the days my heart broke

The day I broke my mothers heart I told her I hated her,
We fought and I cried because I didn’t understand why she couldn’t see,
My tragic ,dramatic, standpoint on an issue that no longer matters,
Lost in the faded memory of her tears and my own.
The embrace we shared again again and again,
After the ‘i love yous’ and ‘i’m sorry’
The way I couldn’t breath as she smothered me into her shoulder,
I loved this woman so much it hurt
I’ll always remember the day my mother broke my heart.

The day I broke my fathers heart I no longer needed him,
I found another,
One who could be every man my father was,
But so much more to me,
I ran to another to ease my broken heart, to kiss my forehead when the world turned against me,
And my father raised his glass to the man, who took his place, who stole his daughter,
I still see the way my father’s eyes shifted through the glass,
Eyes lingering on the screen a little to long, gone even longer,
I’ll always remember the day my father broke my heart.

The day you broken my heart was subtle,
I didn’t even know you were capable of it,
Until I was left on the bed in tears,
Wishing you never meant as much to me as you did,
(I didn’t even know you meant that much, that I would feel like this…)
Wishing my heart never clung to you in such a way it shouldn’t.
The way I broke your heart was the hesitation in my voice,
The way I couldn’t believe my luck had changed,
That I would get to call you mine, until forever ended and then some.
Your eyes downcast and your mouth slightly agape,
I knew you heart then, the twists and turns and everything I would grow to love,
I’ll always remember the day you broken my heart,
And the day you claimed it as yours.

Jester’s Heartache

I’m not to blame for your troubles and heartbreak,
So many things I wish I could tell you,
(So many things I wish I could scream and rant. shake you so you’ll see)
See the truth as it unfolds in front of your eyes,But I know I’ll never get the chance,
(But I still rehearse my lines in case),

Games are tricks meant for those to foolish to see,
But you seem to play the fool so well
And I wish I didn’t have to entertain the jester anymore,
She lacks originality and depth,
So forgive me while I yawn midway through your tirade,
Maybe in another life,
You could have made something of this tantrum,
Had things aligned and worked in your favor,
But I’ll stick to this reality that presented itself with a nice bow,
And keep my opinions to myself,
Because you aren’t worth the breath used to speak them,
Lord knows who’d listen to the rants of a scorned woman,
With no merit or dignity.

impression of you

What else is there to say?

You seem to have taken the words out of my mouth,
Kissed them right off these lips,

And I’m left gaping,

Sucking in the air that expands my lungs and heart,
Because I can’t seem to form a single thought,

And all I’m left with is the impression of you…

high above the clouds

We talked in tomorrows and futures,
And ‘one days’ that were so close we felt them,

We spoke, as thought today was only the thing in our way,
The thing that held us back from our beautiful unknowns.
Whispers and pillow talks to bring us loser together,
Keeping us locked in our promise, and happy endings.

I was always a wishful thinker.
Eyes drawn towards the skies,
Looking for those fallen stars,
Ready for their fatality to fix the wrongs in my life,
Taking the prayers and dreams of those before me
Wanting them to fix my life in spectacular and promising ways.
But, dreamers and wishful thinkers, their heads so high in the clouds,
They miss what happens on the ground,
Where life continues on,
Not caring for fragile hearts or bright side thinkers,
It moves forward, never stopping,
Never a moment to collect yourself up off the ground.

Hope always comes when you need it most,
But I seem to lose it to often,
So it avoids my fingers, dancing around the tips,
Never letting me fully grasp onto it,
Never able to clutch in close,
I miss the way life used to be,
Behind my rose covered glasses and unspoken truths,
Because the world is full of dreamers and wishful thinkers,
But only those who know heartbreak,
Those who see the truths unveiled,
Those are the ones who rise above it all and make their way into the clouds…
Finding the lost dreams and those wishes scattered on the changing winds.

utter silence…

Blank stares stare back at me,
My thoughts so far out of reach I can’t hear them at all,
Filters float around my eyes,

And I can’t focus on anything without coming back to you.

I wish it made sense,
The way movies and great romances seem to know,
Secrets kept in the hearts that have never been truly broken.
But life is mixes of grey and hurt and anger misdirected,
And I know I can’t filter those thoughts out,

As much as I wish,
Wish those who stared had the answers I sought,
But blank stares hold more than I think,
And they give me too much insight into my own head,
A place I wish I could escape from for a while
My sanctuary and my hell,

Funny, how the two words can be synonymous.
Funny, how those words mean nothing to you.

I can’t help but to stare back now,
They have not answered my questions,
And I cannot look away,
So we stare and search and seek out those like us,
In hopes they can give us the answers,
Or at least make sense of our own chaos,
And yet…I can’t focus on anything until my eyes find yours,
And the noise is quiet, if only for a moment.

hard to swallow

I’ll keep swallowing that poison you feed me,
Hoping one day I won’t want to spit back in your face,
Maybe one day I won’t feel its effects so deeply,
The acid burning my throat each time it threatens to resurface.
Perhaps it was my loneliness
Or maybe it was yours that kept us crawling back to this hole,
Down and down we go,
Falling into those bad habits and repetition that numbs us,
Hard to miss the sun when your eyes have adjusted to the darkness,
And everything that lurks in it.

Give me that poison,
It’s about time for my dose,
Seems I feel to much, fell victim to its effects,
So dependent,
Shaky and weakened,
I reach for you,
Helpless,
But I know that’s how you need me to be,
Can’t have that strength showing up at the wrong moment,
A real mood killer if you can’t get it up,
But I wish my snark and witt hadn’t left me,
And I wish I had that venomous tongue,
And not just what you’ve injected in, coursing through my veins,
My words have lost their bite, their conviction,
As I swallow that poison once more,
Letting in numb me, preparing my for you and your twisted love

 

lines crossed

Every time, we crossed the line,
I thought this was it,
This was the moment we couldn’t come back from.
The moments that made us the forbidden fruit we craved,
What we desperately wanted to swallow but couldn’t let touch our lips…
Temptation always tastes so much better when it’s not your own,
Or maybe that’s what makes it all the more sweet,
The desire that burns inside,
So hot, so raw, it aches, makes you crave and cling and hunger
For what’s so close…just a taste will suffice…
But you know that isn’t true,
And here we are again,
Wanting and straddling such a thin line,
So thin we might as well jump over,
Sedate what aches inside, just a touch to ignite the flame,
That hunger, that hazy eyed lust only we can cure,
So what’s stopping us?