The Room

She walks into the room with little purpose,
The dust gathering along the shelves brings about a nostalgia she isn’t ready to face,
But nevertheless, she runs her fingertips along its edges,
Tracing meaningless designs along the path,
Her mind wandering to place she wishes it wouldn’t,
Collecting the memories as they blacken her fingertip.
This room is just a room, four walls and a shitty floorboard,
But it is everything to her in these moments,
From the paint chipped ceiling to the tiny crack in the window,
She knows the layout by heart, tracing its patterns even with her eyes closed,
Knows the scenes that have happened here better than her own reality,
That seems to be the price of missing what is gone,
Wanting things to go back to how they once were,
But knowing they will never.

She lets the room embrace her,
The old record player crooning in the corner,
And she watches the sun dance along the mirror by the far wall,
Its light creating rainbows, gliding along the dust and shadows,
Rippling through her heart.
She longs to get lost in here, to live inside her memories a little while longer,
Where the pain fades as quickly as her scars,
But she knows the power of this room,
Knows that her tears will continue to come long after she’s left,
They will still fall outside this place of solace.
So she lets the dust fall back into place,
Not wanting to change the room, for fear it will change the way she once felt,
The way she still feels, the way it clings to her very existence.
As the record player falls silent,
She lets herself dance through the rooms,
Allows herself to be vulnerable in its small confides,
If only for a moment,
But the sun sets, and she knows she has enjoyed this escape for longer than she should,
So she sways for just a little longer, clinging to the dream,
And then she packs her things up and turns to face reality,
Knowing her escape will be here when she returns,
The room will be just the way she left it, covered in dust and longing.

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Pieces of You

The bigger picture was something that was always out of reach,
Just hazy enough that I could never find focus,
Its image distorted with pieces that never quite fit,
But then, those pieces and shards started coming together in ways I never saw,
Starting fitting into themselves and blame you.
I hate the way you make me question everything
Make we wonder what life can be outside the walls I’ve built,
But for that feeling, that craving and yearning of the things I can’t explain,
It’s something I will crawl to again and again and again,
For reasons beyond my simple heart,
Beyond what my mind wishes to believe.
So take these pieces and make a puzzle even I never could figure out,
Help me find beauty in the scattered pieces of me,
And watch it transform into the bigger picture.

to play a fool

This will be our final goodbye,
Our farewell to the things that changed us for better and worse,
I gave myself to a fool in love …foolish enough to think…
But that is a tale for dreamers of a better love,
For those who anticipate the ending to a tragedy long before it takes place,
And for those who can weather the storm as it breaks you.
Perhaps that is a tale built in warning, in the cautionary kisses from lovers before,
I gave myself away on the promise of a better feeling, a temporary feeling,
One that I will never replicate, as I could never feel the way you once did,
Cause I never knew you that way, did I?

But there is no use dwelling on the way things could have been
So let me say sorry for the sake of me,
Because I will never be able to move on from you if you keep me trapped by this guilt,
The possession, the bruises and the lies were an odd way to show your love,
And yes, we experience these things differently,
But I know this can’t be what I waited my whole life to feel,
The rush of blood should be from the excitement of you, not the fear,
And it took me a long time to be able to tell the difference.Yes, I let you use me in ways I thought would make you happy,
To eager to keep the peace, to notice the person you were solely turning into,
Or perhaps, that was who you were all along,
And I was too blinded on the thought of that temporary feeling.

So allow me to move on form you, with a bleeding heart and bruised ego,
But know that you did show me the different ways to love,
How not to love, how not to treat the person you’ve chained to your side,
And let me learn these lessons the hard way, for that seems to be the only way my heart
knows how,
But know that she has learned a great deal from you.
So maybe you were once a fool in love, but I think our definitions of fool are drastically different,
Because while I was a fool to trust you, a fool to give herself away on a temporary thing
You are a fool, one who will never learn from his wrongs,
A court jester stuck pleasing a king, who has already decided cut off his head,
A fool no one will miss in the days to pass.

you taste like home

Feelings tied to your touch, you taste like home,
Wrapped in the memories I can’t seem to stop replaying,
Just faded enough to remind me of the love and happiness,
But they are never long, for reality has a stark way of waking your from those pleasant dreams,
Yet I still wake to feel you on my lips, the taste of you lingering,
Those thoughts rotating my mind as though I can trace each petal of the
Flowers curled in your hair, each falling just beyond my fingertips.
I’ll find you again, lover,
Buried in the memories and twilight,
In a garden overlooking the setting sun,
But for now, let me reminisce of the fondness of a familiar feeling,
Lay me down in hopes I’ll dream of you.

