all in a word

Isn’t it funny how a small group of text,
Random letters put in seemingly random order,
Can make you feel so, so much?
It can make you sad,
Tears lingering, or bursting through,
Those from anger are the worst,
They fall freely despite your attempts to hold them back,
And the words that entice them are bittersweet, dry and hollow on your
tongue,
Falling short of the very meanings that burned the back of your throat,
But, these texts, theses seemingly foreign letters,
They come together and form beautiful words,
Love, peace, beauty,
And then, in the same sentence,
Hate, anger, disgust,
They call to you,
Not the words, but the feelings they evoke,
And you’re left to decide how to react,
That’s the tricky part,
The feelings of the words,
Because, sticks and stones my friends,
But words; are the wound you never feel until it’s too late.

pendulum

I had a dream,
We were on a swing, and we kept swinging and swinging,
Higher and higher, it was nice to feel the wind in my hair,
How everything seemed so much smaller up above.
But, as everything does, we grew tired of rocking back and forth,
Of pushing and kicking our legs only to stay exactly the same.
So I tried to put us to a halt,
I kicked my legs straight, I pushed my heels into the ground,
But no matter what I did, we never stopped,
We kept going at the same pace, the same speed,
And the distance from the ground began daunting and scary,
Suspense tried to lift me out of my seat, and it did,
Until gravity tied be back in place, thrusting me towards the ground once again,
Though we still continued up, still swinging back and forth,
The swing kept up at the same speed, the same distances,
And I couldn’t wake up….

Beautifully Bruised

You beautiful broken thing,
Nothing in life remains unscarred,
Proof of existence, proof of life,
You are beautiful, broken, bent and berated,
You’ve fallen down so many times its amazing your feet still hold you up.
That’s the beauty of it all,
As broken and hurt, mangled and torn,
You rise,
Again and again and again,
Until the day comes when you fall,
And you realize it’s only a few inches from where you were standing,
Rise again and again,
You stand taller, rise from your falls,
Because you are a beautiful broken thing.

Shattered Echo

I had always been attracted to the dark side of life,
But this attraction turned to be deadlier then I anticipated,
And I’m left with the terrors of your memory,
The ways you shattered me and attempted to glue me back together,
Your toxins clinging and seeping through my barriers
Hollowing out my defenses, ruining the best parts of me.
I’m still scrubbing the remains of you off me.
You and I go back and forth, always out doing the other.
But this time you’ve crossed into unfamiliar waters,
Leaving me to drown in the aftermath of your storm.
But your touch has left me in a state of disrepair,
My confidence crumbing faster than the dry wall beside my head.

So take your hands off me, get away from me,
And pray the scars won’t leave a lasting effect,
But it’s so easy you to forget your place,
To fall back into harmful habits, my skin carries the remains of you,
The bruises last longer when everyone is around to question them.
And they fade slow, tortuously slow,
As to remind me of the lasting damage you cause
So my body rebels at the sound of a closing door, an angry voice in the crowds, the discoloration you left along my skin,
I see it when I close my eyes, the darker parts of my skin throbbing with hurt and pain,
I stroke those broken galaxies you left along my skin, though they’ve long faded by now,
Yet, I still feel I can see them in the wrong lighting, in the wrong time, wrong place,
Just like the excuses you used to give.
But I won’t let this shattered echo of you define me for long,
And soon you’ll be just another face in the crowd, a faded part of my colorful past
Just another memory to reflect back on I suppose, just like old lovers do.

make me feel

I hate the way you make me feel,
Thought and feeling that have no business in this heart of mine,
For she is long since rejected your types,
The ones who seem to want make a lastingly impression
But have no intention of staying.

I hate the way you make me feel,
Tongue tied and butterflies,
Who are you to give me such unwanted temptation?
Desires and feelings that I wish I never felt when it came to you,
When there’s no intention of acting on them, what good are these thoughts to me?

