Missing a You I Never Knew

You and I met too soon in this life to be anything but distant tale,
Lost among the battles and trials of a forgotten war.
Our story had been recorded times and times before,
Each ending slightly different and each battle fought for different reasons,
But every outcome was that of a love lost, heart broken, a better half vanished.

I miss the way we used to talk,
Hours and hours of meaningless conversation,
Unburdened by the feelings and chaos of a worrisome heart.
I miss the way you would talk to only me,
About things that never seemed important but were so much more,
When we were blinded by our innocence and a fascination of this rediscovered feeling.
I miss the smile that only I would see, missing you, who I would never know.
I miss the easy comfort I found in your presence,
Never worrying for too long about thing I couldn’t control, and I miss
The gestures and feelings I only entertained for you.

We had conquered this empire once before, maybe in another life,
But the times have changed and the battles have grown deadlier.
And for all our skills and armor and tactics,
We fell victim yet again to the surprises of guerilla warfare.
Our kings have been moved far too many times along this chess board,
Our chiefs could not have seen this coming, nor could our best warriors,
So all we have left are the fallen that refused to succumb to the battlefield,
And the few lucky that escaped deaths scythe.
But still, we continue to fight against a foe that will never give,
And both sides have grown ragged and tired from a constant front.

I miss the feelings we once shared,
The little things that faded until they were all but gone,
Have we gotten what we deserved? The rejection of a bond neglected for so long?
My heart wishes there could be more than what the map has laid out for us,
But the terrain is unpredictable and rough, fingers linked, but barely clasped,
So only skilled warriors chance everything to cross it,
But by the time they battle their way through, it has changed once again,
Leaving behind the brave souls that dared to take a chance.

My Timeless Memory

If tonight it all we have left, drink one more bottle of wine with me,
And lets dance under the light of a star filled sky,
With the moon following in our footsteps, pulled by gravity,
Holding each other for whatever we are worth at that moment.
As our hearts flutter in sync, in time, with the music of the night,
Let us not dwell on the sorrow of goodbyes and last impressions.
Forever seems so far away when you’re in my arms,
So lets stop the clock and hold our promises to the hour’s hand,
As it stalls a minute past eternity, lingering on the 12 o’clock hour.

I’ve only got a second until you fade in front of me,
And our timing had never been in sync with our hearts desires,
But we made the best of a fucked up game of chance,
Coming out with so much more than we could have hoped.
By now, time is wondering what we have stolen from it,
(Because time is only important when it’s running out)
And she is vengeful thing, holding onto dying wishes and stolen breaths.
So goodbye to you, my timeless memory,
A lover, a friend, an enemy torn from the depths of my heart,
This is our final song; know that we made the best of it, and
Maybe one day we can dance on the moon without the fear of gravity pulling us apart.

Oh, Well

There was a legend about the well in the garden,
Where the vines have grown past their heights,
And the flowers bloom all year round.
But this tale has not to do with nature,
But rather the tragedies that becomes it and its creations,

A fated pair of lovers would meet by this well for as long as could be remember,
It was said to bring luck and love to those who drank from the depths.
So years past, and the lovers could not seem to contain any happiness,
Greedy and eager, making more enemies than friends; too in love with themselves,
Until they fell down the brick hole, swallowed by the depth they once drank from.

A pair of sibling once drank from this well,
Their bond pushing them past the leaves and into the skies,
Yet their feet never seemed to leave the rocks and gravel below,
Until one brother climbed up over his other,
To mesmerized by the stars to watch as his other feel into the darken waters below.

I could tell you about the countless persons to drink from the waters of this well,
But none could tell you their downfall, eyes centered at the bottom of a ripple.
So I sit on top the well, fingers grazing the waters dripping from the bucket,
How could people be captured by the well and its serenity, and,
Not see the poison lingering from the vines and their deadly hold?

seeds of temptation

I entertain the thought of you,
And I feel like that makes me a bad person,
You shouldn’t be the one that makes me flutter,
And honestly, you have no hold over me,
But, maybe, it’s your idea, what you could mean,
Well, the idea of you that has me daydreaming,
Thinking of things differently, if you were the center of my focus,

But, I know that’s not right,
Not the one my heart bleeds for, sings for,
But my head, my thoughts drift towards you even when I don’t want them to,
And that makes me concerned,

Does that make me human, or a horrible person,
Or is it something we can’t even address,
A feeling with no name,
But so commonly felt,
That we all know the thing we think about as I write these words,
Humans with a taste for the temptation,
Now where have I heard that one before…?

if my ceiling could talk…

I wonder what my ceiling would say if she could talk?
She’s see so much of me,
So much of my intimacies,
Between myself, and those I let crawl into the sheets she gazed on.
The moments that made me wonder,
The sleepless nights she let me stare at her,
Unnerving and solemn.

