Untrained Wages in Love

Love is an emotion I never took the time to explore,
For she is something I cannot control or even restrain,
And if I cannot control her, how am I supposed to governor my reaction?
So Love is someone I had strayed from, never too close to the window of love,
Never letting her linger too long in my heart, never letting her seize thine eyes,
How can I give myself to you when I’m too afraid?
Letting people in had never been a strong point in my makeup,
And I have survived years without the need of another,
So who are you to make me give up my solitude?

Your touch is as familiar as a lover from another life,
Though I think that is where you should remain.
For I have been trapped in my eternity for quite some time,
You could only complicate the fragile cage I built around my heart.
And yet, the rattling you stirred has made me doubt all I had done to keep you away.

So yes, you invade my heart like snow upon the dirt,
Covering all that had been bruised, torn and stitched back together,
And like a stranger you come into my life unannounced.
Your presence remains longer then I wish,
And while I can think of all the reasons I want you gone,
It is the one reason I want you to stay that keeps my lips closed and heart open
For I was always curious about this emotion that wrote sonnets and waged wars,
This emotion that causes death all in the name of a feeling, a single touch,
That still writes timeless lyrics to songs that make you weep.
And for this curiosity I remain in rapture by the presence of a stranger,
For what’s love but the offer of another’s vulnerability, their deepest secrets?
Secrets hold dear to the sense of ones self, and I am prey to those sinful moments,
Those captured in the security of love and her truths,
And I will do my best do seal the fate of a new found fascination of love,
For it is she that will grate me the power to write sonnets and waged wars,
If only to prove she had power over me, despite my best defenses.



*Image found on pinterest.com*

Relapsed Addiction

There is nothing like a taboo waiting for you in your bedroom.
So keep my head down and bend me over,
Make me slowly lose my sanity over and over again,
And for you I will cry and sing praises meant only for the Gods to hear.
Are you waiting for your little princess to open her mouth?
Down on her hands and knees, moaning and begging for you?
My body is spent as I wait for you to finish,
Shuttering and shaking from the aftershocks of pleasure
Oh I know you aren’t worthy of my love or affection,
But boy, I know your body as well as the pleasure of my own.
And you can only keep a good girl waiting for so long,
Before she moves on to bigger and… sturdier things.
So make my body crave yours so I cannot find release anywhere else,
{Though your temptation can only lead to relapsed addiction.}
Oh sweetie, the things I want to do to you,
While I have you on your back, hips rising to meet mine,
Caught in the sweat and chaos of a primal reaction.
But for those things I want will have to wait,
And I let you climb inside my body with a promise of a newfound self,
But for all your size and strength, I cannot seem to find that paradise, or release.
So I scratch and scream, twisting my body and heart to accommodate your sin,
(Boy, I think I liked you better as a stranger, with no attachments or questions)
Yet as soon as these thoughts race across my mind,
You move your hips and cock a little bit harder,
Hitting that spot that makes me see nothing but the blinding darkness,
And just like that I sink back into you,
Letting you have your way as you push my down, my ass bare for your eyes,
Your eyes linger along my hips and cunt without any shame,
Knowing that my body reacts to yours in ways that light the tiniest of embers,
And burns all else who try to claim it.



To Take The Edge Off


“What The F*ck is Wrong With Me?” Part 6.


She’s wound so tight she’ll snap at anything or anyone.

She usually has more control on her emotions; she prides herself on self-discipline. But now, with all the stress she’s been under, anything and everything gets to her. So she drinks glass after glass, not caring that she’s been kicked out of this bar before. She’s had a long week—she needs this.

What she doesn’t need are the cops bargaining in, ruining her whiskey.

“Lucille Abrams, you’re under arrest for manslaughter in the first degree.” They slap the cuffs on her wrists.

They don’t let her finish her glass.

The Cruelty of Our Love

There is me, and than there is you,
Two fools who happened to cross paths,
And find stability in the utter chaos around us.
I found you, in the coldest part of my heart,
While you craved the darkness you sought in me.
So I’ll use you to ease into the noise of my cluttered mind,
And you can use me to try and tame you demons.
I think I see the Devil lapping at our heels,
To devour the saints we deluded ourselves into becoming,
For the tainted sinners we always were.

There is me. And now there is you,
Two scorned lovers in an exile bestowed only by those we’ve loved
(It doesn’t matter that they are we. Or we are they.)
I feel you in the deepest part of my bones,
Where my hands have found trouble and grace.
I lost it all when you dug yourself in my heart
Its ice and frost melting the waters that would flood my soul and
And that is the moment we drown.

There is me. There is you.
Two people who happened to know each other
From along time ago, from a past that is better left buried.
I want to fight, for what we had become, but I had be beaten and I was bruised.
So I‘ll sit here on the edge, holding onto every ‘if’ and every ‘maybe’,
Everything that crashed and brought us to our knees.
And we chase and we fall for the same thing every damn time.
But never into each other,
Now into the arms of something better, someone new.

Now there is me. Only me.
You’ve left to find yourself again,
Because you found you didn’t like who you became with me
You lost you mind, let it sink in the loudest part of our love,
So it fell in between the silence of the noise.
The thawed ice frozen once again, freezing back into place.
And the stability I found is numbing.

