tick-tock goes the clock

It’s time to deal with the things that haunt me in the present,
Try to bury them with the other demons from my past.
I’m only as strong as the things that define me,
But darling, this silence is piercing, stopping me from taking the first step.

Time has a funny way of exposing the truth to us,
Sometimes it is a steady reveal, others come crashing down at the worst times,
Because it’s the things in the moment we can handle,
We’re forced to face them head on, it’s the only thing we can do.
It’s what comes after those silent, halting seconds that terrify us,
That root us in fear, doubt and shame.
Frozen in that singular moment.
So tick-tock goes the clock,
Not caring what damage it causes, only knowing it must move forward,
With or without all the smiles of their faces.

I can never tell when I start adjusting my reality,
Can never see anything outside side of “what do I do now?”
So I sink to the ground, holding my heart, hollowed eyes shedding twin regret,
And in the aftermath I call for you,
Shout and scream and weep for a presence other than my own,
For you to come at my most desperate hour,
Only to be greeted by that defining silence.

dance around me

Dance around me,
those eyes drawing me in,
The heat growing between us,
And we have yet to lay a hand on each other,
What could this be if not love,
…or lust, or passion of whatever I need to say to get you in my arms now,

I’ll say anything, you know you have that power over me,
My arousal spiked and my thoughts focused on you,
You must have drugged me,
Intoxicated me with more than just your charm
I’ve never felt this strongly about anything,
And although your tempting,
I can’t believe my heart would be ensnared so deeply by the looks of you alone,
yet, I feel like I know your soul

And that has to mean something,
To feel you so stronger and not know you at all, God what a wonder, to know what love is
And yet, not be able to describe it….
I (hope) think this is what that is, for us,
At least, we can still find out and explore….

shine

It’s hard to see you with your past,
This person isn’t the one I loved,
Who you were with her is painful to watch,
So subdued, so submissive to malicious intent,
Only a shell,
And it only makes it harder, to know that.
Eager to fulfill everyone’s happiness but your own,
It’s sad, hard to watch,
I looked away for a long time
Blinders on when it came to you,
Until I couldn’t be blinded by you any longer,
So in need of, something, anything,
A saving grace, a prayer sent up to deaf ears,
Anything to pull to for the toxic life you settled for,
So hard now, to look back and remember how you were,
Who you were with had molded,
But now, in my hands,
Molded into the person I love,
The one who chose happiness, your own
It’s hard to look at you,
And not be blinded by how you shine.

prince charming

You wanted a Prince,
Someone to sweep you off your feet,
To pull you up from the messes you made from the hearts you’d broke,
And tell you everything will be okay,Because someone would take it from there.
You wanted someone to clean you up,
Make you a better version of yourself that you had dreamed of,
(Because you didn’t have the discipline or the strength to create her yourself)
So you wished on every shooting star,
Dug you fingers into the Earth for that one four leaved clover,
And prayed, to anyone willing to listen to the broke pleas,
Hoping you’d be given what you desperately wanted.

What was sent your way…
Wasn’t at all what you thought,

Instead you got nothing but the arrogance of a prince,
Entitlement that made your heart cringe and your lips bruise,
Tears that blinded you to everything that was so, so wrong with it,
Yet you still let it happen.
Let them into your heart, your body,
Expecting the next to heal the wounds from the last,
So surprised, dumbfounded as to how you’d come out worse than before,
(But tell ‘em, who are you kidding?)
(You knew what was best for you, fuck everything, and everyone else)
And you stand strong against the current,
The waves of endless abuse and perverse love,
Because you know this is part of it all,
Even when it doesn’t feel like it,
Love is there. Just look harder.

You wished and prayed,
Yet here you are,
Heart broken too many times to count,
And nothing to show for it,
You got princes, Kings even,
Whose head was too big for their crown,
Whose kingdom saw what you were to blind to,
And here you are,
A Queen with scars and a broken heart, rising to meet her King one last time,
Facing him head on and ready to fight for what she deserves…
Many a noble have laid their lives on the line in the battle of love,
Good luck my Queen,And may you find that thing you sought for, for so long…
After all, isn’t this what you wished for?

state of mind

You are everything I want, but nothing I’ll actually need,
So while it’s nice to want you, to crave you in ways I’ve never felt,
I know you could never be my everything.
But that’s okay; I’m learning to accept that something’s aren’t always so simple,
And yet, some things are just that. Don’t waste your thoughts on me,
For I’ve already moved onto the next adventure,
And thoughts of wanting you have flown from my head as though they were carried by the wind.

In another life, maybe we could have been more to each other,
But not here, not now, and most certainly not like this,
I’m amazed we never found each other before,
Or maybe we have, we could never know. I suppose that’s fate.

These tests of time have proven far too much for a fragile heart
So quick to latch onto feelings that were never hers,
But she is quick to learn, only tempting the fires because she can, not cause she doesn’t know better.
But that’s okay; she is always eager to learn and discover the things that make this life so tragic and beautiful.
And now she is moving on, to a destined place that only her and the wind that carries her knows,
And thoughts have you are far removed from this state of mind.

drunken love

Am I drunk in love?
Intoxicated on the essence of you and the way you make my head spin,
Or am I merely a drunken fool?
Too far gone to know when to stop, invincible in my stupor.
Whose to say there’s even a difference,
Maybe they simply bleed into each other, starting off with the best parts until the best parts aren’t enough.
Perhaps that is why drunks cling to the bottle as though it were a lifeline,
Because life is simply too plain and numb when not felt with intense feeling and wide
eyes,
Perhaps that is why the bottom of a bottle always holds more appeal then the conversation that follows a broken heart.