Lines I created and burned,
Ones no one dared to cross,
Ones the wrong people burned through,
And the she saw the ruins it left me in.

What would she say to me, if she could,
Would she hug me,
Soothe me and wipe the tears as they fell?
Or would she shake her head and chastise me,
Mock me for allowing these things to happen without her guidance,
Or would she remain silent.
Letting me talk and scream and cry,
And simply be the pillar I know her as.

What would she say?
The ceiling I stare up at every night,
And tell me most intimate secrets to.
What would you say?

in chaos (theory)

Some days I wonder,
What’s the point,

Why fight, why yell insults back and forth,
Does it even matter any longer?
We’ve both felt this way for a long timeGoing back and forth on the promises we held dear so long ago,

I feel as though they don’t hold the same flame to our dying candle,
The devil I was drawn to,
The bad boy I feel in lust with,
A monster I could never learn to love,
Because he didn’t understand my definitions of love,
Or how they differed from his,

Give up,
This is all we can be, are meant to be,
Stop calling out to me in your desperation,
Because I can’t satisfy your cravings,
They’re too dark, too horrifying to express,
And I can’t be beholden to them anymore.
Some days I truly wonder,
Where did we think we were going,
Amongst the chaos and destruction…

Did we think we’d make it out alive?
Or unchanged,
Because we should have known better,
We always did,
Or at least used to…

Alice and Little Red

I wonder if Alice and little red knew each other,
Would they have been friends?
Fascinated by the stories each told,
The lure of danger and the attract of insanity,
The big bad wolf,
Lingering in the woods, ready to pounce at the sight of innocent little red,
Or maybe it’s the allure of that haze
Maybe of a dream or two,
Where each new dream brings a whole new fantasy,
High of the smoke and
And whatever is laced in the tea that keeps appearing in your cup,

I wonder if Alice and Little Red would laugh at stories they told,
How each couldn’t make sense of the others fantasies,
So they imagined a greater story outside themselves,
The true heroes in a tale they couldn’t see the bigger picture,
Or…

Would their tales take a turn,
Horror laced with lust,
Nothing more exciting than the taboo, than wanting what you could never have…
Temptation knows both Alice and little red,
Very, very well in fact,
Have you heard what happens when you get lost in the woods, while the moon is high?
Or the allure of chaos in a cup? Of a land filed with the danger of wonder?
I wonder if they would have been friends…
Alice and Little red….

i sway

I sway,

Singing the melody and lyrics out of tune,
But they speak to me,

And I can’t stop myself from feeling the moment,
The words caress me,
Trapping me in a time that reminds me too much of what I had,
What I lost,
What I wished I had still,

And there you are,
Lingering in the light,
So I can never see your face,
Hidden in the shadow of you,

I sway,

No longer seeing anything,
My blurred eyes and staggering moves leave many wondering,
I move, and hold you close,
In my thoughts,
Because I can never touch you for long,

Until the shadows swallow you and I’m left dancing with myself.

and snap…

How much can it be bent until it snaps?
The questions lingers,
Salty on my tongue,
Hesitation written on my face,

But the words are bursting from my lips before I can stop them.
I wish I didn’t jump,
Didn’t default to these feelings of doubt and insecurity,
But, some days I wonder if that’s all I’m made of,

If some days they’re easier to ignore,
And others they scream at me until I feed their negativity,
Twist, pull, scratch and crane over nothing,
How much can I bend until I snap?

those damn bad habits

Falling back into the same habits,
They remind me of you,
For better or worse,
Making those bad choices that bring me closer to you,
I miss you,
I’m lonely and I want you here,
Falling back into you is everything I wish to do,
I’m drunk; maybe I’m not spelling this out right,
Forget her; let me remind you of us,
And all the choices we used to make together,
For better or worse,
We always laughed as we fell,
Covered in bruises, my hands are scared from reaching for you,
Lost in your eyes,
I forget this isn’t where I’m meant to be,
Those damn habits.
They remind me of us,
Good, bad, and for better and worse,
Am I the only one who remembers those times…?