filling the holes

I can say now,
After living,
And figuring it out as I went,
You meet, forge bonds and create memories special to only you,
And then you blink,
And life has you filling in the void they left,
Gaps and holes in another unexplained plot line,
Left trying to piece together the important parts you missed,
Or the ones you deemed important,
Only, come to find, they weren’t meant for you,
But rather, a different version of you,
One who deserved that life—
Or one who needed that way for things happened…
Either way,
Life happens,
Moving on and on with or without you on its coattails.

those little demons

The words halt at the tip,
Lingering on the roof of my mouth,
Drip and dry, I lick my lips, peeling away the skin bit by bit,
I want to say them
Need to,
But…
I can’t
No when I know I can never take them back,
Call it growth, call it maturity but,
Careful what you praise,
Because I hate that they still come into my mind,
My little demons, making themselves known it the best way they know,
Always in my corner,
Never in the ways I think,
Pushing, reckless and unheeded,
And yet, they never force,
Because I bring the chaos all on my own,
Licking my lips,
I know I shouldn’t
But…
“We need to talk…”

hallways

The hallway stretches further and further away from you.
I’m walking,

Running…
But it’s always just outta reach,

We sit and wait,
Endless lines forming and dissolving before our eyes

The light reflected from the glass shifts,=
And fades

Catching the dust filtering through,
The hallway stretches and I’m still further and further away from you.

take the pill

They say love is patient,
Love is kind, the end all be all cure,
Love helps you grow and exposes you to the better side of life,
Offering more and more,
They say,
But…
They don’t tell you that there is always bad to balance the good,
Love is not this magical failsafe,
End to the horrible things we endure,
That reality is simply that.

There are times when love is soft,
Too soft,
And it crumbles under the pressure of nearly everything,
Love can be cruel,
Taking from you the things you weren’t ready to give,
Things you’ll never be able to reclaim,
Love exposes you, in all ways and sometimes that hurts,
Opens you to harsh truths and words that can never be unheard,

But
It’s the thing we kill for, die for, even just a little taste of the pure drug,
So, its what you make of this,
This mysterious thing called love,
Swallowing the pill again, again and again,
And pray you can keep it down this time.

ellipses

It’s building, the caution, so promising and terrifying,
Every good thought is paired with a horrible what if,
Perhaps that’s just how the mind works,
Perhaps past events have lead to a certain defense,
So iron clad, you’ll never be defenseless again,
(but I don’t think its done you any good, at least not anymore)

So cautious, so wary of those things you will never control,
Life is no longer yours,
It belong to the terrors you create in your head,
It’s now theirs, their actions, or non-action,
Their words ,
Ones said and the ones that remained silent,
They control you,
The only ones able to get underneath that ironclad wall,
Forever they’ll linger, and there isn’t a damn thing you can do.
But a defense is only as strong as those who take shield in it,
And no one has ever breached yours walls until now,
But that isn’t shocking,

After all,
You’re the one who gave them the keys.

Soundless picture

It replays over and over ,

Your smile, your laugh, the way your lips tilt and you roll your eyes.

The way we laughed, that time we sat on the steps, not caring what the world was telling us now.

Like a movie on replay in my mind, it’s the same images flashing again and again and again,

I couldn’t stop thinking them if I want to ,

And I can’t

Because it’s all I have left of you.

These soundless pictures that replay in my head.

Fading just slightly everyday, because that’s what happens when you grip them too tightly, hoping they would never leave you , but knowing time moves forward regardless of the memories in my head.

So I play them as much and often as I can while I can.

Everyday.