Why can’t I see straight,
Why are all these thoughts swirling inside?

Pushing to get out,
Screaming inside my mind,
But my mouth refuses to open,
Hazy and dazed,
I fooled myself into thinking you’d be there when I came down,
I guess I inhaled on an exhale,
Let it cloud my judgment,
And it left me with a dry mouth and a drier wit,
Enough to combat the damage you left me in,

But it still clouds me,
Still asking for the jokes, the where is he if he’s not with you remarks…
And I still laugh them off,
Like they don’t know I’ve already taken the punch line,
Knee slapping and gut clenching,
I take it all,
Just to hope, to remind myself of when you were still here.

paint yourself

Paint yourself the victim,
Yell the story out until your voice drowns out the truth,
Because that’s the only way you know how,
So sad, so betrayed by your lifestyle,
By the paths you chose and those you were lead astray on,
All choices, all yours
And you still have the nerve,
Darling, please,
This is embarrassing,
Act your age; no one is amused any more,
That’s harsh, but maybe it’s what you need to hear,
You can’t begin to fix yourself still thinking you’re not the problem
And it will take time
And I won’t be here when you finally realize,
Because I saw who you were after trying to help heal you,
And for nothing,
Paint yourself whatever you need,
But it can never cover up who you truly are.

so tired

I’m so tired,
So…I just…
Some days I can’t form the sentences I need to tell you,
To let you know I can’t handle this anymore,
The days drag and the nights are sleepless,
And I can’t seem to make sense of anything that goes on in my head,
Bu there you are,
Waiting patiently for me to come down,
To rest my tired eyes, my weary soul,
And suddenly the depth isn’t as steep,
The darkness only so much
And I can pull myself back.
Some days though, there will always be those some days,
And I hope you’ll still be there,
Hope and arms open,
Waiting for me to crawl out of the depth,
Back into your arms,
Ready to face the next day.

to big to be contained

Who cares what they say?
If the world isn’t meant for hearts like this, like ours,
Because I know we love hard,
Hard enough to make the change we both needed but didn’t want to face,
Our gravity pulled us together,
The fates and stars align for some people,Like us,
And who are we to fight the cosmos,
Fuck the rest of the world,
They aren’t us,
And thank god for that,
Because no one gets me like you do
And we wouldn’t have it any other way,
Let the world burn, let them talk until their lungs turn black from the ash they inhale,
You and me will be hanging off the edge of the stars,
Laughing and dancing amongst the black,
Away from a world not meant for hearts to big to be contained.

false love

I know you’re wrong for me,
But I need the validations,
The high I get from your eyes on me,
And I know better,

I do,

But the way your fingers feel in-between my thighs,
The breath only you can draw from my lips,

I need it,
I tell myself only you,

And I wonder if you tell yourself the same thing…

caught up

Strictly to the point,
I hang on your last word,
I missed that last part,
Was it important,
Do I need to remember the way your voice carried?
The octave it took when it went to far,
The storm that took hold of both of us in the moment,
Or how our voices got carried away in the wind,
Drowning out whatever we needed to hear in place of what we said,
Strict, down to the letter,
Is it better we wrote it out?
Got it all down as the ink bleed from our fingers,
Or are we cowering behind a shield,
Letting words fight the battle we wage,
Letting it take the causalities, hit after hit,
Line after line,
Hanging in the air, on the paper, on our last breath,
Was it important…the things we wanted, needed to say,
Because I can’t seem to make sense of it anymore,
Intangible and messy,
Nothing can make sense of this,
Did I miss something?

pretty poison

Oh what pretty poison you’ve made,
Wrapped nice and neat,
The bottle is so captivating, just another look…
The time it took,
That sweet liquid would taste divine down my throat,
Give it here,
Let me have just a little taste,
I promise to make it worth your while,
Just a taste,
I need it, just to feel again,
To let myself be wrapped in your love,
Visions dance inside my lids,
Eager to make them a reality,
I reach for you,
To find you dancing through my fingertips,
As thought you know the dangers that are warned,
Do not take with food,
Do not mix with love,
I can’t help myself; I never read the fine print,
And I indulged myself just enough until I regret my choice,
And yet, continue to make the same ones time and time again,
Oh, what a intoxicating liquor you have,
Let me try a sip,
I promise, only a taste…