just a day

It is the day you realize best friends grow apart, and lovers tend to lie,
Your body craves what your heart cannot find, so the lust will come and go,
And there will always be friends of convenience—friends better left as strangers.
(So your travel the worlds to find those your soul connects with,
After all, isn’t that the point of discovering the pleasure and pains of the heart?)

It is the day you realize those who loved and raised you are only human,
That they too are but fragile, imperfect persons, who make mistakes,
Who love wrongly and act with injustice and spite,
(But they have loved and raised you into the person you became, after all.
Humans are bound by original sin, so who among us can cast the first stone?)

It is the day you realize you are one person in a long line of billions,
But you are no worse than the one whose back you face,
Nor better than those at your back,
(Though the line is long, those are only the two you know,
So who are you to say whose predicament is better or worse?)

It is a day like any other, yet the realizations come in the dozens,
And you watch the story unfold with details you had been blind to see,
So the sleeplessness you’ve found yourself eternally stuck in begins,
(You hear the words you once spoke, see what you had once been so proud to do,
All for a moment of self-pride and acceptance, and wonder was it all really worth it?)

It is the day you realize you have realized these things a little too late,
And the life you were desperate to live has passed quietly by,
Now at a cross roads, you are left with a choice to decide which lesson to learn from.
(But learning from your mistakes was never a strong point,
And you know your punishment will be reflective of the monster you kept hidden.)

(It is the day you know you can never turn back from, doomed to repeat,
And from strong and steady to broken and begotten,
You know it is time to atone for the recklessness that is yours to claim.
The day, you realize, had always been a choice,
But it is what you decided to do with time the day had given that defined you.
So your eternity is set, your choices lined up for you to replay,
And you will spend forever knowing just what day it was.)

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The Beauty of a Memory

Despite our pleas and pathetic memorials to souls who couldn’t care less,
Darling, the dead are meant to stay dead,
And they only live on in the stories we replay in our head,
Trapped on repeat in the one-sided memories we relive.
Yet in your glory and arrogance, you bring to life the darkest of souls,
Ready to walk among creatures that harbor no semblance to men.
You walk a God among men, poised with elitist elegance,
Head too far in the clouds to realize the ground you stand and
Ready to cast aside those deemed unworthy, yet for all your immortality,
You fall shy of the beauty of a memory. A soul trapped on the earth meant for man.
So I wait for you to come off your high, holding your head as it crashes down.

No, we did not start out like the worshiped and superior,
Rather, we came into being through shy smiles and longing glances.
Nights spend whispering humbled wishes and lost dreams,
And we would wonder what the stars were desperate to tell us.
The sun rose once again, reality quick to swallow what was left of our innocence.
For all the power of that star, she was no match for you.

It is said kings and queens find love together when their empire is set to fail,
A tragedy with the build up of star-crossed lovers,
And I like to think we could have been great enough to be carve into stone,
A King and Queen who found each other and set the balance of power once again.
But for all the epics and songs, I could not find a tale that would match ours,
For who is a king to a queen who gave her heart to a peasant long ago?
And what is a queen to a man who knows not the cost his tyranny?
Kings come and kings go, but you figure a God has a lifetime to hold power,
So you build yourself a kingdom fit for the ancient Gods and rock the world,
Forgetting nights under the stars, and the children who wished upon them
And I can’t grieve who you used to be any longer.
(Because the dead stay buried in the swallow graves we build,
Unable to rise for weeping sinners like us,
So we are left praying to the corpse of what once was and will never be again.)

Though I am painful attune to the concept of a prayer heard, a prayer lost,
I have never found the answers I needed.
So while you tumble back and forth with so little faith,
I drop to my knees and worship you the only way my heart knows how.
Hoping to find grace with the king. Hoping my offering to the God will suffice.
For what does a Queen have left to give, when her kingdom has fallen to dust?
Her heart painted a red too dark to be considered holy,
So who is the king to the Queen who has lost everything?
What is the title of Queen to a man who worships false Goddess’?
He; who has served more Queens then he knows, all for a kingdom built in the stars?

