Beautiful Reverie

Sometimes, things happen the way you’d seen them once in a dream,
Hazy, familiar, but too good, so good, to be true,
That’s what falling for you felt like.
Easy and terrifying and I looked up and you were everything I thought about,
I clung to you the way I do a reverie, just out of my reach,
Like I can still grasp and take as mine.

There had been others that came close, but never the way you have.
And that bothers me, because what does that say to my heart?
That she only wants and needs the things that electrify her,
Things that enticed and comfort and make her feel again,
Only to have them stripped and torn from her—a waking nightmare from a beautiful dream.
I am tired of this sorrowful fantasy, this reality that my mind invokes in the safety of the dark.
But my heart is learning, and she whispers these feelings when she thinks no one is listening.

Love…love, what a small word for something so powerful
A silly notion, that tries to encompass the depth of my feelings for this…for you, in a single word.
I can’t say the word, not yet, for that would give this feeling too much power over me,
So I write you these beautiful words, letting you decipher their meanings, never actually telling you my thoughts.
Here I am, laying it all out on the page before you.
So maybe one day this dream will become a song, with lyrics deep and tragic and just beautiful enough to crawl their way out on my dreams and into your heart.
A hymn to the person that makes me feel, that terrifies me and loves me the way I need.

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beautiful fantasy

There are no words to explain this situation,
I wish I could say I had no part,
That I didn’t feel the way I did,
But honesty is the lesson I try to live by,
So I can’t bring myself to deceit you.
Though I can’t take all the blame,
Despite what you wish to be true,
I can admit that your mind in your own worst enemy,
And that I can’t help the way we interact,
Chemistry is chemistry and ours wasn’t to be ignored,
Despite our efforts, despite the rights and wrongs,
We fell into a dangerous habit,
And out came an affair of the hearts.
Perfect in its flaws and how we didn’t commit to any sin,
Not a one, but oh the downfall we had claimed was so spectacular,
Beautiful in the wrongness and temptation
Right in the connection of souls,
But this is not meant to be, so don’t tell me how amazing we were,
Or how amazing we can still be,
But rather, remind me of the beautiful fantasy we make,
And that is just that, a fantasy between two souls longing for something more,
A connection made when there wasn’t room to grow,
A love where those hearts had no space adjust,
So this is my fantasy of you, trapped in the space between my mind and heart,
Where this love was just pretty words wrapped in a pretty idea,
Never meant to surpass this temptation habit, this dangerous safety net

Falling In Love with Strangers

I find myself falling in love with the strangers I meet.
The allure they hold over the treasures they conceal,
That lay at the bottom of the oceans of their heart.
We meet in the strangest of ways,
At the bus stop, in the trails of the park we both wonder,
From places I’ve never been, and they find their way to me still.

They leave marks hidden in my skin,
Their fingerprints stained on my heart.
Their chains wrap around me, locked in infatuation and lust.
Each stranger exists in the hollows of my heart,
An enigma wrapped in love’s reasoning,
And I find solace comfort in the unknown of our connection.

Kiss my skin, your lips tell me the tales of forgotten love,
Whisper sweet nothing in my ear, and I’ll tell you anything you need to hear,
Give me the affection I crave, and I’ll give you heaven on Earth.
We build the greatest story ever told,
It happens in a week, a month, a year,
And they still end the same way.

Thus as quickly as the moment begins, it ends,
A simple moment in time, a distant dream,
Lost in the madness of reality.
Stranger things happen to those who don’t see,
The connection that can build from a single touch,
Sparks that ignite thoughts only a God bless,and a Devil can relish in.

They give enough to keep me intrigued, so
The game begins again as the star rises from the east.
And as the it sets I’ve set my sights on someone new.
In the twilight I confess my sins,
I can call it love until I begin to hate you.
For I cannot love someone I do not see myself in.

So I’ve found myself falling in love with each stranger I meet,
As each holds something I lack in the depths of my heart and mind.
Because falling in love with someone is easier when they don’t know your sins.

Consequences that Bleed

Say the words to me and I’ll fall apart,
Not because hearing it out loud hurts, not because they’re things I can’t handle,
But because they come form you, the one I thought could never do anything to hurt me…you, who knows me so well it plagues me even now.

Though I can’t blame you for it all,
I let you in, let you know the way I feel, the way I look at the world,
And that is on me. Letting someone in always comes with high stakes,
I just wish the monsters didn’t look as beautiful as you.
I wish that I didn’t trust so easily, couldn’t love the things that cause so much pain.

