stuck…

The words a stuck in my throat,
The ache in them making it harder to breath,
But still I can’t manage to utter them,

…because that gives them life,
And I’ll never be able to take them back once spoken.
I wish I were meaner, colder,
That I didn’t care what they would do to you.

And some words I let fly so freely I’m amazed I have no shame in saying them,
And then there are these words, that I let sit on my tongue,
Let the taste of them sit in my mouth and weigh their consequences,

…how do we know the difference between them…
This time the words don’t come,
They know before I do that their damage is irreversible,
And in my anger I don’t care,
I want to scream them.
Let you know the hurt and sadness you caused in my heart,

But…
Nothing comes out,
Nothing my the sorrowful sigh and the tears,

And I choke on them,
The emotion, the worry and anger.

I let them stay,
Drink them down with something bitter and soothing,
And wait to deal with you, them, when I can swallow freely.

A Feminine Divine

The lips I kiss are softer than anticipate,
Full and red, with a hint of your brand of liquor,
Intoxicated on one taste alone,
Is it possible for me to take more then mouthful?
The hands that grace my body are too gentle for me to feel,
Darling, I promise I won’t shatter; I am no longer made of glass.
So take your hands and move them down my hips,
I want to see your love in the morning, fashioned in red and black and blue.

Your eyes are so soft as they trail down my neck and to my heart,
I feel the flush rise and the breath I take is shaker than I care to admit,
But I will myself to let you explore and taste what is yours,
They say there is never a love more passionate or dangerous,
Then when the spark is lite between the uncharted.

Tomorrow, I’ll wake up with my head on your breast,
And you will disappear into the day, though your feminine mystique will remain,
There is no gentler touch then that of a new lover,
So I will let you come to me when you feel the need,
Fall to your feet as we tangle the sheets on the floor.
When the light fades and the moon comes into view,
We will fill the night with sharp moans and cries of pleasure,
Singing a song as old as the stars that light up our sky.

 

 

*Painting called Kiss Me Kate by Steve K*

Hurricane

He was the storm that rocked the ship I happened to be passing by on,
And the waves took me under in one breath.
I fought the currents, too afraid to be pulled under,
But he held tight, caressing my hair as I sank further into the waters.
So when the light hit my eyes, and I spit out the sand,
The view from the shores shocked me.
No longer did I see the mess inside the storm,
But rather I felt the calm waters gently lapping against my feet:
As florescent clouds float among a never-ending horizon.
So distracted by them I saw not the remains of the ship I once sought passage on.
Its broken sail and shattered boards bobbing along the shore.

The beaches are beautiful, white and surreal,
So when he finds me on the shores, I am as sun kissed as he needs.
He said to find peace upon the newly formed beach,
For what I had once thought paradise was no longer safe,
And the love I felt for him was no longer real, the shores not what they seemed.
So I broke the branches down and built a raft,
To sail away from the pretense of a dream I drifted to.
Try as I might, the currents won’t let me leave,
Like sharks circling blood that had risen from the depths.
The boat rocks unsteadily in the coming waves.

He was pure and corrupt; his sins outshines my faith,
But he’s the only prayer I’ve got on this boat wadding in the sea.
So I’ll pray to a God that knows my fears and hopes,
Hoping they will reach him from island I’ve succumb to,
Where my dreams and hallucinations have taken form-
To remind me of the rough waves ahead.
So just when the reality of the situation settles,
I wake to the swaying of a beaten ship and a broken window
To a storm beginning to brew, trapped in a never-ending horizon.

lovers like us

My thoughts have always be dark, twisted, sinful and erotic,
But that’s what makes the best story my dear, and mine and yours is so beautifully
written in my head,
That sometimes I forgot there are boundaries we need to remember,
Things that are and aren’t appropriate for lovers like us,
But that is perhaps a story for another day, one filled with reality and reminders
But for now, here are the thoughts of us that have never been made into reality,
Well, at least, not yet. I know we both feel the temptation,
I know I sound crazy, how can I cling to something that never was?
How can I crave the touch of someone I’ve never had, never felt in the ways the count?
The answer is simple; hope is such a dangerous thing my love, and my heart knows the dangerous of a temptation all too well.

