glass of chaos

The glass is too close,
Top it off, and it hangs off the edge,
What have you done to me?
I never used to cling to the bottle,
There was never a comfort in the liquid that burned my throat,
But when you crashed into me,
That changed,
Everything about you was chaos,
Beautiful and abrupt and wild and in love,
But you weren’t a constant,
Not yet anyway,
So I needed to find something, anything, to cling to in the chaos of you,
And the bottle, the glass of whatever I poured at the time,
That was it; it was there, helping me relax,
Helping me come to terms with my new reality of you,
And I’m not saying it was the best choice I’ve made,
But it was a natural one,
And that should scare me,
But… I can’t bring myself to be afraid,
Not of the poison that carries me through,
But that it keeps me immune from your chaos,
(until you become too much and I drink and drink and throw it all away
only to open another bottle as the sun fades in the sky and the stars call for me)
So top me off, I’ve grown used the edge by now,
And lets see how long I can hang off the edge until chaos explodes.

Beautifully Bruised

You beautiful broken thing,
Nothing in life remains unscarred,
Proof of existence, proof of life,
You are beautiful, broken, bent and berated,
You’ve fallen down so many times its amazing your feet still hold you up.
That’s the beauty of it all,
As broken and hurt, mangled and torn,
You rise,
Again and again and again,
Until the day comes when you fall,
And you realize it’s only a few inches from where you were standing,
Rise again and again,
You stand taller, rise from your falls,
Because you are a beautiful broken thing.

make me feel

I hate the way you make me feel,
Thought and feeling that have no business in this heart of mine,
For she is long since rejected your types,
The ones who seem to want make a lastingly impression
But have no intention of staying.

I hate the way you make me feel,
Tongue tied and butterflies,
Who are you to give me such unwanted temptation?
Desires and feelings that I wish I never felt when it came to you,
When there’s no intention of acting on them, what good are these thoughts to me?

I hate the way you make me feel,
Helpless without seeing you, knowing what’s going in your head,
Thinking of you when you’ve wandered too far from me,
Knowing that I will never be the same since meeting you,
And that terrifies me more than you’ll ever hear me admit.

I hate the way you make me feel,
Scared, so terrified that I can’t remember to breath because every emotion comes rush into my lungs with each new breath of you.
How helpless it is to cling to these thoughts and feelings that came out of nowhere
I hate the way you make me feel, but I’ve grown so used to it, crave it as much as my next breath, I just can’t seem to stop.

Po. #7457

Torn form the mouths of babes are the harshest realities,
Never shielded from the innocence of a simple life,
A simple mind and a simple heart, locked through the eyes of a child.
What it must be like to think things clearly,
With no doubt, not an anxious thought to cross their path.
Those things are what I feel with you,
Such a peace of mind I never thought existed.
But what a dangerous line we cross,
Caught between bold and secret intimacies, held back by the boundary of what-if’s and what could never be.

With you things are so easy it scares me,
Because isn’t that what love is suppose to be?
To feel wanted and missed, to know that I will always be able to roam,
It is meant to be good and sensational and perilous. It is thrilling and intoxicating and
easy. So easy and safe, when I’m with you.

Not sure what I make of these newfound feelings,
But I keep trying to smother them down, knowing I can’t feel these butterflies,
For there’s no way this is right and I know it will never be this simple,
We are no longer children, haven’t been since life blindsided us,
And there is no easy way to fix the damage that I have grown used to.
Darling, there is no way this will work between us,
But the safety I long for, the ease you’ve created to fall into, are things I crave.
Knowing that you are here with me is all I can ask for at the moment,
And I will wait for the day that the boundary set in place for us will be lifted.
Maybe one day the stars will align, the gods will bless us; something in whatever
universe will fall into place for us,
And we can explore the easy chemistry our souls created for us.