I hate the way you make me feel,
Helpless without seeing you, knowing what’s going in your head,
Thinking of you when you’ve wandered too far from me,
Knowing that I will never be the same since meeting you,
And that terrifies me more than you’ll ever hear me admit.

I hate the way you make me feel,
Scared, so terrified that I can’t remember to breath because every emotion comes rush into my lungs with each new breath of you.
How helpless it is to cling to these thoughts and feelings that came out of nowhere
I hate the way you make me feel, but I’ve grown so used to it, crave it as much as my next breath, I just can’t seem to stop.

This Gift of Blood & Beauty

It is a gift of beauty and blood, though I’ve no name for it.
It is a feeling too weak to be branded as love,
Yet, too intense to be a simple infatuation in my mind.
So I settle for feeling you, in every form you come.
Is it possible to be intoxicated on a feeling?

As sunsets fade into sunrises, my eyes roll to the back of my head
My control gone, my heart wild, but I’m too high to come back down now.
You lips sing notes onto my skin, and I struggle to hit the notes with raspy moans.
When the song comes to an end,  the notes are too high, you watch me fall apart,
Under a flame that burns others from my thoughts,
And spreads like wildfire across my chest.

So when the magic fades and the stars dim from behind my eyes,
There are so many things I want to tell you, but my lips have sealed themselves shut.
So I let my body speak my mind, and pray you understand the secrets she sighs out.
I’ve known the flavor of your brand liquor,
Enough to chase, enough to gasp,
As your kiss burns what’s left of the air in my lungs,
Another has never left me speechless until you.
I want you to know I whisper you name alone,
As you tongue unfolds riddles from my skin.

So I let you whisper dirty things into my ear,
And I’ll let my imagination take me to a place of sweet nothing.
Perhaps a feeling is the best it will ever be
Just this moment of ecstasy between two bodies, two souls.
But know there is no need to question my intentions,
And do not let my mind speak for my heart
Because the two can only seem to agree on one thing;
That this gift of beauty and blood has no name but yours.

A Wine too Bitter

You’ll find me waiting in the shadows of the hotel bar,
Reminiscing memories that haven’t left my mind,
Burned with the ashes of what remains of the love I held for you.
You look like the promise of a ‘what if’ and the anxiousness of an unknown tomorrow,
Like the ember that lite when you first touched me.
You look as beautiful as the day I told you I loved you,
But we are far from the children we used to be and our eyes have lost their innocence.
So we talk like old friends, never straying far from reality.
And I wish you would whisper to me and kiss my lips,
If only to know I still held a false sense of power over your heart.
And it’s nice to believe we will never get older,
But life has a funny way of reminding us that we are far from immortal,
Gracing us with broken hearts and scars from those lovely memories,
Leaving us to reform the pieces into an already faded puzzle.

I know it breaks your heart to know I’ve fallen for my freedom,
Cutting ties with lost lovers and promises of a forsaken future,
No, we never had more than the nights of broken love made in your car,
And I never held onto you to find solace,
So you lash out with passionate delusions, and I answer with obvious indifference,
As I sip a wine too bitter on my tongue, I listen to our lies and embellishments.
Silently laughing at how unsophisticated we’ve become.
Our lips tinted with those promises of what ifs and anxious secrets.

So baby, it was nice to see you after so many years,
But life awaits us outside the doors of our enclosed booth,
And I hope the best for you and your new life,
(Though I think the wine had more influence over my words than my heart,)
I kiss your cheek as we prepare to leave each other once more.
Filled with a newfound sense of comfort,
I wonder into the street with a smile,
Never once glancing behind me to see your lingering eyes

Histoire D’amour

Baby give me everything, I need to feel nothing but your hands on me,
Call my needy, call me desperate; I can’t bring myself to care,
All I know is that I can’t seem to get enough of you.
Stay here a while longer, and I’ll ease you into this temptation,
Though finally grasping it makes the game all the more sinful.
You should know me better than that by now,
Any opening you give, any chance that I can move in on, I’m gonna take,
I’d rather desperately want you than not have you at all,
And that is our biggest downfall.
So let’s cling to each other and laugh and play as we tumble down into these sheets.

