to know that it means to love without you…

I had to learn the hard way what it meant to love without you,

believe me, it sucked.

It was raw and painful and it attacked everything I was so ready to cling to in the absence of you,
Made my reality without you all the more vulnerable and full of hurt.
Because letting you go was admitting you never wanting to stay,

And I know you wanted to,
This meant something to you,

It had to,

Right…please tell me it did,

Fuck, I can’t handle it if it didn’t.

How does someone do that?

Pour their heart out and then act like it never happened…
or maybe I was deluded into thinking your heart had any part to play,
But…I can’t help but to wish I never knew the answer

It shattered me,

Torn me into tiny pieces for the next soul who would try to paint love onto the cracks embedded in my heart,

I wish you hadn’t been the one to teach me what it meant to love,
Because then at least my heart would have had a fighting chance,

But now, she’s a mess, torn to the seams and left to catch the wind,
In hopes it would take her far, far away from the love she knew and into the arms of an evil she could fight,
That way she could mend, hardened and earn that bitterness,
To ever feel again.