There is no longer me and there is no longer you.
Just two souls intertwined than detangled.
So we pray and pray, to be cleansed of the demon and devils
To find grace and peace in the walls of a pagan god.
Because I still feel the Devil lapping at our heels
Hungry for the sins we’ve yet to commit,
Waiting to wash away its innocence, and bath in the cruelty of our love.
We come to find the things we once found stability in,
Are the things that lead us further and further into the chaos of our broken minds.

seeds of temptation

I entertain the thought of you,
And I feel like that makes me a bad person,
You shouldn’t be the one that makes me flutter,
And honestly, you have no hold over me,
But, maybe, it’s your idea, what you could mean,
Well, the idea of you that has me daydreaming,
Thinking of things differently, if you were the center of my focus,

But, I know that’s not right,
Not the one my heart bleeds for, sings for,
But my head, my thoughts drift towards you even when I don’t want them to,
And that makes me concerned,

Does that make me human, or a horrible person,
Or is it something we can’t even address,
A feeling with no name,
But so commonly felt,
That we all know the thing we think about as I write these words,
Humans with a taste for the temptation,
Now where have I heard that one before…?

crazy and bound to me.

On some nights I lie awake and wonder if you’re thinking of me,
For no other reason than to be vain,
I want you to still think of me,
Let your every thought be consumed by me,
Because that means this was worth it,
And that I thought the same way you did.
I can’t stand thinking this was all in vain,
Vanity and I go hand in hand,
She keeps me sane, and loving every bit of the insanity I crave,
I wonder,
Is the body keeping you warm at night as good as me?
Does she love you the insane way I do?
Because I know no one will ever compare,
To you or to me,
And I know you’ll never have another the way you had me,
Freely, fully and insanely…
Enough to keep you coming back again and again and again
Until it wasn’t,
And I’m lying awake,
Wondering why my insanity wasn’t enough to keep you,
Crazy and bound to me.

if my ceiling could talk…

I wonder what my ceiling would say if she could talk?
She’s see so much of me,
So much of my intimacies,
Between myself, and those I let crawl into the sheets she gazed on.
The moments that made me wonder,
The sleepless nights she let me stare at her,
Unnerving and solemn.

Lines I created and burned,
Ones no one dared to cross,
Ones the wrong people burned through,
And the she saw the ruins it left me in.

What would she say to me, if she could,
Would she hug me,
Soothe me and wipe the tears as they fell?
Or would she shake her head and chastise me,
Mock me for allowing these things to happen without her guidance,
Or would she remain silent.
Letting me talk and scream and cry,
And simply be the pillar I know her as.

What would she say?
The ceiling I stare up at every night,
And tell me most intimate secrets to.
What would you say?

fantasy forest

Creeping up,
Scarcely running away from my reality,
I find you,

As though you knew I’d stumble onto you here,

Among the chaos and the noise,
Even though I swear you were shut off forever,
Kept away for my own safety,

My own sanity.

But yet,
I found you; all on my own,
I dug deeper into the dirt,
Wandered further than I ever dared,
Finding you like a light among the trees,
Filtered and faint,

But you were waiting for me,
As though you thought I wouldn’t seek you out,
Surprised but not unwilling,
Creeping up on you,
You welcome me back with tangled webs and open thorns,
And into the dark forest we fall,
Further away from my reality
A mere fantasy that the sun shines on.

in chaos (theory)

Some days I wonder,
What’s the point,

Why fight, why yell insults back and forth,
Does it even matter any longer?
We’ve both felt this way for a long timeGoing back and forth on the promises we held dear so long ago,

I feel as though they don’t hold the same flame to our dying candle,
The devil I was drawn to,
The bad boy I feel in lust with,
A monster I could never learn to love,
Because he didn’t understand my definitions of love,
Or how they differed from his,

Give up,
This is all we can be, are meant to be,
Stop calling out to me in your desperation,
Because I can’t satisfy your cravings,
They’re too dark, too horrifying to express,
And I can’t be beholden to them anymore.
Some days I truly wonder,
Where did we think we were going,
Amongst the chaos and destruction…

Did we think we’d make it out alive?
Or unchanged,
Because we should have known better,
We always did,
Or at least used to…

Alice and Little Red

I wonder if Alice and little red knew each other,
Would they have been friends?
Fascinated by the stories each told,
The lure of danger and the attract of insanity,
The big bad wolf,
Lingering in the woods, ready to pounce at the sight of innocent little red,
Or maybe it’s the allure of that haze
Maybe of a dream or two,
Where each new dream brings a whole new fantasy,
High of the smoke and
And whatever is laced in the tea that keeps appearing in your cup,

I wonder if Alice and Little Red would laugh at stories they told,
How each couldn’t make sense of the others fantasies,
So they imagined a greater story outside themselves,
The true heroes in a tale they couldn’t see the bigger picture,

Would their tales take a turn,
Horror laced with lust,
Nothing more exciting than the taboo, than wanting what you could never have…
Temptation knows both Alice and little red,
Very, very well in fact,
Have you heard what happens when you get lost in the woods, while the moon is high?
Or the allure of chaos in a cup? Of a land filed with the danger of wonder?
I wonder if they would have been friends…
Alice and Little red….