Catch Me

I know you wish you could destroy me,
Make me bleed in ways that are unforgiving to a God, who looks down in sadness,
Who cares from a distance, but can never lift a hand in help.
I know all these things, but I never wanted this,
I never wanted to be kept up by these feelings,
Never wanted to be in this hole that I was reckless enough to fall into,
But there are some things that we cannot explain,
Things that always seem to happen for whatever fate reasons,
And I find that there was never a choice when it came to you,
For my heart would always wander back.
Something that powerful is hard to ignore,
And even worse when I try. But I tried to tame this growing mess,
Tried to keep it contained in the cage of my heart,
But the locks are rusted and these bars are bent,
So forgive me when they become malleable in the wake of you,
Easily swayed and quick to forgive and forget.

I know you wish you could destroy me,
And darling, you’ve had that power all along,
Guided by that God who was so quick to look down on his failing,
As I was so quick to shed tears for a fallen love that never touched the ground.
But I know you would never wish to destroy me now, for too much has happen,
This kind of love only shows itself once in lifetime,
And aren’t we glad it chose us?
I never wanted this, but I guess that’s why they call it falling,
So here’s to the thing we cannot explain,
The things that crept up on us in ways we cannot explain,
And here’s to the things that make us fall in love with the way we are,
And the way things could be, for what danger is the hole we fall into if we know we’ll be
caught at its bottom?

freefalling butterflies

To my own eyes be true, but it’s so hard when I have been blinded by you,
By affection that is not mine to take, mine to have.
The way we are together alone, when there are not witnesses, no questions,
No one to tell us this love is so, so wrong,
But darling, two wrongs have to make a right eventually.
Let’s commit to things that keep men sedated and woman lingering longer.
Allow me to lead you down a path of temptation and sin and wonder and passion,
And we’ll both pretend not to love every minute of it.

The game is only as dangerous as we let it,
But we both know playing with fire is just as intoxicating as this taboo love,
No one can say when this little game began,
But the rules and stakes have grown more thrilling with each passing turn,
Each stroke of our hands…every graze that makes my heart skip a beat,
My stomach drops, the breath can’t escape my lungs.
Those butterflies freefalling their way down, down, down…
I know you feel it too; in fact, I think this little game effects you more than it does me
(And you have no idea how much I wish to throw the cards on the table,
Crawl over and have my wicked way with you).

I had always been a master in the art of deception,
Façades and feeling go hand in hand, after all.
So why am I the only one who seems to question this affection.
Despite my blindness, my head knows something isn’t right about a game between secret lovers,
And every so often my heart yields to my guarded mind,
Reminding me its so wrong, wrong, wrong…

I’ve been told, to mine own heart be true,
But how can I when she thrives on chaos, so beautiful in her yearning,
Oh, the matters of the heart. Trickier than I’d care to admit,
Even more so when I know the game is close to an end.
So while we still have time baby, lets make this game a tad more exciting,
An all or nothing, raise the stakes, throw it all away on a final kiss
But don’t be fooled, this is only dangerous if I have anything left to lose.
And I’m afraid I lost it all before my game even started with you,
So blinded by you and affection that was never mine,
Two wrongs have to make a right eventually…right?

Waters Edge

She thought she knew what she was getting into,
Thought she was better than this, that it won’t be like the other times,
But life has a funny way of proving her wrong, she’s learned,
And so here she goes again,
Down the same rabbit hole she swore she’d never jump back into.
(But…if only to feel alive just a little while longer, it can’t hurt?)
He called to her like blood calls to the air,
As tempting and addicting as the waters she drowns herself in,
He was one bad decision away from the worst, best mistake of her life,
And god, she can’t even bring herself to regret it.
These desperate nights always leave her wanting more,
Washed along the shores of her addiction, shivering in the wake of withdrawal,
And she knows better (god, she swears she does) but once those waters lap at her feet,
She finds herself going back to edge, if only to feel the excitement death can bring.
These sirens find her at the best, worst times, calling to her with deception and promises
filled with false love,
And she believes them, because they feel so much like him, and he was her always and
right now,
So the tides pull her in, coaxing her in the waters of this thrilling attraction,
And she rides the wave ‘til in crashes and she burns,
Always shocked to find herself back in the shores of this forgotten love,
But who is she kidding? A love like this was never meant to stay afloat for long…