something mean in me

There is something mean in me,
The need to critique, the satisfaction to see suffering and struggle,
And I don’t know where or why I discovered this,
Kept it close to me as armor,
As though it made me better to see the hurt and pain and to acknowledge it.
Maybe it’s human nature,
The need to up those that have wronged you,
And damn did you do me dirty,
But I can’t understand why I can’t let it go,
Why do you have this amazing ability to pick and prod,
Ripping and Band-Aid off my bleeding wound,
And I never understand why I run through the gauze,
Ignoring the affect you have on me,
I turn my head to the side
Rejecting the affection in place of my resentment,
And I just can’t seem to stop the natural jerk away,
Nor the need to make you see my point of view while yelling at you to figure it out,
There is something mean in my, I know there is,
I see it when I look into the glass,
But I can’t let her go,
And it will probably be the death of us.

melt in my mouth

You melt like chocolate in my mouth,
Like candy, tangy and sticky,
Taste so sweet I can’t help but lick you up,
Up and down, I could swallow you whole,
But that wouldn’t be as much fun, would it darling
You suck in a breath,
Hissing as your fingers reach to cling to something, anything,
Just something to keep you grounded,
But I have plans to take you higher than that,
I relish in the thought of you losing control,
Gets me off, more than you know,
And I know you can feel my smile,
The room goes quiet,
Save for your small gasps,
And the hum from the back of my throat,
I know you’re close,
You’re reaching blindly to for something to control the need got buck up,
The urge to clutch the back of my head,
And the urge builds and builds,
Until you explode,
The world goes still as you breathe a silent curse,
And I relax, letting you feel it all,
You melted in my mouth just how I hoped you would,
And I smile, licking my lips as I think of round two,
You shiver.

some days I miss it

Some days I miss it,
Losing sleep, heart racing butterflies falling,
That kind of love,
The new, the exciting, the dangerous,
Because I never knew what it would give me,
How it would unfold in my hands,
How it could break in a matter of days under my guise,
But there are days that I look at you,
And I know all I’m missing are old memories,
Feelings that made me feel important,
Even though they were shallow, but just enough to drown me,
They faded as quickly as the tide,
And you were always there in the shadow,
To remind me of the feelings that were true and real
My past never mattered when I saw my preset and future with you.

shade

How do you still manage to play the victim?
And convince yourself you’ve done nothing wrong,
You play the part so well, though,
Lonely hearts always lash out against when their true colors are shown.
Even now, so much time has past,
Yet; you still play martyr, spreading this forest fire until you’re licking the ash,
Make my life match the so-called hell I put you through
Feelings hurt, and you become exposed as the lies you built crumble down.
Lonely heart wasn’t so lonely, underneath your true manipulation and abuse,
Only now, the parts you neglected have healed and forgotten about you…
Really darling, did you really think you could take me on and win?
Check the spelling bitch, there’s no going back now that you’re exposed

i took a chance

I took a chance and I wish it paid off,
Maybe it did, in some ways,
Gambled my love, my fate, away on the luck of a draw
And it came back to me in the glare of the neon lights,
Under the guise of a lover who cared
A lover who was you, and everything you weren’t
(you were never in my cards,
you just threw yourself into every strangers eye I caught )

I think I needed this random encounter,
This meeting of chance,
Taking away my will and focus,
Remotely finding the easiest way to play me for all my worth,
Stripping me of my fortune, though we all know that was laughable,
I wasn’t worth much,
A couple of dimes,
A few pretty pictures,

But I thought you saw more,
Saw me as this untouchable thing,
In Providence, a goddess with everything you desired.
Destiny found her way to us and intertwined us together,
I thought so highly, it’s only funny I fell so trivially,
Falling on every jab and sharp comment that came my way
My luck had to run out eventually,
Destiny had to call it quits on a fallen heart,
Diamonds can only withstand so much pressure before they crack,
And now I’m left with a spade of the chance we could have been,

 

 

 

unholy fires

She has nothing to do with me;
Yet, I make it a point to find comparisons
Ways that I can weave a similarity out of silver thread,
And make a whole story as to why you think this way,
As to why I think this way,
Because we know I’m the problem,
My creative mind and her insecurities,
She has a hold on me the way no one ever will,
Don’t get me wrong,
You’re no saint in this unholy union,
And your sins could drag me down just as fast,
But my fires have a way of engulfing the whole of us
And leaving the remains in its ashes,
Not even strong enough for the embers to find a rekindle,
And that scares me,
Because I can always find a root to this burn out,
She,
She had the power to ignite us, and smother indefinitely,
And that shouldn’t be, she shouldn’t be a sun on our good days,
Nor the clouds on our bad,
I give her power, because she holds it over me,
But she shouldn’t over us,
And I have problems separating the two,
Comparisons and confidences be damned,
I can’t stop; it’s too much for the fragile heart of mine,
So I let the fires engulf what remains our future, our hopes, trust and love,
And then have the nerve to question if you ever loved me as strongly as the fires that destroyed us.

the inside of me

I wonder if the inside of me looks the way I imagine,
Is it sweet, justified and willing to hear all sides of the story?
Does my skin cover my sympathy and my empathy in one finger?
Or are different parts assigned to different emotions,
Does my heart beat the same?
Or does it bleed all over my sleeves when exposed so often,
I wish I knew,
Though I feel like I do,
How can I imagine it any differently?
It’s like faith,
Present when you pray feverishly,
But when you stare to hard, or call it by name,
It vanishes in front of your eyes,
Leaving a trace of what you once felt,
Left clinging to the space between the ribs,
As though a real pain guts you,
I wonder…
I wonder if you think I’m the same person I view myself as,
Do we both see me as a lover, as a person to share your secrets with?
Tight vault, locked by your key,
Do we both see a lover scorned by fires she wasn’t ready to hold?
Do you trace the scars the way I do?
Lovingly and misty eyed,
I wonder these things so much,
And so little, is it possibly to think with both sides of your brain,
Maybe that’s why I’m going crazy,
Too many thoughts running free,
But…I wonder why I see myself one way, and you another,
Perhaps, this is why we can see ourselves in our full capacity,
Too much to contain and to much to absorb in one glance,
I wonder if I look the way you think I do…