Pawns of the King & Queen

I can’t tell what I feel for you, infatuation or devotion, lust or love,
But the affects feel the same, and I’m left tongue tied and flustered,
A friendship left to define itself within the boundaries.
But these thoughts are so loud, screaming at me to define what this means to us, what this is.
We went down this road before, thinking we could change each other,
And all we got were biting kisses, bruised lips, torn skin; two damaged hearts that clung together as they drowned.
So I guess all that’s left is to hang onto every work spoken, clinging to what is open to interpretation.
When I’m sober these thoughts rack my brain, stealing my breath and fluttering the butterflies, but, the more I drink the more, those feelings aren’t as strong,
So maybe I’m a safer drunk than I realize,
Or maybe the affection I have for you drowns in the alcohol I chose to let course through my veins, numbing the affects you have on my heart and me.
Which I thought had been so guarded.

Either way, I feel like this is a dangerous game we chose to play,
Kings and queens roaming the board without a care for the pawns beneath us,
Laughing as our knights fight for whatever is left scattered across the board.
Despite this game we play, I still feel as though I should have been warned,
Feelings this strong should come with a warrant—
‘Caution to this victim, she can only take so much of you until she bleeds,
And this time her heart might not be able to come back form it’.

I can’t let us drown for a second time
And you shouldn’t want to swim in these dark waters with me,
So let us say our goodbyes and cut off all ties,
And I will look back on this fondly, a lesson I needed to learn the hard way,
And maybe one day when we meet again on the board
Our pawns will be able to defend and protect.
Or maybe we will be different rulers all together,
A king with the power to not only break, but mend what he damaged,
A Queen whose lips are red from the lips she kisses, not the blood she spills,
And her heart will no longer be worn on her ripped sleeve.

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walls of stone

I am a contraction in the worst of ways,
The need to be held and loved and cared for runs deep,
Yet, the fear of letting you in holds deeper, its grip much too tight.
And I try and try to talk myself into letting go,
To living and wanting and feeling the things that make people fall in love,
But I’ve seen what love does to vulnerable hearts,
And mine would be torn from my chest with one heartbeat skipped.

These rivers and caverns that run through the course of me have eroded and carved their marks,
Left lasting impressions that have been carried over to maturity,
They guard secrets and treasures too important to leave,
And I wander the caves searching for a way to make it out,
Leaving blood stains and chalk marks as I’ve tried to claw my way to a different view
Sick of being stonewalled and left in the dark.
But all I’m left with are more paths that lead downward,
And walls and walls and walls of stone.

Cross your fingers and throw the rope down,
Lets hope for both our sakes there’s a bottom to be reached,
Shout as you descend, it’s dangerous this far down,
And I’ll let your echoed love bounce along the walls,
As your voice carries to the deepest parts of a long winded tunnel.
Climb down as far as you dare, but know I won’t make it easy for you,
As I’ve said these caves hold far more valued things than I want them too.

These contradictions and me have been buried in that rock and stone for some time,
Laid out among its walls and stretched thin enough to cover the cavern inside
And this could be a broken happy ever after
Because at least one of us has to be happy, right?
But this cliff dive had proven to be more trouble than it’s worth,
All we’re left with is the blisters on our hands and blood that’s spilled and dried,
So make your home among the rock and the solitude it brings because,
This labyrinth can only draw us further into its dark desire,
Tempting us with false promises of an easier way and a silver lining,
And wall and walls and walls of stone…

my heart belongs to the sky

If home is where the heart is, than mine will never be tied to yours,
For you are a safety net, secure and waiting for me jump.
But I will never let myself linger too long on that ledge,
That curious fear of falling hasn’t quite hit me yet.

I was never meant to be left waiting, left hoping,
My thoughts are much too dangerous to be left alone for that long.
I long to fall into your safety net, to know what awaits me at the bottom of the jump,
But we aren’t that brave yet, so watch me from afar,
Linger and hope for the best, and maybe one day we will be.

This love is as good as it gets, or so I’ve been told,
And my heart knows not the truth we’ve found,
For she is lost in the stars of a faraway galaxy; in the sky as we free-fall together,
Found in the ocean where we dove too deep and too fast to catch our breath.
But my heart can never tie itself down; she is content with roaming free, for now,
Passing by, latching onto the things she could never possess.
She is a floater; quick to attach herself to the feeling, quicker to release,
Light as a feather in the ways of emotions that could keep her grounded.
So watch me soar, up into the clouds and away with the sea,
Lost in the caresses of the waves as I float among the surface,
Home is where the heart is and mine has been everywhere with me,
Eager to lose herself in the embrace of the world and all it has to offer.

We Had

Oh darling, it looks like the world is at our feet,
Arms wide open, there’s nothing left to lose.
But that was when we had everything, and the world we knew was no bigger than you and me.
Those nights we won’t remember are just that,
Lost in the blackness of what we could have had,
Had we been able to control that venom in our veins,
Had we been able to say no to one more fun memory we thought we’d never forget,
Had, had, had, all lost in the past,
Trapped in the dangerous promise of ‘I’ll always remember this moment with you’.

