glass of chaos

The glass is too close,
Top it off, and it hangs off the edge,
What have you done to me?
I never used to cling to the bottle,
There was never a comfort in the liquid that burned my throat,
But when you crashed into me,
That changed,
Everything about you was chaos,
Beautiful and abrupt and wild and in love,
But you weren’t a constant,
Not yet anyway,
So I needed to find something, anything, to cling to in the chaos of you,
And the bottle, the glass of whatever I poured at the time,
That was it; it was there, helping me relax,
Helping me come to terms with my new reality of you,
And I’m not saying it was the best choice I’ve made,
But it was a natural one,
And that should scare me,
But… I can’t bring myself to be afraid,
Not of the poison that carries me through,
But that it keeps me immune from your chaos,
(until you become too much and I drink and drink and throw it all away
only to open another bottle as the sun fades in the sky and the stars call for me)
So top me off, I’ve grown used the edge by now,
And lets see how long I can hang off the edge until chaos explodes.

This Gift of Blood & Beauty

It is a gift of beauty and blood, though I’ve no name for it.
It is a feeling too weak to be branded as love,
Yet, too intense to be a simple infatuation in my mind.
So I settle for feeling you, in every form you come.
Is it possible to be intoxicated on a feeling?

As sunsets fade into sunrises, my eyes roll to the back of my head
My control gone, my heart wild, but I’m too high to come back down now.
You lips sing notes onto my skin, and I struggle to hit the notes with raspy moans.
When the song comes to an end,  the notes are too high, you watch me fall apart,
Under a flame that burns others from my thoughts,
And spreads like wildfire across my chest.

So when the magic fades and the stars dim from behind my eyes,
There are so many things I want to tell you, but my lips have sealed themselves shut.
So I let my body speak my mind, and pray you understand the secrets she sighs out.
I’ve known the flavor of your brand liquor,
Enough to chase, enough to gasp,
As your kiss burns what’s left of the air in my lungs,
Another has never left me speechless until you.
I want you to know I whisper you name alone,
As you tongue unfolds riddles from my skin.

So I let you whisper dirty things into my ear,
And I’ll let my imagination take me to a place of sweet nothing.
Perhaps a feeling is the best it will ever be
Just this moment of ecstasy between two bodies, two souls.
But know there is no need to question my intentions,
And do not let my mind speak for my heart
Because the two can only seem to agree on one thing;
That this gift of beauty and blood has no name but yours.

Histoire D’amour

Baby give me everything, I need to feel nothing but your hands on me,
Call my needy, call me desperate; I can’t bring myself to care,
All I know is that I can’t seem to get enough of you.
Stay here a while longer, and I’ll ease you into this temptation,
Though finally grasping it makes the game all the more sinful.
You should know me better than that by now,
Any opening you give, any chance that I can move in on, I’m gonna take,
I’d rather desperately want you than not have you at all,
And that is our biggest downfall.
So let’s cling to each other and laugh and play as we tumble down into these sheets.

My face is hot from feelings that are no longer mine to hold,
The air coming from my lungs is as heavy as the weight of you,
And I struggle to catch my breath, but,
Your hips pressed against my back have left me breathless,
And all I gasp is the choked sound of pleasure and your name.
There is something so wicked about wanting what you can’t have,
And our flirtation is the biggest temptation of all,
Longing for the affection of the one you shouldn’t covet
But my heart is no better, wicked and unforgiving, cruel in her taboo games.
Waking up in your bed, I know I shouldn’t expect anything more,
But you always seem to surprise me, showering me with affection that is not mine,
The trailing kisses down my spine that always seems to take away the chill.

I’ve never been so comfortable with another soul as I am with yours,
And that scares the hell outta me.
So I need this lust to distract me from insights and damnation of my own making,
Because this love will never be mine to obtain, and these thoughts are only felt in the
darkest parts of my heart,
Where they will stay locked and hidden, it never needs to grace itself with thoughts
known. But feeling your skin on mine, your lips tracing my hips and thighs,
Make me forget that I can’t be yours,
Make me forget that it’s his name I should call, not yours, in the middle of our love affair.
I wish I could change the plot to this romantic tragedy,
I know this will only end in heartbreak, just as any other love affair should.
But dear god, the way you make me moan, the feeling of your hands roaming my body,
it’s something that this feeble heart won’t soon forget,
Along with these feelings that aren’t mine to hold, aren’t mine to crave

The Silence in a Crowd

Vainly I sat myself upon a glass throne; only to be mutilated by it’s hidden shards.
What a heavy burden to be digging into my head
Dripping down from the crown, clouding my eyes with blood,
Fractured remains of myself gaze hauntingly back; unaware of the damage they’ve suffered, endured.
At my own hands, at yours, who could have known?
The blood pools around my feet, fallen from my eyes, my heart,
Clinging to a downfall only pride can up hold.
This bleeding heart can only take so much ‘til it can’t pump enough sense to my brain, and self-preservation is a trait I wish I didn’t excel in.
So the only way I could escape, became my prison cell,
Breaking over and over again as I sit unaware,
Its mirror surface reflecting only what I willed.