So let us get back to this story of you, and me,
Where we can be what is felt, what is wanted and what is yearned for.
In my head, our joining is hot and heavy, filled with aggression and sighs of longing,
The kind of sex that makes me forget that I shouldn’t be wanting it,
The kind that has me blushing long after the tiresome deed is done.
In my head, it all plays off the way I need it,
Hot, heavy and leaving me grasping for the air I know I need to breathe,
Your hands on my thighs, gripping hard, leaving behind tiny bruises,
Because you love seeing your mark on my skin in ways that excite you,
But that’s nothing compared to the way you sigh in my ear,
The whimpers of “fuck” that dance along my skin; the whispers of yes and more, dear god do that again,
But the spell is broken right before I catch that mass of relief, the right moment, the thing I need the most from you.

So the fantasy plays on and on and on,
Always changing, yet the same desires remain.
Oh and I am an expert of wanting the things I can’t have,
That’s what’s makes the game all the more exciting.
And I’m left wishing the fantasy were made into a reality,
But that dream is for the wishful thinkers and those willing to ruin the good they’ve found.
So wish me luck, but I’ve never been the type for wishful thinking,
And I’ll hold onto the fabricated memory of the things your body could do to me,
Just bound the reach of the boundaries for lovers like us.

my heart belongs to the sky

If home is where the heart is, than mine will never be tied to yours,
For you are a safety net, secure and waiting for me jump.
But I will never let myself linger too long on that ledge,
That curious fear of falling hasn’t quite hit me yet.

I was never meant to be left waiting, left hoping,
My thoughts are much too dangerous to be left alone for that long.
I long to fall into your safety net, to know what awaits me at the bottom of the jump,
But we aren’t that brave yet, so watch me from afar,
Linger and hope for the best, and maybe one day we will be.

This love is as good as it gets, or so I’ve been told,
And my heart knows not the truth we’ve found,
For she is lost in the stars of a faraway galaxy; in the sky as we free-fall together,
Found in the ocean where we dove too deep and too fast to catch our breath.
But my heart can never tie itself down; she is content with roaming free, for now,
Passing by, latching onto the things she could never possess.
She is a floater; quick to attach herself to the feeling, quicker to release,
Light as a feather in the ways of emotions that could keep her grounded.
So watch me soar, up into the clouds and away with the sea,
Lost in the caresses of the waves as I float among the surface,
Home is where the heart is and mine has been everywhere with me,
Eager to lose herself in the embrace of the world and all it has to offer.

All I was—was you.

All I was—was you.
Consumed in everything of you,
Everything that made me who I thought I needed to be,
You defined every part of me, from the morning realizations to the evening pleas
I couldn’t think without you invading…
Some day, I hope to breath without you,
Some day, I wish to be able to hold onto the love I gave myself when you hadn’t existed,
Wherever, whenever that may be, no matter how deeply buried,
To remind myself there was more to life than the feeling you beat from me,
I hope to feel that once again, the love, the happiness, the joy of a new possibility,
Without you,
Is that wrong…?
Am I allowed to question anything that doesn’t agree,
Because you lead me to think it didn’t exist outside of you,
I know that isn’t true, but my heart couldn’t imagine the world with you,
That I was nothing until you found me,
I found love, I know I did,
But it as not the love I sought, not the love that I hoped for,
But what did I know?
I was innocent, eager to please and to grant you assurance,
That I let myself fall in love with the sinner I was warned about,
Never learning to question until experience cast me in its dark embrace,
So consumed and so jaded,
I learned about you, with you and all of you,
And now
I find myself alone with nothing but the thoughts of what I could have done better for you,
Invading and conquering,
One day I won’t think about you, at all,
And that’s the thought that leads me deeper into excusing you.

stained heart

Took everything and then some from me,
And you still haunt me now,
When I have nothing left to give, and there’s only so much more you can take,
I wish, I hope, you found what you needed of me, because,
I can’t…give you anymore of me.
The power you wield is uncertain, cautious of what damage it could do,
Yet you don’t seem to care of these warnings,
You take and take and take,
No longer caring my heart is bleeding out of my chest for you,
I struggle to shove her back in,
All the while I clutch the stained rags desperately,
Trying to put pieces back into place that no longer fit…
You scoff and kick the ruins aside,
For they no longer serve you any purpose,
And damn…that left a lasting impression…
But she can only suffer fatal wound at a time,
And this one would prove to carry a scar for the rest of time,
So she cleans herself up,
Dries her eyes, and wipes the blood from her heart, and her sleeves,
And hopes to become just like you,
Cold, unyielding and taking everything from those who can’t understand the power of the damage them inflict,
Because that has to be better than what she experienced,
Better to break a heart than have hers destroyed by the thing she wanted so desperately to love.

