one by one

Fall in line,
Watch us fall in sync and right back out,
You should see your face,One by one,
The way it opens up to t
e unexpected and anticipated,
One by one,
I watch the faces fall,
In line, out of sync,
But all with the same expression,
Put your cigarette out on me slowly,
Let the burn settle before you pretend to realize what you’ve done.
I’ll watch and wait,
Knowing you let everyone see the evidence,And watching your face fall in disbelief when I spit in it,
Right back at you;
I breathe that second hand smoke in,
Only to blow it into your eyes,
And laughing when they water,
But that isn’t me,
No matter how I try to make it be,
Too intoxicated to aim it,
I’ll settle for the blurred vision,
And sloppy apology kisses,
Waiting until it doesn’t make sense,
And for you to fall in my line,
One by one,
Face after face.

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3:42

I always think of you when the clock flashes 3:42,
I can’t exactly put my thoughts on why,
Can’t think of a fond memory attached to the sentiment,
But I know it’s there,
Waiting to be known,
Every time I look up and its 3:42.

I wish there was more,
To 3:42 other than a faded memory,
Maybe,
That deep connection or intense passion,
That thing that would explain why,
Why I think of you this way,
And no, it’s not everyday,
I don’t watch the clock,
Counting the second until it reaches you,
But,
If I happen to catch a glimpse,
You’re the first and last thought I have in that minute.
Every time I look up at see 3:42.

those little demons

The words halt at the tip,
Lingering on the roof of my mouth,
Drip and dry, I lick my lips, peeling away the skin bit by bit,
I want to say them
Need to,
But…
I can’t
No when I know I can never take them back,
Call it growth, call it maturity but,
Careful what you praise,
Because I hate that they still come into my mind,
My little demons, making themselves known it the best way they know,
Always in my corner,
Never in the ways I think,
Pushing, reckless and unheeded,
And yet, they never force,
Because I bring the chaos all on my own,
Licking my lips,
I know I shouldn’t
But…
“We need to talk…”

take the pill

They say love is patient,
Love is kind, the end all be all cure,
Love helps you grow and exposes you to the better side of life,
Offering more and more,
They say,
But…
They don’t tell you that there is always bad to balance the good,
Love is not this magical failsafe,
End to the horrible things we endure,
That reality is simply that.

There are times when love is soft,
Too soft,
And it crumbles under the pressure of nearly everything,
Love can be cruel,
Taking from you the things you weren’t ready to give,
Things you’ll never be able to reclaim,
Love exposes you, in all ways and sometimes that hurts,
Opens you to harsh truths and words that can never be unheard,

But
It’s the thing we kill for, die for, even just a little taste of the pure drug,
So, its what you make of this,
This mysterious thing called love,
Swallowing the pill again, again and again,
And pray you can keep it down this time.

Soundless picture

It replays over and over ,

Your smile, your laugh, the way your lips tilt and you roll your eyes.

The way we laughed, that time we sat on the steps, not caring what the world was telling us now.

Like a movie on replay in my mind, it’s the same images flashing again and again and again,

I couldn’t stop thinking them if I want to ,

And I can’t

Because it’s all I have left of you.

These soundless pictures that replay in my head.

Fading just slightly everyday, because that’s what happens when you grip them too tightly, hoping they would never leave you , but knowing time moves forward regardless of the memories in my head.

So I play them as much and often as I can while I can.

Everyday.

Chaotic you

Is it enough?

The pull and push, the game of tug a war,

Relentlessly pulling and shoving and reaching for something you can’t even see anymore…

The excuses and the justifications that fell apart under scrutiny.

The endless sleepless nights, the tear stains appearing everywhere you didn’t want them to.

Your walls are still there. Cracked and the decor slipping and peeling away to reveal what you’re not ready To see.

Over and over you do this, each time stronger than the next

But,

Is it enough?

lie to me

There are the lies you tell to make yourself feel better,
The ones that don’t hurt anyone,
That makes you laugh at life instead of cry.

There are the lies you tell to avoid the truth,
It’s not something you can face,
And the poison that spills from your mouth sounds better than it tastes,

And then,
Then there are the lies you tell so well you begin to think they are the truth.
(And most days you lie and tell yourself they are
Who’s gonna tell you otherwise?)

These are the lies that are most dangerous,
I tell them and listen as you repeat them back,
And that taste is back in my mouth, bitter, but swallowing gets easier each time,
Lies, the fabric of our reality,
Mine and yours,
And I’m not sure I’m ready to change that.