Alice and Little Red

I wonder if Alice and little red knew each other,
Would they have been friends?
Fascinated by the stories each told,
The lure of danger and the attract of insanity,
The big bad wolf,
Lingering in the woods, ready to pounce at the sight of innocent little red,
Or maybe it’s the allure of that haze
Maybe of a dream or two,
Where each new dream brings a whole new fantasy,
High of the smoke and
And whatever is laced in the tea that keeps appearing in your cup,

I wonder if Alice and Little Red would laugh at stories they told,
How each couldn’t make sense of the others fantasies,
So they imagined a greater story outside themselves,
The true heroes in a tale they couldn’t see the bigger picture,
Or…

Would their tales take a turn,
Horror laced with lust,
Nothing more exciting than the taboo, than wanting what you could never have…
Temptation knows both Alice and little red,
Very, very well in fact,
Have you heard what happens when you get lost in the woods, while the moon is high?
Or the allure of chaos in a cup? Of a land filed with the danger of wonder?
I wonder if they would have been friends…
Alice and Little red….

i sway

I sway,

Singing the melody and lyrics out of tune,
But they speak to me,

And I can’t stop myself from feeling the moment,
The words caress me,
Trapping me in a time that reminds me too much of what I had,
What I lost,
What I wished I had still,

And there you are,
Lingering in the light,
So I can never see your face,
Hidden in the shadow of you,

I sway,

No longer seeing anything,
My blurred eyes and staggering moves leave many wondering,
I move, and hold you close,
In my thoughts,
Because I can never touch you for long,

Until the shadows swallow you and I’m left dancing with myself.

and snap…

How much can it be bent until it snaps?
The questions lingers,
Salty on my tongue,
Hesitation written on my face,

But the words are bursting from my lips before I can stop them.
I wish I didn’t jump,
Didn’t default to these feelings of doubt and insecurity,
But, some days I wonder if that’s all I’m made of,

If some days they’re easier to ignore,
And others they scream at me until I feed their negativity,
Twist, pull, scratch and crane over nothing,
How much can I bend until I snap?

what is it to you?

It’s a jump-start,
A trigger, embracing the impact of a fatal run,
It’s like falling over and over again,
Smooth like the river you lead me to,
To swim in, to drown me,
Shock to the system, as the cold water rushed to my lungs,
And all that still didn’t send my running,
I fought the current,
I hugged the bullet closer to my heart,
As though it would consume me and reject the pain,
Pushing it far away from me,
And hating that it leaves,
Because what am I without it?
What do I do when you aren’t there?
It’s that vulnerable sense of invincibility,
Running away from the one thing that will never leave,
Over and over and over again.

those damn bad habits

Falling back into the same habits,
They remind me of you,
For better or worse,
Making those bad choices that bring me closer to you,
I miss you,
I’m lonely and I want you here,
Falling back into you is everything I wish to do,
I’m drunk; maybe I’m not spelling this out right,
Forget her; let me remind you of us,
And all the choices we used to make together,
For better or worse,
We always laughed as we fell,
Covered in bruises, my hands are scared from reaching for you,
Lost in your eyes,
I forget this isn’t where I’m meant to be,
Those damn habits.
They remind me of us,
Good, bad, and for better and worse,
Am I the only one who remembers those times…?

smile

Praise and kind words make me smile,
Cheeks slightly raised, lips never parted.
Anyone can form a compliment,
All it takes is the right words strung together,
But you always manage to make them sound so….
Like the universe never knew a soul like mine,
And you’ve just discovered me.
Shocked and amazed,
You act as though my words flow through your heart, your head,
And embrace every part of you,
Even the ones you hide from the world,
I know, I’ve hidden parts of me for a long time,
The ones I’m afraid to let other see,
Afraid to let myself believe,
But, the way your eyes light up when I read a new thought out loud,
Or let you discover a new piece of myself,
It makes me smile,
Truly smile,
Cheeks aching from grinning,
And my mouth laughs along with my soul,
For a soul like yours to have discovered mine…
Not everyone can be so lucky.

nights like these

On nights like these,
I always second-guess myself,
I begin to doubt us,
How can we be so, so good, so god we forget the bad,
Only to be reminded of everything horrible in a single word,
With a single sentence that cuts into our souls,
Hurtful and deep, resonating truth into the parts we keep buried,
And….I’m not sure what that means,
How can we be both these people?
How do we fix it…is there anything we can fix?
Is it worth it? Are we?
On nights like these, you’re here next you me,
But not the version I need you to be,
And that’s not fair, I shouldn’t expect you to conform to my fantasy of you,
Or the us we are in the sunlight,
But you can’t expect the same of me,
And we’re so stubborn, stuck in our ways
That I’m afraid we’ll forever be running in circles on nights like these

better than that…?

What makes me better than that?

Than the lies I tell,
Than the way I live, or love,

Because some days I find myself so much like the things I run from,
Or the people I tell myself I will never be like,

What makes me better than that?

Nothing, that’s the truth,

On days I admit it and on days I pretend I don’t.
I am not better than any soul that I encounter,
Because they are not me,
And as much as I wish I could rise above,

Shove my ‘better ways’ in the cosmos’ face,
I know it amounts to nothing,
And they all continue to live their lives,
As though my opinion doesn’t mater,
Because it doesn’t
And that is the truth I hide from,

So give me the strength to rise above,
To face the things I run from,
And to grow to be the person who is better for her worth and heart,
Not for what she hides from.

fallen amongst us sinners

So beautiful to me,
Blinded by the light that radiated from you,
Blind, maybe that’s the reason,
Maybe that’s why I thought you an angel,
Before the fall,
Because you spilled words like wine,
Smooth and intoxicating
I’m drunk on the very idea,
Tell me more,
I’m leaning in, eager to catch the sins that fall from your lips,
Tantalizing,
I’ve fallen,
For such gorgeous eyes,
Shrouded by your lies, the tales that are able to be strung by your words,
So eager to lean in, I fell right into your fires,
Burning, I smile as I light up,
Embers and ashes falling from my smile,
I’m happy to be with you, so beautiful, so corrupted,
I never feel the burn.

misery loves company

My misery loves company,
Anything to hype her up,
I’m tired of entertaining,
Can you take over for a while?
Run through my mazes for a while,
Try not to get lost,
It can be a bit chaotic in there,
But I need to rest,
I’ve fought so long,
Against you, my own demons,
And the dangers they present,
Or maybe the temptation to cling to, I can no longer tell,
Or even if there is a difference between the right and wrong things to cling to in anger,
My misery,
She loves miserable pieces of shit,
When will she learn they never have what she’s truly looking for?
When will she know that misery is still misery
no matter how deeply it’s loved…?