coastlines

Late nights laughing at drunk texts we sent,
Stars hanging over our hearts,
We drove until the skin bled pink, and lavender,
And the blue in your eyes had never been more beautiful.
I feel in love when the sun rose over our heads,
And we made love in the sunlight.

I miss the way we worked so well,
Falling into sheets, tangled in laughter and cotton,
Late night conversations about the world we would create,
Where we could hide for a while, never worrying about the road ahead,
And the sun never set, sharing the sky with the moon,
I miss the nights we had,
I miss dreaming of you the way my mind created when I was in love,
The stars no longer shine for me to see.

Another shot; I need the high to carry me away,
I can’t stand to think of you,
Not when it’s still raw,
When I still bleed over you each night the blade cuts into me a bit deeper,
Those stars that witnessed our love, our chaos and mad love,
They’re black in the sky,
And I can never look at the blue sky the way I looked into your eyes,
Because I never imagined a world without you.
And now I’m stuck drifting along the coastline,
Gazing up into a sky that will never look the same.

in need of a new view sweetheart

Eyes opened,
Mind shut,
You still seem to think you’ve gotten the last laugh,
Because you show the world you’ve moved one,
Yet they never see the desperation burning under your skin,
Crawling out, clawing their way from your skin,
Their presence needed to be made known,
Nasty little demons you’ve let make themselves home,
They cling to the familiarity of the rot of your soul,
They fester and feed off the insanity you give,
But, you’ll never know what it’s like without their touch,
Because, without them, you are nothing.
Choice made, and behavior unchanged,
You are your choices,
Learn to live with them,
And not cast the blame, and perhaps one day you won’t need to find me,
Won’t need to know that I’m up to,
When you no longer have anything to do with me

Love Like Summer Storms

Trace my name in the breaths that leave you soul,
Let me breathe in the ways you love me,
And exhale the ways I need you.
Our bodies colliding like the summer storms,
Hot and heated and so full of life,
Better together than apart, the rain falls and steam rises,
Passion building, only to explode and engulf our flames,
Driving us deeper and deeper into our passion, ready to erupt in the worst ways,
And yet they feel so, so good.

We drown in each other,
Inhaling and exhaling the best and worst we have to give,
Because this is what love is meant to be,
Beautiful and lovely and willing to bend and mend the parts of us we can’t fix by
ourselves,
We are good on our own; whole in the person we built throughout the storms we’ve faced,
But together, together we create something we cannot name,
Something that leaves our souls speechless,
And I know I only find that within you and the ways your name is etched into my heart.

some days i wish we never learned to fly

Some days I wish we never learned to soar,

Because I taste the air,
Fall through the skies without a care,

I forget…

I forget about the world below me,

So high, on this feeling,
So far above the clouds,

The world below doesn’t matter.

You don’t matter.

And some days I wish I never met you,
Never knew the heights we would reach,
Or how the clouds felt between our fingers,

But I can only say this now,

Because you left me free falling,
No longer clutching your hands,

I fall,

Down and down,

Never knowing when the ground will eat me up,
Just knowing how it feels to soar and plummet all in the same breath.

 

each poison

Each poison has its place,
Some make me loopy,
Grinning from ear to ear,
Slurring words of soft spoken poetry,
Comparing you to the sun in the middle of the night…

Some toxins make me crossed eyed,
Angry, sad, confused and the words that spit out my mouth,
They’re harsh and clipped,
Loaded and ready to fire at the first attack,
Never caring to think they could never be taken back…

Some make me hazy,
As though truly drunk on the drugs swimming in my veins,
I walk daze and lightheaded,
A dreamlike buzz, I blink you into my orbit,
High on the touch of you, of your lips on mine, of another’s fingers trailing…

Others make me silent,
Stealing the words out my mouth,
Silent as the grave,
Because there is nothing more to say to you,
If you weren’t listening to me before,
The solemn graves in my heart won’t capture your attention…

my grudges (set afire)

