’ve gathered fade around our frame,
Reminders of all we could be,
And that’s all.

burning bridges

Here we are again,
At the same crossroads we thought to have burned by now,
Or at least told ourselves we would,
But it’s the same fight,
The same apologizes,
Spilling from us as though they hold the answer,
The same we’ve come to before, again and again,
The same way we trip over the words that have left our mouths dozens of times before,
Though it seems we only hear what we want,
Can only listen to our own selfishness,
Hold a match to the bridges that lead us down this path,
But…
We never fail to hold onto them,
If only to prove the other wrong,
That fire cannot erase the wrongs we felt,
We built these bridges with tinsel and broken reminders of what we wanted
Of ways to ruin these crossroads,
So that they would never present themselves to us,
But,
Here we are, at a fork in the road,
Deciding to cross our bridge as though we don’t know the dangers that lie beneath.

overflow

Overflowing emotion runs through my veins,
And like a flood gate,
It opens at the worst times,
Cascading down and taking everyone with it,
Reminding me I am a slave to the flow of the current,
Taking me which ever way it deems most important,
Sailing on the tides,
We find you waiting,
As though you knew exactly where we’d wash up,
And for the shores that bury themselves in my thighs,
The sand gathering and falling around me,
I stand tall,
As though not underwater by the overwhelming symptoms,
Reaching for your hand,
To guide me to the other side.

consume me

Let it consume me,
Let it burn my throat as I scream
It needs to take hold of everything I am for it to sink into my skin.
Let it change me,

But only for so long,
Because we know I can’t keep it up for long,
I’m as much a victim as I am the bully,
Never willing to claim the titles for what they mean.

All in, never the last to fall,
I am everything and I am nothing,
Consumed by everything I was,
Nothing I have yet to be.

forget you

Sometimes I forget you,
Find myself struggling to remind myself of the things you’ve done,
Simply because I can’t remember,
The hurt and torture I went through,
Nothing but a distant memory, the shadow of a dream as soon as I wake,
I can see it, but the emotions aren’t there,
Aren’t as strong,
I still see remnants of you,
Trace them hidden in those shadows,
But, they affect me differently now,
Maybe I’m stronger,
Or maybe you lost your hold on me finally,
Sometimes I forget you,
And I find myself ignorant of your presence,
Just for a moment,
And it’s enough.

my shadow

No matter how I try to escape you,
You always remain in my shadow,
Tracing my steps, watching me trip over myself to outrun you,
Well…if I’m being honest,
We know I’m ready to fall back into at any given moment,
And that’s why I’m constantly running,
Afraid to give in, to miss you, to want to fall back into that mistake,
Trying to change, worth the wait,
All that bullshit follows me like a cloud,
Trailing water and tears,
But, running gets hard,
Begging to me left alone is hollow to those who refuse to listen,
And our demons relish in the sight,
No matter how I try,
Shocked and broken, happy and ignorant.
I know to always find you in my shadow.