My face is hot from feelings that are no longer mine to hold,
The air coming from my lungs is as heavy as the weight of you,
And I struggle to catch my breath, but,
Your hips pressed against my back have left me breathless,
And all I gasp is the choked sound of pleasure and your name.
There is something so wicked about wanting what you can’t have,
And our flirtation is the biggest temptation of all,
Longing for the affection of the one you shouldn’t covet
But my heart is no better, wicked and unforgiving, cruel in her taboo games.
Waking up in your bed, I know I shouldn’t expect anything more,
But you always seem to surprise me, showering me with affection that is not mine,
The trailing kisses down my spine that always seems to take away the chill.

I’ve never been so comfortable with another soul as I am with yours,
And that scares the hell outta me.
So I need this lust to distract me from insights and damnation of my own making,
Because this love will never be mine to obtain, and these thoughts are only felt in the
darkest parts of my heart,
Where they will stay locked and hidden, it never needs to grace itself with thoughts
known. But feeling your skin on mine, your lips tracing my hips and thighs,
Make me forget that I can’t be yours,
Make me forget that it’s his name I should call, not yours, in the middle of our love affair.
I wish I could change the plot to this romantic tragedy,
I know this will only end in heartbreak, just as any other love affair should.
But dear god, the way you make me moan, the feeling of your hands roaming my body,
it’s something that this feeble heart won’t soon forget,
Along with these feelings that aren’t mine to hold, aren’t mine to crave

The Silence in a Crowd

Vainly I sat myself upon a glass throne; only to be mutilated by it’s hidden shards.
What a heavy burden to be digging into my head
Dripping down from the crown, clouding my eyes with blood,
Fractured remains of myself gaze hauntingly back; unaware of the damage they’ve suffered, endured. At my own hands, at yours, who could have known?
The blood pools around my feet, fallen from my eyes, my heart,
Clinging to a downfall only pride can up hold.
This bleeding heart can only take so much ‘til it can’t pump enough sense to my brain, and self-preservation is a trait I wish I didn’t excel in.
So the only way I could escape, became my prison cell,
Breaking over and over again as I sit unaware,
Its mirror surface reflecting only what I willed.

Is this what bliss feels like?
Knowing all the bad to come, the wrongs and how ugly it will become,
But shielding myself from it through lies and unearned privileges,
Knowing that no matter how I wish, the struggle is never mine to claim?
But this bleeding heart can only sustain life for one,
I wish I could save you; but I must save myself first,
And while my glass prism is so lovely from the inside,
I know the outside is covered with dirt and shame and betrayal from those I have yet to cross paths with.
So help me off my throne, take this crown of my head,
Let me clear my sense of self before I wash myself of these sins
Help me understand why this glass throne is not worth the kingdom it reigns over,
And for you, I will give you what is left of a heart that is fighting to survive,
Fighting to maintain these fractured pieces and assemble them as a whole,
With enough sense to carry these thoughts from thought to speech,
And who lips you would be proud to kiss in space of a cheering crowd.

For a Moment

We signed our cards with love and kissy faces,
Been through hell and back, braving the darkest of places,
And you got down on your knee, if only for a moment.
Our love produced something beautiful and pure,
And I sat in the bathroom with the fifth test, just to make sure,
I was so scared and anxious, if only for a moment.
Showered with gifts and cards,
Signed with love and best regards,
Everything was perfect, if only for a moment.

The pain in my stomach increases, though everyone said I was okay,
“Never trust the doctors,” my father would say,
I watched the crimson trail fall down my leg, if only for a moment.
Fifteen hours of labor, I hear everyone’s cries and gasps, expect for one
I imagined this moment with smiles and laughter, but there are none,
The silence was deafening, if only for a moment.
They wrap him in blue, as if nothing is wrong,
“You need to hold your son”, “Be strong”.
All I see is his face, though only for a moment,
And he was beautiful, if only for a moment.