That was when the world was at our feet, or so we thought,
Our hearts left wide open and our minds not yet clouded with the harshness of the world,
Oh how I miss those days, those two innocent people who were eager to explore,
Eager to give themselves away to the unknown, eager to love with no restraint.
Oh how we have changed, so much I can hardly remember who we once were.
I look back with fond eyes and a hardened heart, but sometimes these things have to happen,
Some things have a funny way of making us a better version of what we thought we would be.
So here’s to those nights we can’t remember, for the things we will never get back,
Here’s to the promises that we never kept, and the ones we wished were never made,
Had we been different people, had we been able to control our selfish impulses,
Had, had, had, all lost in the past,
Trapped in the memory of a night we had thought we’d never forget.

Let’s Play Pretend

The forbidden had always been a craving of mine,
What must it be like to give into sinful desire?
Just a little taste and I’ll be sedated. Those lies taste almost as sweet as what I want you to do to me;
To act upon temptations that plague the heart in all the worst ways,
Giving in, what a sweet release,
But the fantasy is interrupted by my brutal reality,
And I’m having trouble meeting your eyes,
My heart in knots, flushed with guilt or enticement, fear or longing, who knows anymore,
I tried to make the fantasies stop, but there you are,
Lingering at the edge of an already wild mind filled with wilder thoughts.

I see you in the darkness of my bedroom,
My body wishing it was your hands on me,
Lips clashing, while your tongue grazes a little too close to my heart.
To know my mind is to claim my heart,
But that would break this new lovers fragile heart,
To know he is a mere replacement for the boy I could never have
So I take the head of the lover whose name I can’t recall and shove it between my thighs,
Praying, hoping, he’ll make me forget about you for a few blissful minutes.

So convenient, this longing comes at my most lonely hours,
So wrong, so wrong, but it’s so right whenever I picture it my pretty little head,
So let’s play pretend, and I’ll whisper all the things I want you to do,
Laughing a little too hard when I play them off as a joke,The cute way I pretend that you haven’t shaken me to my core, and you have yet to touch me.
And I’m having trouble looking you in the eyes, cause,
These thoughts just won’t leave me alone,
Regardless of whose arms I find myself in, is it wrong I wish they were yours?
If only I knew what went on in the pretty little head of yours,
The irony of it is not lost on me,
But that’s the beauty of a fantasy, is it not?
And this addiction is proving to be a harder habit to break,
Though it will most likely shatter with the rest of my heart, when the cruel reality makes itself permanently known in this pretty little fantasy.
The forbidden had always been a craving of mine…

The Story We Could Have Been

They love to talk about us; the story we could have been But I know that our romance is better left in the pages of an untold story,
So watch this fairytale collapse in itself and lets get whisked away on a happily never after.
It’s safer that this infatuation remains in my head,
For anything to spill over would be, well,
Let’s go back to the start of it all and try to remember how we got here,
Because I’m tried of talking about the speculation and could- be’s,
That fairytale that never was…

I miss when we didn’t care what others thought,
When life and time were the only obstacles we cared to face together,
But know our heads are lost in the clouds;
Our tongues tied in the lies we tell each other,
Our heart could never know how much they mean to the other,Old flames seem to die so slowly,
There embers burning through the long, lonely nights,
Eager to warm a cold bed; an even colder heart.
But I’ve had my fair share of those lust filled nights
When old flames burn too brightly to last anything more than that night,
So lets meet under the moon, when our eyes have blocked out reality,
And try to remember a time when we could have been more than this.

crash and burn

Oh baby you look like a bad decision wrapped in good intentions,
All smiles and laughs; painting a pretty picture of a future with you.
The night never did look as promising as when we drove through the thunder and clouds. A prediction of our love I suppose,
But I always felt safest in the thick of the storm,
Hidden in the wind and rain, covered by natures own protector,
Where none of the monsters were brave enough to dare step through.

Drive, drive, and drive, passing all the things that beg is to stop and marvel,
Leaving behind the things that made us who we were
And running through the stop signs and yields that wish we had turned around.
When it comes to you, I just can’t see to look past the warning signs and red lights,
Rather, the butterflies in my chest flutter when I see you,
And the breath in my lungs comes out in pants and longing sighs,
But the drive is long and rough for a passenger of my stature,
So I crank the radio up and sing to my hearts content, never minding my tears or the rain beating on the windshield.

Crash and burn, crash and fall,
The drive has taken its toll and we are left with its aftermath,
The wreckage can still be seen from the roadside, our lives surviving in the echoes of the
horn,
I know you can still see me through broken glass,
The way I trace the remains of you and the life we wanted,
Stained in the glass of beautiful image frozen in the best parts of our life,
Painting a pretty picture of a future, translucent in the rainbow shards.
We crash and burn; crash and run right into each other,
Never knowing you or me, all those bad intentions wrapped together, painted in the smiles and laughs of more promising journey…