hazy in….

Hazy filled thoughts,

Remind me why we aren’t meant to act on them?
Because I can’t seem to care at this moment,

All I can think about is you
And everything that comes with being yours
The way your hands must feel on such sensitive skin,
What elicited cries you’ll bring from my throat,
I blush just thinking about it

I can’t stop my wandering eyes, or my wandering hands,
As they drift lower and lower,
Finding that spot that makes me sing the croons the sweetest of sins,
My body knows what she wants,
And she drips at the thought of your hands claiming what belongs to them,
Eager for that release only you can give,

Relapse; repeat, again,
I’ve fallen into this habit of you,

Dazed, so out of touch with the reality I present,
Can you bring me to the edge and be the very same who pushes me over,
Or must I find that release somewhere else,

In the hazy thoughts that are clouded by you and you alone…
My eyes and hands have begun to wander again.
You can’t hold be accountable for that comes next…

candle in the wind

Goddamn you’re so close,
I can touch you; graze the tips of my fingers against your cheek,
But I can never grasp you in your entirety
And it kills me, to know the perfect soul for mine is found,
Yet so far from my reach,
What does this mean?
Is this my own personal hell I created—
To long for the one I can never have, never touch,
What kind of life is this supposed to be?

Am I meant to write sad love songs to your heart,
Hoping you’ll take pity upon my feverish gaze and look back at me
Or were we meant to be the fire that ignites our souls
Sets a flame to a love so pure it burns us blind in love,
And as quick as we burn, we fade into smoke and ash…

I hate that I can’t figure it out,
Can’t figure you out,
I’d be a fool to not fall in love with you,
Or a fool all the same to fall,
But I can’t imagine my heart could be anything better than with you in her.
And now all I’m left with is the candle I hold to your lips,
I’ll hold onto the flame
And pray you don’t blow it out.

the gotcha fool

Dance around me,
those eyes drawing me in,
The heat growing between us,
And we have yet to lay a hand on each other,
What could this be if not love,
…or lust, or passion of whatever I need to say to get you in my arms now,

I’ll say anything, you know you have that power over me,
My arousal spiked and my thoughts focused on you,
You must have drugged me,
Intoxicated me with more than just your charm
I’ve never felt this strongly about anything,
And although your tempting,
I can’t believe my heart would be ensnared so deeply by the looks of you alone,
yet, I feel like I know your soul

And that has to mean something,
To feel you so stronger and not know you at all, God what a wonder, to know what love is
And yet, not be able to describe it….
I (hope) think this is what that is, for us,
At least, we can still find out and explore….

dance around me

Dance around me,
those eyes drawing me in,
The heat growing between us,
And we have yet to lay a hand on each other,
What could this be if not love,
…or lust, or passion of whatever I need to say to get you in my arms now,

I’ll say anything, you know you have that power over me,
My arousal spiked and my thoughts focused on you,
You must have drugged me,
Intoxicated me with more than just your charm
I’ve never felt this strongly about anything,
And although your tempting,
I can’t believe my heart would be ensnared so deeply by the looks of you alone,
yet, I feel like I know your soul

And that has to mean something,
To feel you so stronger and not know you at all, God what a wonder, to know what love is
And yet, not be able to describe it….
I (hope) think this is what that is, for us,
At least, we can still find out and explore….

i don’t have the answer…

The tears come unexpectedly,
Then again, I suppose tragedies always come whenever they please,
Neither caring nor acknowledging the lives they destroyed after taking one,
Simply moving on, why does time make it look so easy?

Or is it easy because it isn’t trapped, frozen in the spot where your heart broke,
Where you whole axis shifted to deal with something you never dreamed
And a piece of your soul vanishes in a blink of an eye as the hand falls from your grasp…

The tears come now, almost like clock work
At the expected time,
Like my heart knows its time to mourn you,
But I can’t let myself, because that means missing you is now my new normal,
And I don’t know what normal is without you there,
I don’t want to,
Not ready to take another step without you holding my hand,
Guiding me—I can’t, I’ll fall, stumble,
I can’t get up, I’m afraid I’ll live forever down here,
Crying over you,
Clinging to a dream I’ll pray to never wake from,
A pray to never know the end to,
Even though my reality reminds me ever time I open my eyes…