This Gift of Blood & Beauty

It is a gift of beauty and blood, though I’ve no name for it.
It is a feeling too weak to be branded as love,
Yet, too intense to be a simple infatuation in my mind.
So I settle for feeling you, in every form you come.
Is it possible to be intoxicated on a feeling?

As sunsets fade into sunrises, my eyes roll to the back of my head
My control gone, my heart wild, but I’m too high to come back down now.
You lips sing notes onto my skin, and I struggle to hit the notes with raspy moans.
When the song comes to an end,  the notes are too high, you watch me fall apart,
Under a flame that burns others from my thoughts,
And spreads like wildfire across my chest.

So when the magic fades and the stars dim from behind my eyes,
There are so many things I want to tell you, but my lips have sealed themselves shut.
So I let my body speak my mind, and pray you understand the secrets she sighs out.
I’ve known the flavor of your brand liquor,
Enough to chase, enough to gasp,
As your kiss burns what’s left of the air in my lungs,
Another has never left me speechless until you.
I want you to know I whisper you name alone,
As you tongue unfolds riddles from my skin.

So I let you whisper dirty things into my ear,
And I’ll let my imagination take me to a place of sweet nothing.
Perhaps a feeling is the best it will ever be
Just this moment of ecstasy between two bodies, two souls.
But know there is no need to question my intentions,
And do not let my mind speak for my heart
Because the two can only seem to agree on one thing;
That this gift of beauty and blood has no name but yours.

A Wine too Bitter

You’ll find me waiting in the shadows of the hotel bar,
Reminiscing memories that haven’t left my mind,
Burned with the ashes of what remains of the love I held for you.
You look like the promise of a ‘what if’ and the anxiousness of an unknown tomorrow,
Like the ember that lite when you first touched me.
You look as beautiful as the day I told you I loved you,
But we are far from the children we used to be and our eyes have lost their innocence.
So we talk like old friends, never straying far from reality.
And I wish you would whisper to me and kiss my lips,
If only to know I still held a false sense of power over your heart.
And it’s nice to believe we will never get older,
But life has a funny way of reminding us that we are far from immortal,
Gracing us with broken hearts and scars from those lovely memories,
Leaving us to reform the pieces into an already faded puzzle.

I know it breaks your heart to know I’ve fallen for my freedom,
Cutting ties with lost lovers and promises of a forsaken future,
No, we never had more than the nights of broken love made in your car,
And I never held onto you to find solace,
So you lash out with passionate delusions, and I answer with obvious indifference,
As I sip a wine too bitter on my tongue, I listen to our lies and embellishments.
Silently laughing at how unsophisticated we’ve become.
Our lips tinted with those promises of what ifs and anxious secrets.

So baby, it was nice to see you after so many years,
But life awaits us outside the doors of our enclosed booth,
And I hope the best for you and your new life,
(Though I think the wine had more influence over my words than my heart,)
I kiss your cheek as we prepare to leave each other once more.
Filled with a newfound sense of comfort,
I wonder into the street with a smile,
Never once glancing behind me to see your lingering eyes

Histoire D’amour

Baby give me everything, I need to feel nothing but your hands on me,
Call my needy, call me desperate; I can’t bring myself to care,
All I know is that I can’t seem to get enough of you.
Stay here a while longer, and I’ll ease you into this temptation,
Though finally grasping it makes the game all the more sinful.
You should know me better than that by now,
Any opening you give, any chance that I can move in on, I’m gonna take,
I’d rather desperately want you than not have you at all,
And that is our biggest downfall.
So let’s cling to each other and laugh and play as we tumble down into these sheets.

My face is hot from feelings that are no longer mine to hold,
The air coming from my lungs is as heavy as the weight of you,
And I struggle to catch my breath, but,
Your hips pressed against my back have left me breathless,
And all I gasp is the choked sound of pleasure and your name.
There is something so wicked about wanting what you can’t have,
And our flirtation is the biggest temptation of all,
Longing for the affection of the one you shouldn’t covet
But my heart is no better, wicked and unforgiving, cruel in her taboo games.
Waking up in your bed, I know I shouldn’t expect anything more,
But you always seem to surprise me, showering me with affection that is not mine,
The trailing kisses down my spine that always seems to take away the chill.

