& everything else

You had me at hello,

Lost me in the ways I fell in love with you,

And not one soul will know the moments we fell in between…


the aftermath of you

The wind won’t seem to stop ever since you left,
It blows and stirs and whines,
Creating storms and hurricanes in the wake of losing you,
And all I can do is shoulder the burden,
Waiting for the winds to grow feint,
To grow tired, drained, exhausted from the howling and weeping over you,
For a moments peace,
But they all know there will never be another like that again.
I took the storms,
I bore her thunder and took on the scariest parts,
Anything to forget the one thing they’ll never let me,
Bare my heart and soul,
Though they’ve been stripped long after and before you,
In hopes of starting fresh,
Let the eaters take this broken mess away and reclaim its pieces away from this,
But I know that will take time,
More storms and hurricanes to come,
And each time I’m left with the aftermath of you…

i liked it (the way you numbed my reality)

I was getting used to the way things could have been,
Love and loved in return
Safety in your arms and wanted,
What a feeling,
To never doubt or question the reality you live in,
But than you went and pull the rug from under me,
Left me blinded by the light that shown form you,
A false sense of love and protection,
Tied to you in the best and worst ways,
I was getting too used to the way things could have been,
And karma didn’t let me forget.

Going under and no one is there to safe me,
And I still blindly reach for your hands,
Somebody hear me,
Find me,

I liked the way you helped me escape,
But you aren’t here when my shit hit the fan,
Closed our door in favor of a convenient façade,
And I still make excuses as to why you never gave me a key to my own lock….

Don’t let my guard down,
There’s cruelty in this world,
And who better to show you than those closest to you,
With words to hurt and actions to make you bleed,
You were my redemption,
But how was I to know this redemption came with a price tag?
Too much, you were too much on my heart,
I’m going under, with no one to pull me out,
I guess I kinda liked the way you helped to numb my reality of you…

to have you

…It’s hell…
To have love, and never be able to feel it,
I see it, I know what it is,
What is portrays itself to be,
And yet, I cannot grasp it,
The concept escapes and I try and try,
I want desperately to feel,
To touch and have and hold,
Because love can’t be having you,
Yet not being able to claim you,
To have you in my arms and not be able to taste you,
That’s what hell is.

Tales of The Bent & Broken

We met again at the bottom of the ocean,
Doom and gloom,
All that romantic bullshit waiting for us in those murky waters,
Because what’s love with adversity?
Without hate and torture and beautiful endings from all that pain?
I’ll tell you,
Its life,
Not a movie with a happy ending,
Not a romantic story you pass down generation to generations,
It’s a mess.
Wrecking balls and demolition,
Catastrophes and misfortune
With moments of joy and laughter in between,
But don’t let me stop you from sinking,
We all love the fall.

We met again, at the bottom of some abyss,
Filled with death and heartbreak
But it’s only fitting for lovers like us,
Brought together by ill timing and poor judgments,
Caught in the lust and the forbidden,
Afflictions of temptation I suppose…
What is it this time?
What purpose do we serve at the bottom of this glass?
Of this dark, endless, façade…
I can’t keep meeting you here,
Life has grown far too daunting to continue this game,
And this curse of love lost its appeal that third time around long ago.

So here we are,
Not knowing where to surface,
How to break this sick go around,
But I know someone will give,
It’s only a matter of time until the last heart shatters,
Leaving pieces to jagged and scattered to scrap back together,
So meet me that last time,
And we’ll see who comes out bent, (and so close to breaking).

each time i find you

Each time I find you,
You seem further out of reach,
Crawling, begging, crying, I reach and reach,
Yet your hand always grazes just out of reach…
Endlessly searching,
It seems to be all we have left of each other,
Seems to be the only thing that ties us together,
Because we know,

We know we’ll find our way back to each other,

But at what cost,
Because each journey, each harrowing,
It takes a piece of my heart,
A section of my soul,
And I’m afraid I’ll never recover those,
And who’s to say how you’ll come out the other side?
Will you be the boy I fell in love with, jaded?
Or will you be another entirely?
Each time I found you,
Something changes,
Something shifts,
And here we go again…
Where are you hiding now?

to the ones who broke my heart

To the girl who broke my heart,
Thank you?
I wish I could say it helped me to grow,
To be a better person and all that bullshit,
But I can’t,
Because I will always remember the wrongs over the right,
The bad over the good times, even though I know you weren’t truly bad for me.
But we were both kids in love and foolishly thought we were the exception.
At least life had the good sense to prove us both wrong.

To the man who broke my body and ruined the ways I would learn to love,

Fuck you.

I wish I could leave it at that,
But my wounded pride won’t let me,
Because as much as I claim my heart was broken and love was lost,
I know my pride and ego took the worst of it,
Because if a man like you has the nerve to screw me in all these fucked up ways,
What will happen when the right one breaks my heart?

To the man who said those healing words and touched my heart,
Then took…used me for everything I had left,
I should have seen it coming.
You were too good, too perfect for me,
All the right things, every touch that sent sparks to my heart,
And blinders to my head,
I let your version of love damage me in irreplaceable ways,
And yet, I still find myself defending your twisted love when pushed into a corner,
If only to make myself not seem like such a victim.
Some days even pretending you never happened to me.

To the man that fell in love with me despite everything,
I love you so much.
In ways you don’t even know,
Because I could never tell you exactly all the ways that you make me better,
Make this love everything I want to be,, to have, for you, for me, for us…
There have been ups and downs; lowest of the lows and highs we still smile about even though so much time has passed,
And I wouldn’t change it for anything,
Because good things come to those who wait and endure life as she comes.
We both found each other when we needed it most,
And love blossomed in the most fucked and beautiful way.

So thank you,
To everyone who came before,
Because now I can say I have become who I needed to be,
Grown and learned the wrongs and rights,
And it lead me to you,
I found you and love you in all the beautiful ways there are.