Intensity guarded

I’m going to fuck you tonight,
Is that wrong?
So vulgar and raw,
Are you able to handle such intensity?
It’s the only way I come alive,
Let the walls break down,
Even with you, and you’re my everything,

That has to be wrong,
There has to be something wrong with me,
When I can only let my guard down around my heart,
When I feel you inside of me,
Thrust after thrust
Stones fall away from the muscle that beats for you,
That shouldn’t be the case…

And even as those bricks crumble,
There are still pieced of me that won’t open up,
Only when I lose myself,
Senses gone and I’m closing to riding the wave of bliss,
Only then does my heart open fully,

And that can’t be right,
I know i love you,
Can it be just how guarded I’ve grown,
Those before you knew the place to burn,

Fires destroying tender parts I can never reclaim
I’ll take it day my day,
Letting your love break down brick by brick,
And learning to love you the way you love me.

wars of l*ve

We’re at each others throats again,
Bickering over the small things,
I wish one of us would wave our flags,
But we’re both so close to firing our kill shot,
And our pride will drag this out until it dies,

A product of how I learned to loved,
Maybe it’s the only way I can express it,
And maybe it’s the only way you can tell I’m in,
All of me,
And you wage this war to know how serious we can make it,

Fighting, teeth and blood,
Ace in the hole,
We launch our attacks with no remorse for the thoughts gone into them,
Things about our past always find us in the present,
We can never let it go,
Not me, or you,
And we fire the bullets as a last resort, or just to keep the flame alive,

We’re bickering like children,
Someone please come save us from ourselves,
And let us down easy,
It’s too much, or not enough,
Maybe we need the war,
To keep this love in existence,Btu is the a love worth keeping alive?
I’m afraid to know the answer,
So I’ll fire my next shot,
And wait for you’re rebuttal.

i love you (like an addict)

I love you,
I never say it when I should,
Only in my recess of my mind,
When I miss you or I need you,
But never to your face in the moment it counts,
Maybe it’s a product of false love,
That’s the only thing I’ve known for a long time,
Or maybe a dependent love,
That is,
My nightmare, the thing I recognize in my soul,
And I’m terrified it will happen to me,
So I lash, I fight and hit,
Keeping you at arms length,
Lest I become dependent on hearing you tell me I’m worth your love,
Because I’ll be hooked,
And I’m an addict,
I’ll look for every hit, every fix,
And I can’t let myself become fixed on you, on love,
Because I’ll be hooked, bloodied and bruised,
Crawling back to you as though you’re the only one to save me,
And I hate the trope,
(But I secretly crave it, so I know the price of giving in might kill me)
I love you,
I hope you know,
I need you in the way my soul needs a safe place to land when it’s soared to high,
But I can’t let you know too much,
Your love is like a drug,\
And I’m afraid you’ll hate me if you knew the things I’d do to keep it.

chaos

Chaos,
It’s the best word to describe you,
Caught in the winds of your storm,
You blazed a trail on my naïve heart and innocent mind,
And I lead the way with torches held high.
You lead me on this path,
And I fell from the sky from you,
Catching fire for you, but who is to blame?
You knew better, and I knew nothing,
And we found each other in the middle of what the other needed,
Or claimed to,
Because I never thought I’d end up with you,
(But let’s not kid ourselves, I’m a liar and I saw the end when I was with you…)
But you, smarter and jaded, took the present for what it had to offer,
And I was that,
The gift of innocence that could redeem you,
And you leapt at the chance to right your wrongs,
Disasters made right I was the key,
And you failed to see the monster you created under these wings,
I was wrapped in your chaos,
And I came out of the darken skies covered in faded ash,
Holding the chaos in the palm of my hand,
As though I had control over any of it…

escape in ecstasy

I look forward to it all day,
That release, the build up of tension losing itself in my fingers,
And yet something stands in my way,
My mind,
Distracted my unwarranted thoughts,
And I can’t escape them,
They come to me in the worse ways, the visions overpowering me,
And I’m left helplessness to their warfare
Looked forward to it all day,
Only to let it slip from my fingers( or into them) at the mention of you.

falling (like stars)

I claimed you,
Like the toxins dripping from my eyes,
The same that lace my tongue
And I love that you recognize it for whom it’s worth,
Because I own this,
I capture it in its grace and the poise,
I am that thing you crave,
And I am not ashamed to cling it it,

I tag you—you’re it,
And I’ll relish in the chase,
For it brings out the best and worst in us,
Two halves that cannot live without the other,
And we run around in circles chasing the same notion,
Only to be pulled back in my the current,

Our tides aligning to the cause,
Falling like the stars under the allure of the moon,
I claim you,
Like the night claims her stars and lights
Together we chase the sun and it wanes over the moon
And her control over the tides,
Creating our own life inside the ocean lost to the skies,
Dripping in stardust and toxins from the sands.

point of yous

I wish you could see it from my point of view,
How damage has a way of carrying everything with it,
And it translates into every part of you,
I wish you could see.
I feel sorry for the person you were before,
When you let things happen and settled for the least,
Because that person, conditioned you,
Molded you to accept what you thought you deserved,
And I think you deserve everything, have it all,
But it’s so hard, when you can’t see it
That person, faulted you and molded you into…this
And I hate them for it,
Because I can’t fix you, not all at once
Not in a short amount of time,
And it’s not fair,
Not to you, not to me, not the ones we could be,
They damaged you,
All the point of yous,
And you’re so far gone you can’t even see.
Can’t understand that you have parts so broken they dangle off yourself,
And until all I can glue them back,
You lug them along the floor, dragging more dirt and breaking it down further,
Until they become rags, pieces I try to sew back together,
But I can’t see anything from your point of view,
Down on the ground,
The damage splayed out along the floor….