Have I drunk enough? Have I not even touched the surface?
How can I tell when enough is enough and I’ve have too much,
Because from where I’m sitting, the liquor burns just the same going down as it does out.
Love is such a fickle thing, beautiful and tragic and always craving more than a soul should allow,
Always wanting what it shouldn’t desire, because what’s better than a taboo romance trapped in the longing of a heart that thrives on the attention of the one that will never be theirs.
What is it about the forbidden fruit that has us climbing trees and jumping off its branches?
What could possibly be in those seeds that have us tipsy on the thought alone?
Perhaps it is one of the mysterious working of the heart and her twisted games.
Yet, this addictive taste is what keeps me coming to play the game night after night,
Idealistically hoping the rules to the game will change overnight,
And I would be able to win the game of hearts among cheats and spades.

a new year (but same old me)

New year, new me—And this year I mean it,
No longer will I be waiting for you to come knocking on my bedroom door,
I won’t accept visitors after the darkest hour. (That was not in me resolution).
Yet, as the months go by, my body craves what I will not feed it,
And I find myself at your doorstep, just as the ball begins to descend,
New year, finally, for it has been far too long without you in my blood stream.

New year new me I say, yet it is so hard to change the habit of you,
I can never seem to break. For you have been with me so long,
I wouldn’t know how to celebrate without your presence,
Or the comfort it brings to my reckless heart.
New year, I want to be a new me, but I’d be so lost without you,
My head hurts to dwell on it for to long.
So I drink to you and your selfish ways,
Hoping your new year, new me won’t swallow my alive.

I’ve been working on the things that are wrong and right this New Year,
But my pride won’t let me admit my defeat (She is the number one vice),
So this New Year, new me plea is simple, and quick.
I need you in the way the sun never fails to raise a new year,
In a way that the moon dies a little each sunrise for 365 days,
So New Year, but same me, because there can never be a me without you, can there?
I’ll ring it the New Year the best way I know how,
With me, myself, and I, writing my most intimate thoughts for the world to see.
And when you come to collect the debt I owe, I will be ready with arms open wide,
To receive the twisted love meant only for my bad habit and me.

The Story We Could Have Been

They love to talk about us; the story we could have been
But I know that our romance is better left in the pages of an untold story,
So watch this fairytale collapse in itself and lets get whisked away on a happily never after.
It’s safer that this infatuation remains in my head,
For anything to spill over would be, well,
Let’s go back to the start of it all and try to remember how we got here,
Because I’m tried of talking about the speculation and could- be’s,
That fairytale that never was…

I miss when we didn’t care what others thought,
When life and time were the only obstacles we cared to face together,
But know our heads are lost in the clouds;
Our tongues tied in the lies we tell each other,
Our heart could never know how much they mean to the other,Old flames seem to die so slowly,
There embers burning through the long, lonely nights,
Eager to warm a cold bed; an even colder heart.
But I’ve had my fair share of those lust filled nights
When old flames burn too brightly to last anything more than that night,
So lets meet under the moon, when our eyes have blocked out reality,
And try to remember a time when we could have been more than this.

A Feminine Divine

The lips I kiss are softer than anticipate,
Full and red, with a hint of your brand of liquor,
Intoxicated on one taste alone,
Is it possible for me to take more then mouthful?
The hands that grace my body are too gentle for me to feel,
Darling, I promise I won’t shatter; I am no longer made of glass.
So take your hands and move them down my hips,
I want to see your love in the morning, fashioned in red and black and blue.

Your eyes are so soft as they trail down my neck and to my heart,
I feel the flush rise and the breath I take is shaker than I care to admit,
But I will myself to let you explore and taste what is yours,
They say there is never a love more passionate or dangerous,
Then when the spark is lite between the uncharted.

Tomorrow, I’ll wake up with my head on your breast,
And you will disappear into the day, though your feminine mystique will remain,
There is no gentler touch then that of a new lover,
So I will let you come to me when you feel the need,
Fall to your feet as we tangle the sheets on the floor.
When the light fades and the moon comes into view,
We will fill the night with sharp moans and cries of pleasure,
Singing a song as old as the stars that light up our sky.

 

 

*Painting called Kiss Me Kate by Steve K*

Hurricane

He was the storm that rocked the ship I happened to be passing by on,
And the waves took me under in one breath.
I fought the currents, too afraid to be pulled under,
But he held tight, caressing my hair as I sank further into the waters.
So when the light hit my eyes, and I spit out the sand,
The view from the shores shocked me.
No longer did I see the mess inside the storm,
But rather I felt the calm waters gently lapping against my feet:
As florescent clouds float among a never-ending horizon.
So distracted by them I saw not the remains of the ship I once sought passage on.
Its broken sail and shattered boards bobbing along the shore.

The beaches are beautiful, white and surreal,
So when he finds me on the shores, I am as sun kissed as he needs.
He said to find peace upon the newly formed beach,
For what I had once thought paradise was no longer safe,
And the love I felt for him was no longer real, the shores not what they seemed.
So I broke the branches down and built a raft,
To sail away from the pretense of a dream I drifted to.
Try as I might, the currents won’t let me leave,
Like sharks circling blood that had risen from the depths.
The boat rocks unsteadily in the coming waves.

He was pure and corrupt; his sins outshines my faith,
But he’s the only prayer I’ve got on this boat wadding in the sea.
So I’ll pray to a God that knows my fears and hopes,
Hoping they will reach him from island I’ve succumb to,
Where my dreams and hallucinations have taken form-
To remind me of the rough waves ahead.
So just when the reality of the situation settles,
I wake to the swaying of a beaten ship and a broken window
To a storm beginning to brew, trapped in a never-ending horizon.