You and I are the best fantasy I could have ever dreamt up,
One where I don’t have to remember to be proper and appropriate,
But our reality is so stark, stranded between the lust and the morale.
And the boundaries I try so hard to remember, so hard to stay behind,
Keep drifting further and further away, until all I’m left with are reasons why:
Why I shouldn’t just dive in, why I should be guilty for feeling this type of way.

Fantasies are fantasies my love, only fatal when acted upon,
And oh, what an orgasmic death it would be.
To have your hands upon me in the ways my mind conjures,
To feel your lips on my breasts, that mouth worshiping me in ways that make the gods weep.
My gasps and moans are the only thing that can resonate between us.
I close my eyes, lost in the feeling of your roaming hands,
Letting them slip further down my body, between my hips, touching the best parts of me.
Your fingers curling deeper and deeper, stroking deeper and drawing out this intense pleasure, until I can only gasp and plea for release.
Kiss me, take the words off my tongue and put me in my place,
A place where I forget that it’s a sin to want this sex so much.

There’s no better version of me than when I’m with you,
Wanting and craving you in all the right ways,
Take me, fuck me in ways that make me regret wanting to leave you in the morning,
But know that your pull will only last as long as my affection for you lingers,
And my heart is as shaky as these boundaries we’ve placed on ourselves.
So lets make this night one to remember,
And give it to me as good as you can, pin me down with nothing but the need to take you deeper,
Let your hips grind harder into me than the reality of our shameful love.
And for you my mind will always flash back,
Remembering what could have been, the fantasies that never became our reality.

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essence of me

I know you think I can be your quick fix,
Your fuck between the sheets, hidden in the dark and moonlight,
And I use you too—have no doubt,
But I am tired of connecting for a single, shameful evening,
Excited on the feeling alone, the satisfaction of a moment of pleasure,
Where my mouth is too full to question the essence of this union.

I am so tired being used as a body, and not a mind,
And I know, I shouldn’t let every man with a nice smile and bad boy charm into my heart,
But my wards have weakened and these walls are old.
And I only know how to connect in the most primal way.
Intimacy had always be a foreign, terrifying thing to me.
I never let anyone too close to my heart; she’s too vulnerable and fragile for this constant war.

I know you think you’ve had your way with me,
Fucked me so good that I’d keep coming back to your bed,
But I’ll know better than to fall victim you a talented tongue and skilled fingers,
And I want more than this casual state of affairs, so I’ll let you think this is all this is,
Let you think that you know me after a night of meaningless words dipped in alcohol.
I’ll bind my time for the one that the connection will run more than skin deep,
So then I’ll be trapped in the excitement of discovering a new person, not by you,
One that connects to me in ways that has nothing to do with my body,
And everything to do with the essence of me.

Remind Me the Ways I Love You

Some say there are things that can’t be forgiven,
And I never believed them until I met you.
I hope you know I love you, so much that it has destroyed me.
Damaged me in all the ways that count; you’ve ruined me for anyone else,
And there is nothing romantically tragic about that…

It is just smoke and mirrors of a love deserved, a love falsely earned.
And I wish I could blame you,
Wish I could shout and cry and then move on, like it was something left in my past,
Something that shouldn’t define me, but dear god it’s the only thing that does.
You continue to haunt me in my waking hour,
Tormenting me with reminders of why I love you still.

Nothing is ever this simple, never black and white,
A lesson you’ve brutally taught me in more ways than one.
The less I seem to care, the more I can’t look at you.
Your hands, those that once held me so gently and so tender,
Have done so much, my mind cannot even begin to grasp,
And all I am left is the ‘what if’ and the why.
The thoughts that ‘I hate you for making me think this way’ never seem to leave this troubled mind,
And you have destroyed my chances of trusting another as intimately as I did you.
Sometimes I wish I could unlearned hatred and sorrow,
For than, at least I’d be blissfully ignorant to your selfish ways,
But perhaps, these are lessons we need to learn by those closest to us,
To remind us that humans are bound by the sin they seem too desperate to avoid,
And that love makes monsters out of us all if we let it.

But this is not a hateful rant, a sad love song, or a tormented soul looking for redemption.
No, I’ve grown too guarded, too jaded for such things,
Rather, let this be a lesson in sorrow,
A lesson in love, as it were—For love is only as unconditional as we make it,
And I will never allow myself to feel to freely again,
Without making sure the net is secure to catch my descent,
Because what is falling in love if you are only meant to plummet to the bottom?
Left wondering the ‘what-ifs’ and the “how could this have happened to me?’
What is the fall if only to remind me of the ways I loved you?

Beautiful Reverie

Sometimes, things happen the way you’d seen them once in a dream,
Hazy, familiar, but too good, so good, to be true,
That’s what falling for you felt like.
Easy and terrifying and I looked up and you were everything I thought about,
I clung to you the way I do a reverie, just out of my reach,
Like I can still grasp and take as mine.