The Glass Shards that Cover My Soul

There are dreams that I have every so often,
The same scenes and phrases sinking out like a fragmented memory,
Only to be washed away in the haze of consciousness.
The pictures in my head never play out the same way on my screen,
Images and characters always subject to change,
Twists and turns that leave my eyes spinning with different outcomes.
I’ve grown tired of Fate and the games she plays,
No longer blessed with childhood innocence and imagination,
My bliss is no longer ignorant, my mind no longer sedated.

Yet, these dreams kept on reply in my mind leave more than whispers on my brain,
Some so loud I need to cast them into the world, uninhibited and shameless.
So free, so young, yet so confine to the solace I find in the pages of ink and gemstone.

My future has never been more clouded then when I looked into your crystal ball
Its images faded and distorted –like those the trapped in your head,
Falling into an endless cycle left in repetition for those forced to watch and see,
As they have yet to be burned by the promise of an untouched tomorrow.

Some moments, I’ll cry out to a god, who no longer exists,
Wishing to change the fate that had been so cruelly given to the unexpected,
But all that I will hear is the wind as it ruffles the leaves.
The silence that will follow, the breaking of my heart so still and subtle
Will define me in this moment in time.

And so these moments become shards of what once was the mirror to my soul,
Put back arbitrarily, if only to keep the reflected light trapped inside once more.
So I pace the room, frantically keeping my ink from spilling too much onto the page,
I know these reflections, these ill-kept words and dreams, will reach you again,
And then you will see what my heart has resurrected,
The beauty that can only be found the darkest parts of my soul,
Hidden by the glass shards that cover it.

This Sickness

The sickness is not one of choice, but of course, no disease ever is, so
Settle down and let the crowds rush in to witness a miracle
Of a sinner born with gentle arrogance and good intentions,
Only to be played on by a power as blind as faith.

There are crimes only man can commit,
So brutal and cruel, they could never hope to regain their lost innocence,
Shattered like the heart of the woman who first loved man.
The hostility spreads further than the space of heaven
Capturing beautiful angels, clipping their wings on a promise of new glory,
The words from a profit, a fallen angel, had never sounded so lovely.
These creatures emerge from the depths of whatever hell would not hold them,
And their mentality is quick to spread to the minds of the rational.

The sickness is not a choice, but I shall choose it regardless,
Its promising temptation too powerful, seducing my already malleable morals.
The pretty lies and thrilling flashes capture my devote heart,
But I cannot worship a false God without just reward.
So I let her climb inside my body, fixing the temple that traps my righteousness.
I let her wash me in tears of true believers and forgotten prayers,
All the while hoping not to attract the eyes of my sleeping demons.

The sickness is all consuming and dominant and not without its price,
For I have become as blind as the faith that ties me to broken angels,
All the while holding onto a promise of divine majesty and immortality.
And have found a comfort in the faux wings of my delusional mind,
While my demons awake with a newfound ecstasy of unknown grace and pride.
Though they have yet to discover the temptation of a repeated sin.

The sickness has evolved and spread, without nature dealing her piece,
Leading me to crave a new high to give my heart to,
So I fall under another magical spell and let the tale weave a new song into my heart,
Listening to the cries of the night, for they carry a warning no man wills to hear.
I found love where she would have never ventured.
If not for the sad cries of a lonely heart and a broken prayer,
She would have never found my ghost, hidden in the shadows of my own hell.

There is no cure for my sickness, just endless temptations and new highs to seek,
So be careful, for the fallen angel you give sympathy will lead you to demise.
I keep going to the walls filled with holy men and forgiveness,
Hoping to be bathed in the tears of true believers and devote saints.
And I wait for the day the river will have nothing left to wash away.