The tears flow and they seem to never stop,
And I know time with lessen their meaning,
And maybe stop them from fall altogether,
But,
I’ll still be living in my dreamland,
Where you laugh and cry with me,
Never letting go of my hand…

damn heartbreaking

It’s damn heartbreaking,
So fucking tragic,
I’ll cry myself enough to drown,
And it still would never change you mind,
So stubborn, so proud,
I hope your ego keeps you warm at night,
For that will be the only thing to stay,
Because I can’t keep begging,
Wishing you could change, could see the hurt,
Wish you could be anything other than who I see before me,
Because this, this isn’t worth the heart ache,
The way I split myself in two,
My heart scattered into pieces, too jagged to piece back together,
And I let you break me,
And it hurts so damn much to say that,
Because I thought you were the one,
But it seems the only thing I was sure of is just how much you would affect me,
Change me, your mark will forever be on the fragments of my heart.

entitled

Aw darling, were the words I said to harsh for your ideals,
Did I not fit into the definition of what you defined me?
You were never a part of my life in the way you so desperately needed to be,
And you threw tantrums and lashed out when you couldn’t get the answers you wanted,
Petty little bully, shoved into the words of a keyboard
And that was fine; I let you wear yourself down, all tuckered out,
Yet you couldn’t stay asleep,
And had to give one last failed attempt,
Kicking your feet and screaming insults all because you were unhappy with whatever was the cause,
Because I didn’t let you in, refused for fall,
But don’t let me be the one to tell you otherwise,
Because I truly don’t care,
We weren’t friends, I made that clear,
And you couldn’t take the goddamn hint,
But thankfully only the plastic of our screens saw the damage and desperation.
Though the testimonies will forever haunt the Internet…

It’s a sigh of relief,
Not having to explain for the hundredth time why you aren’t worth mine,
How does it feel to cast me aside, to make your stance?
I hope it gives you the closure you think you deserve,
And let this be the last reminder of just what we were,
In reality, not in the words we cast aside,
That there never was or will a time when this would have been anything more than what it was,
Nothing but a blink in the moments of life,
As quick to come was it was gone….

to see forever

You told me we would see forever,
Under the stars and the moon,
As timeless as they were,

A fool, I was, to believe that we could ever amount to the stars,
I suppose the stars in my eyes blinded me from seeing what you truly meant,

That there was only magic in your words, but no meaning behind them,
But I’ll still blame the darkness for not being able to see you as you were,

And I was a fool all the same.

bad b*tch

Bad bitch, sad bitch…can you blame a bitch?
All these lovely titles make smile, make me laugh,
Until I don’t know whether the tears came before or after
Cry me a river, or I’ll cry myself a storm,
Either one should be enough to flush you out of my system,
Still, the rain that falls from my eyes holds the toxic traits of you,
Because even when the clouds fade from my skies,
You still find a way to linger
Polluting my future, my vision,
I wish you still saw my as this goddess,
This woman who held her head high and commanded love and respect,
But you let the storms cloud your eyes too,
And now all we see is the blurred visions of what we were,
Long ago,
Or maybe not that long ago,
Maybe we simply forgot what we swore to be for each other,
Our clouds rolled in too soon to the sky,
Turning the sunny days into ominous promises,
And we let ourselves transform into the things we promised we would never,
Bad bitch, sad bitch, I am that bitch.
And let me tell you from a bitch’s point of view,
I will come out of this storm more powerful than you know to fear.

shine

It’s hard to see you with your past,
This person isn’t the one I loved,
Who you were with her is painful to watch,
So subdued, so submissive to malicious intent,
Only a shell,
And it only makes it harder, to know that.
Eager to fulfill everyone’s happiness but your own,
It’s sad, hard to watch,
I looked away for a long time
Blinders on when it came to you,
Until I couldn’t be blinded by you any longer,
So in need of, something, anything,
A saving grace, a prayer sent up to deaf ears,
Anything to pull to for the toxic life you settled for,
So hard now, to look back and remember how you were,
Who you were with had molded,
But now, in my hands,
Molded into the person I love,
The one who chose happiness, your own
It’s hard to look at you,
And not be blinded by how you shine.