There had been others that came close, but never the way you have.
And that bothers me, because what does that say to my heart?
That she only wants and needs the things that electrify her,
Things that enticed and comfort and make her feel again,
Only to have them stripped and torn from her—a waking nightmare from a beautiful dream.
I am tired of this sorrowful fantasy, this reality that my mind invokes in the safety of the dark.
But my heart is learning, and she whispers these feelings when she thinks no one is listening.

Love…love, what a small word for something so powerful
A silly notion, that tries to encompass the depth of my feelings for this…for you, in a single word.
I can’t say the word, not yet, for that would give this feeling too much power over me,
So I write you these beautiful words, letting you decipher their meanings, never actually telling you my thoughts.
Here I am, laying it all out on the page before you.
So maybe one day this dream will become a song, with lyrics deep and tragic and just beautiful enough to crawl their way out on my dreams and into your heart.
A hymn to the person that makes me feel, that terrifies me and loves me the way I need.

beautiful fantasy

There are no words to explain this situation,
I wish I could say I had no part,
That I didn’t feel the way I did,
But honesty is the lesson I try to live by,
So I can’t bring myself to deceit you.
Though I can’t take all the blame,
Despite what you wish to be true,
I can admit that your mind in your own worst enemy,
And that I can’t help the way we interact,
Chemistry is chemistry and ours wasn’t to be ignored,
Despite our efforts, despite the rights and wrongs,
We fell into a dangerous habit,
And out came an affair of the hearts.
Perfect in its flaws and how we didn’t commit to any sin,
Not a one, but oh the downfall we had claimed was so spectacular,
Beautiful in the wrongness and temptation
Right in the connection of souls,
But this is not meant to be, so don’t tell me how amazing we were,
Or how amazing we can still be,
But rather, remind me of the beautiful fantasy we make,
And that is just that, a fantasy between two souls longing for something more,
A connection made when there wasn’t room to grow,
A love where those hearts had no space adjust,
So this is my fantasy of you, trapped in the space between my mind and heart,
Where this love was just pretty words wrapped in a pretty idea,
Never meant to surpass this temptation habit, this dangerous safety net

Falling In Love with Strangers

I find myself falling in love with the strangers I meet.
The allure they hold over the treasures they conceal,
That lay at the bottom of the oceans of their heart.
We meet in the strangest of ways,
At the bus stop, in the trails of the park we both wonder,
From places I’ve never been, and they find their way to me still.

They leave marks hidden in my skin,
Their fingerprints stained on my heart.
Their chains wrap around me, locked in infatuation and lust.
Each stranger exists in the hollows of my heart,
An enigma wrapped in love’s reasoning,
And I find solace comfort in the unknown of our connection.

Kiss my skin, your lips tell me the tales of forgotten love,
Whisper sweet nothing in my ear, and I’ll tell you anything you need to hear,
Give me the affection I crave, and I’ll give you heaven on Earth.
We build the greatest story ever told,
It happens in a week, a month, a year,
And they still end the same way.

Thus as quickly as the moment begins, it ends,
A simple moment in time, a distant dream,
Lost in the madness of reality.
Stranger things happen to those who don’t see,
The connection that can build from a single touch,
Sparks that ignite thoughts only a God bless,and a Devil can relish in.

They give enough to keep me intrigued, so
The game begins again as the star rises from the east.
And as the it sets I’ve set my sights on someone new.
In the twilight I confess my sins,
I can call it love until I begin to hate you.
For I cannot love someone I do not see myself in.

So I’ve found myself falling in love with each stranger I meet,
As each holds something I lack in the depths of my heart and mind.
Because falling in love with someone is easier when they don’t know your sins.

Consequences that Bleed

Say the words to me and I’ll fall apart,
Not because hearing it out loud hurts, not because they’re things I can’t handle,
But because they come form you, the one I thought could never do anything to hurt me…you, who knows me so well it plagues me even now.

Though I can’t blame you for it all,
I let you in, let you know the way I feel, the way I look at the world,
And that is on me. Letting someone in always comes with high stakes,
I just wish the monsters didn’t look as beautiful as you.
I wish that I didn’t trust so easily, couldn’t love the things that cause so much pain.

Say the words; say them, because I do need to hear them.
You say they’re for my own good,
Speak them as though you aim to hurt, wish to cause me pain so that I will never
recover,
And though maybe not as dramatic, show me the ways love hurts,
Because only an idiot would keep coming back to this, for a love that isn’t love,
But rather…well, who’s to say what this is, but isn’t as beautiful and simple as what I’d hope love to be.

Say the words, maybe I’ll believe the lies; maybe this truth just hurts me more.
You brought them to the forefront of this love, and now we must live with the consequences they bleed.
But let us not forget the good that came from this love,
The passion and the powerful words that would follow,
Perhaps that is what this love is,
Good and bad and dirty and clean in ways we cannot begin to understand,
But perhaps we will never know, for love has no definition, and these words will fall
from another pair of lips, onto another innocent heart.