Is this what bliss feels like?
Knowing all the bad to come, the wrongs and how ugly it will become,
But shielding myself from it through lies and unearned privileges,
Knowing that no matter how I wish, the struggle is never mine to claim?
But this bleeding heart can only sustain life for one,
I wish I could save you; but I must save myself first,
And while my glass prism is so lovely from the inside,
I know the outside is covered with dirt and shame and betrayal from those I have yet to cross paths with.
So help me off my throne, take this crown of my head,
Let me clear my sense of self before I wash myself of these sins
Help me understand why this glass throne is not worth the kingdom it reigns over,
And for you, I will give you what is left of a heart that is fighting to survive,
Fighting to maintain these fractured pieces and assemble them as a whole,
With enough sense to carry these thoughts from thought to speech,
And who lips you would be proud to kiss in space of a cheering crowd.

sugar coated

Screw you,
And this attempt at making nice,
I’m sick of the sugar-coated words,
It sticks to my tongue,
Burns the roof of my mouth,
And what comes out is acid and fire,
Ready to fight whatever comes my way,
Because this isn’t what we made it to be,
Not what we intended, anyway,
And what we have left,
Well, isn’t much to speak of,
Unless we’re screaming back and forth,
That acid coating and sealing us into a cycle,
Until we have nothing left but that fire,
A fire that one could say was passion and love,
But we know it to be hate and resentment
Because it burns hotter, not warmer,
And I think, screw you, to whoever is listening,
For allowing such a corruption to take hold of both our hearts…

my skin is made of ink and bone

My skin is made of ink and bone,
Covered in ivory, laced in a poison of steel and grace,
Ready to feel and yell, to know what it means to be alive.|
Let me tell my story, as I bleed it onto the pages,
Scattered and torn but still legible to the right pair of eyes.
Let me know that it’s okay to feel things like rage and sorrow and pity,
Let my skin be torn and sown, ripped apart and mended all at the touch of another.

After everything, emotions drawn and torn from me in a silent cry
Let me rest easy in the darkness I’ve created.
No smothering, no chaos, just the thoughts I’ve tried to run from, and me.
Let me face them head on,
Give me the strength to change them and the voices that scream at me from inside.
Only then will I split and change, forming a new version better than I am now,
Buried in the ashes of the fallen monsters and shrapnel
Pray you find me among the rubble.

My skin is made of ink and bone,
Sharp and permanent, forever haunting,
Mixed with the chaos of beauty and the saving grace of Lucifer.
Let me show you what it means to be alive,
For I have felt it all within my emotions and the pages I’ve bled into.
Powerful words stolen from a hollow prayer,
Your lips lingering, kissing the scars you’ve left deep in my skin.
Know that you created a beautiful tragedy,
And she will forever be in your debt,
My skin is made of ink and bone,
Covered in ivory, laced in a poison of steel and grace,
She has been through hell and back with me, clinging to all the damage and
magnificence life has already offered.

lost magic

Feel like I’ve lost my magic,
Lost is the storm, engulfed by the thunder and rain,
Or maybe I burned it,
In the fires I seem to set when I’m mad,
When I’m sad,
When I’m…running from everything,
I feel like then magic died the night I let you take me,
One swift thrust,
Your mouth bruising mine as it swallows my cries,
And the ember dies along with my heart,
Well, maybe just pieces,
For someone without a heart couldn’t miss the love and magic she once
held,
Something so fragile and precious,
Gone in an instant,
I wasn’t ready for that, not yet,
But you took it without so much of a question,
And left me to the mundane morning,
Alone and out of touch with this new world I was thrust into

broken wicks (can’t lite)

The fires were lite, and died,
This flame has long been nothing but a pile of ashes,
Blow away with the changing winds, as the world moves on,
But, it seems you are the only one who just can’t move on,
Catching the floating pieces,
Showing them into a jar to preserve them,
As though they help you keep the wounds fresh and open,
And give you something to cling to in your path of self-indulgence and
anger,
Move on sweetheart, let go of the past,
No one is forcing you to live in it,
But, it seems something I did has gotten under your skin,
Or you wouldn’t need to reach into that jar,
So you could receive attention for another fifteen,
But no matter how much you scratch and itch,
That feeling will always be there.
Nagging and making itself known,
Because you give it the power to do so,
And you have no one to blame but yourself,
Darling, it’s funny how you still try to play the victim,
When it feels as though you are the only one who cares anymore.

that effect of you…

I don’t even feel the effect you have anymore,
So I take more, down and down,
I swallow hard, taking a shot of you,
A taste of what I need to give me that high,
Hoping I’ll feel something, anything, like the way you once gave,
What happened?
Why don’t you have that effect on me anymore?
I miss it; I need more of it,
If only because it takes all of you to make me feel anything now,
So much, too much, I’m an addict,
But even you can’t control this side of me,
Not when you’ve lost your hold on me,
Not when I look to another to make me feel the way you once did…
I wish I could be satisfied,
But I’m a greedy bitch,
Ready to swallow you whole,
If only to feel your high just for awhile….

all the things i could say

I could say all these things,
Even now,
The words burn my throat,
Dying to make their escape,
But what’s the point,
I’ve let them have far too much power over me,
And it’s taken all I am,
And I wish it hadn’t,
But there isn’t much left to be done,
I could say all these things,
But it doesn’t change the burnt ends of these matches,
Lite by the flames of distrust and hate,
I’m exhausted honestly,
Drained from it all,
I’m done.
There’s nothing left to day,
Trust me,
Exhale with me,
And let the words blow away of the passing wind…