Once Broken, now Bent

Never had I thought missing you would leave me breathless,
Leave me hopeless and shaking,
Yearning for a love that will never be given in this lifetime.
But those nights are truly the worst.
Caught in my sorrow and pity,
Not even your laugh can pull me back.
No, these nights are mine alone, and as much as I hate them,

I need them.

Need to feel their heavy presence and suffocating grip,
If only to know how much love truly takes and takes and takes,
Leaving such beautiful memories, tragic in their short-lived perfection,
Forever fading, until all that’s left is the feeling of the memory,
These nights come and go, lasting only as long as the sorrow in my heart,
But soon the sorrow will fade too, replaced by something once broken, now bent
And I will be kinder to myself when these nights return once again,
Because to live is to know the ways it can break your heart.

Drown in this Feeling

When the forbidden ends up at my doorstep in more ways than one,
What should I do? Now that my fantasy’s have been made reality,
And having it within my hands is all too much and not enough?
What do you do when you finally grasped the things you’ve been craving?
It’s not in the way I thought, having you like this is something I never saw coming,
I guess I’ll never know, not truly, but I’ve come close.
And I’m not sure what scares me more, wanting this or the fear of having it become a deeper reality then I’m ready for.
We wish we could be more secretive, sly and coy in the ways that count,
I wish my affection wasn’t so apparent, these moans and sighs weren’t so transparent
But living with my heart on my sleeve is a burden I can’t seem to shake,
Despite the ways I’ve tried, and the fact that you know me so well scares me,
But, I’ve come to find trust is both given and returned, if fact, it isn’t as taboo as I once thought it to be.

You should know that with you it’s different.
Because you crept up on me in a way no one ever has,
Baby, these feelings aren’t as easy to ignore a I hoped they’d be;
Harder to ignore the wetness gathering between my thighs,
How my mind wanders back to you in the most sinful of ways,
You’ll never know the countless thoughts wasted on you,
The nights where I’d lay awake and think of things that would never happen,
The same nights were my hands would roam just under my hemline, beneath my panties, touching..right…ah, yes–there, please, please, please.
My thoughts drive me wilder than you, leaving bruises on my hips, my heart.
And you’ll never know what my mind conjures when I’m asleep,
The things you do with your hands and tongue as you hold me down…
I always wake with a gasp and aches that never seem to fade,
But gods how I wish they would never stop.

You’ll never know the way I smile when you aren’t looking,
Or the way my eyes light up when I figure out a new piece to the puzzle of you.
You could never know that whatever this is,
It means so much more to me than you know,
That letting someone in is such a risk for a soul like mine,
And the fact that you’ve managed to snake your way in is not lost on me.
So here we are, stuck at the lines that can’t be crossed in this lifetime,
Yet we still linger over them, testing their boundaries and limitations,
Hoping that one day, there will be a crack in their defenses or a weakness made known,
For lovers like us to jump and grasp with everything we are,
And maybe then we can let go, be lost in the abyss of us,
Abandoned by good and bad, left to drown in the feeling.

we love best high

I think we love best high,
When we can’t form a coherent thought,
And the feelings are all we have, to know what’s real.
That’s when we are in sync and in love,
Tracing our names onto our skin,
Only to feel the emotions vibrate off a single touch,
But maybe,
Maybe this is how we are meant to love,
Focused on a feeling, an emotion we can’t name,
But only feel,
I think,

I think we love best drunk,

Because, when we’re sober, we don’t remember the words so sweetly whispered,
Those of love that spilled so easily from our lose lips,

So freely, without the constraint,
They come without hesitation and thought,
As if they were ready, bursting through our minds and off our tongues,
Uninhibited,

Free,
The way we wished we could love,
I think…
I think we love bettered altered,
Because we aren’t ready to give these emotions sense in the logic and norm,

Or maybe,
Because they only live in the altered reality we paint ourselves after one too many….