A Feminine Divine

The lips I kiss are softer than anticipate,
Full and red, with a hint of your brand of liquor,
Intoxicated on one taste alone,
Is it possible for me to take more then mouthful?
The hands that grace my body are too gentle for me to feel,
Darling, I promise I won’t shatter; I am no longer made of glass.
So take your hands and move them down my hips,
I want to see your love in the morning, fashioned in red and black and blue.

Your eyes are so soft as they trail down my neck and to my heart,
I feel the flush rise and the breath I take is shaker than I care to admit,
But I will myself to let you explore and taste what is yours,
They say there is never a love more passionate or dangerous,
Then when the spark is lite between the uncharted.

Tomorrow, I’ll wake up with my head on your breast,
And you will disappear into the day, though your feminine mystique will remain,
There is no gentler touch then that of a new lover,
So I will let you come to me when you feel the need,
Fall to your feet as we tangle the sheets on the floor.
When the light fades and the moon comes into view,
We will fill the night with sharp moans and cries of pleasure,
Singing a song as old as the stars that light up our sky.

 

 

*Painting called Kiss Me Kate by Steve K*

Between the Pages of the Insane and Detained

They meet in between the normalcy of their lives,
She wonders where he might be when she calls,
He dreams of her face when he strays too far,
And they always meet in the middle, among the strangers and friends,
Trapped in the minds of social construct and limited expression.

He loves the way a writer does, deeply and tragically,
Everlasting in the lyrics and words he uses to worship the feeling.
His heart bleeds into the ink he spills on the paper,
Yet for all his romanticism, he falls short on his delivery
And the words shrivel and dry, fading from the damage and abuse.

She grows too fond too quickly, her eyes blinded by pretty words,
And where she falls is too deep for her heart to land safely.
But still, she holds onto the idea of love as she descends,
Hoping to catch a glimpse of his soul—should she ever make it to the bottom.

She cannot convey her heart on paper as beautifully,
So she lets her fingers mold shapes on his body,
Hoping he will understand the way she expresses the feeling.
But she can never enter the Eden of his mind,
For at the center of the garden is a tree only he can climb, and, from its branches,
He’ll whisper to the snake the very things she could never understand.
But, together they try to rewrite what was once set in stone.

And at most, the love they share falls onto bleeding hearts,
Eager to keep the tragic romance alive, with screams that echo through the halls.
Through the chaos and the silence, the insane and detained,
He writes the tragedy of his broken heart,
And she moves with grace onto a new book, not looking through the worn pages.
Never knowing they already lost each other,
Their love caught between the chapters they never made it to

My Best Friend

There isn’t enough love on this Earth that I could give you,
Not even words could express the way I feel about you,
But I can do my best to show you.
Show you the ways I love you. When we can talk for hours about nonsense,
Things that only you and I understand; because we have talked to each other since forever began, at least in our minds.
Let me show you the ways I love you, let us discover them together.
From the random messages during the day, the ‘I love yous’ hidden in the exes and ohs,
I find them in the tears rolling down my cheeks from laughing too hard,
Because some stories can’t be shared with words alone.
I find them in the ways you show up at my door long after the sun has set,
If only to see me and hold me tight, to whisper things will be okay even when they
clearly aren’t.
These moments that we have are infinite, everything I need and can’t seem to get enough of. I find our moments of love buried in the endless phone calls,
The way we can say so much, and never speak a word,
The way I never have let anyone come this close to my soul,
And haven’t been terrified of the damage they could wreck.
The way I wouldn’t change a thing about us. Not a thing.

I see the ways I love you in how my thoughts always circle back to you,
How I wish you nothing but love and happiness and good.
I see them in the endless jokes and banter we have between us,
The way I never laugh as hard as when I am with you.
I feel it in the emotions that come about as I write this for you,
The good, the sad, the things that make up us,

My thoughts on paper, the least I could do, compared to everything you’ve done for me.
I love you so much; I will never love another like the way I do you.
And I am so blessed to have you in my life, grateful to claim you as my person, and I you.
My best friend, my everything; so while there aren’t enough words and gestures,
Allow me to show you the infinite ways I love you so