reach…

I reach for you,
But you aren’t the way I remember,
I’m desperate to change you, to make you the way you are in my mind,
If only because that brings me comfort, in the familiarity,
And I can’t be bothered to change that,
To leave the safety of the known and sane,
Or maybe it’s the insane that I’ve grown so used to,
Regardless, I reach for the version of you I hope to remake in my mind,

And what I find neither angers nor placates me
It’s just you,
And the way you have always been,
I can’t recognize the good I had before I tried to change it,
So the damage is mine and mine alone to claim,
But I’ve never, I won’t,
Because that means I was wrong,
Wrong in trying to change you,
Change you to match the version I needed you to be,
My needs above yours,

I haven’t learned the lessons life has beaten into me,
And I never told myself I was wrong before,
That would mean you were something I couldn’t control,
And I reach for you now,
Surprised and yet not to find you no longer there…

4 thoughts on “reach…

  1. ivor20 says:

    We are what we are .. our basic characteristics are cast in our youth and teenage years … I beleive we don’t change from those early years of moulding…

    Like

  2. taurusingemini says:

    We often, tried, too hard to, change someone else, to fit the perceptions of what and how they should be, not knowing, that we can’t, and, that, is why, we are, having, a difficult time in our lives, because we hadn’t realized, that all we can change is, ourselves, not, anybody, else…

    Like

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