Say the words; say them, because I do need to hear them.
You say they’re for my own good,
Speak them as though you aim to hurt, wish to cause me pain so that I will never
recover,
And though maybe not as dramatic, show me the ways love hurts,
Because only an idiot would keep coming back to this, for a love that isn’t love,
But rather…well, who’s to say what this is, but isn’t as beautiful and simple as what I’d hope love to be.

Say the words, maybe I’ll believe the lies; maybe this truth just hurts me more.
You brought them to the forefront of this love, and now we must live with the consequences they bleed.
But let us not forget the good that came from this love,
The passion and the powerful words that would follow,
Perhaps that is what this love is,
Good and bad and dirty and clean in ways we cannot begin to understand,
But perhaps we will never know, for love has no definition, and these words will fall
from another pair of lips, onto another innocent heart.

drown on his fingers

There once was a boy and girl,
Drawn to each other as naturally as the sun to the sky, the moon to the tide.
They drifted into each other,
Stumbling and colliding with enough force to create waves,
Waves that would change hearts if they let it.
But this boy and this girl,
They were so cautious, always obeying the warnings the stars gave,
Letting the cosmos dictate their affections and lust, their fate and who to trust.

So they let tides come and go, washing the shores, dimming their feelings with each teardrop.
And this girl, she found comfort along the shore with new lovers,
Letting their strange hands roam her body, covered by the salt water and sand,
Not letting the boy cross her mind;
Because there is nothing more tragic than wanting what you can’t have.
And though she wishes she could drown on his fingers alone,
There are always oceans between the two,
And she is left stranded on the beaches of a forgotten past time.
Yet, she finds herself lying on the sand, basking at the waters edge,
Waiting for the boy who she thought was as drawn to her as the moon to the tide,
Searching for the attraction that will pull her away from the safety of the shores—to the brink and back.

But it seems this mysterious boy only calls to her in the dead of night,
When the moon is high enough to light the way,
But not strong enough to keep him by her side,
(…When those strangers aren’t enough to keep her mind occupied.)
And she wakes lonely and cold each morning, aching in all the wrong places,
Left unsatisfied, yearning for something she could never claim as hers.
So the moon changes cycles, hiding for a time, covered by the darkness and stars,
And the boy and girl pretend that they have moved on too,
Because what else is there to do?
Until the moon shines brighter than their eyes,
And the cosmos finally concede to these young feeling hearts,
This boy and this girl, they are just ships passing in the night,
Longing and fixed on a desperation. Just waiting to collide.

Fall Into You

Promise me that this love will last, that we can make it to tomorrow,
Holding one another tightly as the sun shines through.
You should know that I don’t let anyone in,
Call it a grace from God;
A survival technique picked up from the parenting of lone wolves, call it hesitation, call it what you will.
All I know is that it has kept me safe, kept me scared and sane.

Maybe I played this one a little close to the chest,
And I don’t mean to be so guarded, but life has not been kind to a soul like mine,
She is more cautious and scared than I’m wiling to admit,
But she is trying. (And if you could believe, she has a fondness for you.)
She kept me from living a life I feel like I shouldn’t crave, but I dream.

I have never felt this way with someone else,
And you look at me as though I am made of glass,
Knowing what I am feeling, thinking. I hate that you know me so intimately.
I’ve never had another read me as well as you do, never found comfort in that thought.
And I’m not sure if this is my version of love, but I like to think it is.
You make me want to see what life has to offer outside of my safety nets,
And it scares me, but you’ve taught me to enjoy the thrill of the unknown.

So watch me fall, watch me take a leap into the unknown, watch me grapple with the fragile reality of us and be ready to catch me as I fall into you,
Because that is the one place I know I can catch my breath once again,
You are the only place I’ll fall into, helpless and so in love I forget how to breathe.

Once Broken, now Bent

Never had I thought missing you would leave me breathless,
Leave me hopeless and shaking,
Yearning for a love that will never be given in this lifetime.
But those nights are truly the worst.
Caught in my sorrow and pity,
Not even your laugh can pull me back.
No, these nights are mine alone, and as much as I hate them,

I need them.

Need to feel their heavy presence and suffocating grip,
If only to know how much love truly takes and takes and takes,
Leaving such beautiful memories, tragic in their short-lived perfection,
Forever fading, until all that’s left is the feeling of the memory,
These nights come and go, lasting only as long as the sorrow in my heart,
But soon the sorrow will fade too, replaced by something once broken, now bent
And I will be kinder to myself when these nights return once again,
Because to live is to know the ways it can break your heart.