My grudges keep me warm at night,
I cling to them as something that I can hold,
Because they seem to be the only thing that’s real in this distance between me and you,
Are we so focused on the lens that we can only see the smudges?
They’re that distracting that it blinds us to everything else,
And we use it as an excuse to never change
So I guess we’re only left with the passion we used to chase,
And the anger we create in the mess we created for ourselves,
I’m tired of going to sleep angry,
But it seems to be the only thing that keeps this love alive,
For it’s the only thing that creates sparks,
This anger, this fire,
Reminds us of the times we ignited each other,
In things others than rage fires,
Do we have anything left to cling to that’s worth saving?
Because from the ashes it’s hard to see what kept this fire burning for so long…

we’ve moved on…?

My lips stained your cheek,
At my attempt at goodbye
Hoping you would take a piece of me as you left,
Or as I left,
To this day I can’t remember which one of us left first,
Does it even matter?

I still think about you,
On random days, with random triggers,
And it bothers me that you still creep into my mind,
I’m happy, I’ve moved on from the love we created together,
Learned, forgave and accepted we were what had happened,
But still,
You manage to infiltrate,
And it bothers me I still think about you when I don’t want to.

Do you still think about me too?
I wonder this even though I won’t say it aloud,
But I see you haunting my posts,
Checking my stories, creeping around my page.
I wonder if I still have a hold on you even now,
That you’ve moved on too.
I wonder….

how stupid (i’m not)

I’m not stupid,
I know you’re all I think about,
And I know you know it too,
But I have so many things to say about you,
About us,
Good and bad and ugly and beautiful and laughable,
Run on after run on,
Everything I do has parts of you,
Some larger than others,
But you pick them up as I keep running on,
Never missing the pieces that I drop or throw,
Or the ones that trail behind me,
Those I’m not quick to let go of,
I keep them close,
But they’re starting to get heavy,
The weight of them in my arms is exhausting,
I’m not stupid,
I know this will implode soon enough,
But maybe if I’m far enough way,
The impact won’t hit has hard as it would if I was with you…

locked behind my back

Locked behind my back,
You laugh and smile,

You’ve won, you think,
Gotten your way,

Because you look down on me, broken and desolate,
Lying in the dirt, covered by the attempts of your redemption,
And you relish in the marvel of a hollow victory.

My turn, and I never hold back,
Petty and proud and vain,
I come at you while you’re weak and recovering,
Broken, but still high off the sight of the gravel falling from my clothes

But,
The world had no place for the victims of their own choices.
We both know this is immature, childish and littered in filth,
But we both stepped up to play the same deluded game,

So this round is all on you,
And try to make sure you’re fatal blow sticks this time.

crashing tides

Those worthy of love should only see the gift as beautiful and pure,
And darling, let me tell you, love is something I am not worthy of,
But, I never minded as much until you came along,
Demanding attention from ever part of me, battling with my heart,
Trampling over her fragile grace, her fleeting beauty.
But I am no more for you than the moon is solely meant for tides,
Two things that exist within the darkness of each other,
Never taking more than what the other gives.
Love was something to be seen, but never felt,
Because I don’t know if my heart is capable of such complex things,
But you believed to changed the very essence of me,
Destroying what could be, in favor of what you think should have been.

I will never be able to be the girl you need me to be,
For I am all wall and stone and sarcasm and fear,
Never allowing anyone to cross my lines without careful suspicion.
And for you to get across an enemy’s line does not mean you’ve won,
It only means that my demons were too curious to not let you into my space,
Eager to see that chaos you would bring to an already explosive heart.

That’s the thing about you,
You believe you’re the cure to a disease as ancient as time,
You think you can save me from myself, and you think you can cure me,
Always watching, always waiting for me to realize you’re right there,
But my mind is two steps ahead of yours,
Waiting and watching for the day you overstep and speak out of place,
Knowing that no one makes it past these hardened defenses,
And if they do, my ghosts always make their presence obvious.
Never allowing me a moments peace,
Such is the burden of a mind that thinks deeply and loves cynically