I’ve never been so comfortable with another soul as I am with yours,
And that scares the hell outta me.
So I need this lust to distract me from insights and damnation of my own making,
Because this love will never be mine to obtain, and these thoughts are only felt in the
darkest parts of my heart,
Where they will stay locked and hidden, it never needs to grace itself with thoughts
known. But feeling your skin on mine, your lips tracing my hips and thighs,
Make me forget that I can’t be yours,
Make me forget that it’s his name I should call, not yours, in the middle of our love affair.
I wish I could change the plot to this romantic tragedy,
I know this will only end in heartbreak, just as any other love affair should.
But dear god, the way you make me moan, the feeling of your hands roaming my body,
it’s something that this feeble heart won’t soon forget,
Along with these feelings that aren’t mine to hold, aren’t mine to crave

fallen for eyes that have not met mine

And I’ve fallen for someone I haven’t met yet,
Wrapped in love and soulful glances with a taste of longing and peace,
I’ll see you in the whisper of another, the taste of a mouth whose kisses aren’t mine,
Still waiting for the feeling of wholeness and love.
So I’ll kiss frogs, toads and boys, who have no emotions,
Hoping to fix myself in the ways that I’ve been bent and broken.
Never knowing that a fraction of my heart was waiting for this perfect stranger,
To glue the piece of my body and heart together.

A puzzle is never whole without knowing the entire picture,
Yet, I know you can be the one the fix the pieces,
Those that linger into each other, and those who fall out of place.
A puzzle with your touch can set sparks to the frame,
Burning embers into an image with little left to spark.

So I have fallen for eyes that linger upon my face and body
But have yet to capture my heart, and I’ll wait for that day,
When I can fall deep and mad, and feel insane and calm all at once,
Because that is what love is to me.
Wrapped in strangers kisses and familiar touches,
Waiting to be unlocked and seen for something deeper than a casual fling

What’s In A Name…

What’s in a name?
Is it the spelling, the way random letters make a whole person?
The way seeing it written brings forth warm feelings and memories of my time with you,
Or is it the sound? The echoes of each syllable that remind me of you
The way you smile when everything is crumbling around me,
Or the ways your eyes light up when they find mine?
Regardless, it’s your name I whisper each night to keep me calm,
You name that echoes in my heart,
Keeping it beating and hopelessly in love,
With a name that makes you everything to me.

What’s in a name? The power they have over us,
Or that they can bring forth memories and tragedies we longed to forget.
Is it the way that there are those that have ruined certain names for me?
And all those who carry it,
It’s not their fault I know,
But I still cringe when I hear it uttered,
Look over my shoulder to see if it they’re there.
And the power of those few names echoes within me,
A desperate cry for closure I know I’ll never be granted.

What’s in a name…

Just a small thing that defines everything,
Turns places into homes, people titles and power they don’t always deserve.
But, a name can be everything,
Call it out, shout it to anyone listening,
A simple sound uttered when I need you most,
The object of all my affections and love,
How our associations with such a small, simple thing,
Creates a beautiful bond without a definitive name.

A perfect Night

I’m sorry that I can’t seem to love those things about you that you cling to,
The thoughts and actions you think make you who you are,
(I thought I knew they person you were, and who you let the world see),
But perhaps this wasn’t set it the stars,
Our destiny was only to enhance us for a something greater,
But it’s hard to see the bigger picture when tears cloud my eyes,
And the moon only illuminates the worst parts about us.
So forgive me for wanting something better than what we are.
Because this isn’t enough for me,
I know it can’t be enough for you,
Sorry for letting this go on further than it should,
But we both clung to a love that was only illuminated in the fleeting light of the moon.