For a Moment

We signed our cards with love and kissy faces,
Been through hell and back, braving the darkest of places,
And you got down on your knee, if only for a moment.
Our love produced something beautiful and pure,
And I sat in the bathroom with the fifth test, just to make sure,
I was so scared and anxious, if only for a moment.
Showered with gifts and cards,
Signed with love and best regards,
Everything was perfect, if only for a moment.

The pain in my stomach increases, though everyone said I was okay,
“Never trust the doctors,” my father would say,
I watched the crimson trail fall down my leg, if only for a moment.
Fifteen hours of labor, I hear everyone’s cries and gasps, expect for one
I imagined this moment with smiles and laughter, but there are none,
The silence was deafening, if only for a moment.
They wrap him in blue, as if nothing is wrong,
“You need to hold your son”, “Be strong”.
All I see is his face, though only for a moment,
And he was beautiful, if only for a moment.

fallen for eyes that have not met mine

And I’ve fallen for someone I haven’t met yet,
Wrapped in love and soulful glances with a taste of longing and peace,
I’ll see you in the whisper of another, the taste of a mouth whose kisses aren’t mine,
Still waiting for the feeling of wholeness and love.
So I’ll kiss frogs, toads and boys, who have no emotions,
Hoping to fix myself in the ways that I’ve been bent and broken.
Never knowing that a fraction of my heart was waiting for this perfect stranger,
To glue the piece of my body and heart together.

A puzzle is never whole without knowing the entire picture,
Yet, I know you can be the one the fix the pieces,
Those that linger into each other, and those who fall out of place.
A puzzle with your touch can set sparks to the frame,
Burning embers into an image with little left to spark.

So I have fallen for eyes that linger upon my face and body
But have yet to capture my heart, and I’ll wait for that day,
When I can fall deep and mad, and feel insane and calm all at once,
Because that is what love is to me.
Wrapped in strangers kisses and familiar touches,
Waiting to be unlocked and seen for something deeper than a casual fling

sugar coated

Screw you,
And this attempt at making nice,
I’m sick of the sugar-coated words,
It sticks to my tongue,
Burns the roof of my mouth,
And what comes out is acid and fire,
Ready to fight whatever comes my way,
Because this isn’t what we made it to be,
Not what we intended, anyway,
And what we have left,
Well, isn’t much to speak of,
Unless we’re screaming back and forth,
That acid coating and sealing us into a cycle,
Until we have nothing left but that fire,
A fire that one could say was passion and love,
But we know it to be hate and resentment
Because it burns hotter, not warmer,
And I think, screw you, to whoever is listening,
For allowing such a corruption to take hold of both our hearts…

open…

What if we did this thing all in the open?
I knew the corners you snuck around,
You knew the shadows I hide in…
What if we knew who the other saw
Who we were spending the night with,
When I wasn’t with you, and you weren’t with me,
What if we came out into the daylight,
And admitted we were open to suggestion,
Not under the moon and her stars,
Because clearly we needed the help,
Needed the chance to claim we weren’t exclusive,
Weren’t everything the other needed,
And that hurts,
To not be everything you need, everything you want
But I know it’s bigger than me, maybe,
I can’t be sure anymore,
What if is such a dangerous game,
For me and you,
Should we take a chance, and hope to get lucky.
Or shall we play that what if game once more,
And hope we open up just enough to figure out where we lie in this mess…?

there’s a thrill in it

There’s a thrill in it,
The waiting, the idea of control that I have,
Knowing I have the power to change the outcome,
Or to run from it,
This thing we have, volatile and enticing and dangerous,
It could do more harm than good at this point,
But I control the direction in which we explode, or implode,
And the thrill in that is enough to keep my finger close to the trigger.
Do we have something so powerful…?
That it could be the end and beginning of who we were,
Or, is this thing just what we have,
Hollow, meant to be taken at face value and nothing more,
Nothing more than a mere fire cracker,
All spark and not fire,
Needing the explosion to show us all we are capable of,
I thought that we had it,
And maybe we do,
But these fires burn hotter than I envisioned,
And I cannot take the heat, all smoke and no passion,
So I let us burn long enough to kill whatever was there,
And take the thrill knowing the lighter was under my thumb as I watched
us burn.

lost magic

Feel like I’ve lost my magic,
Lost is the storm, engulfed by the thunder and rain,
Or maybe I burned it,
In the fires I seem to set when I’m mad,
When I’m sad,
When I’m…running from everything,
I feel like then magic died the night I let you take me,
One swift thrust,
Your mouth bruising mine as it swallows my cries,
And the ember dies along with my heart,
Well, maybe just pieces,
For someone without a heart couldn’t miss the love and magic she once
held,
Something so fragile and precious,
Gone in an instant,
I wasn’t ready for that, not yet,
But you took it without so much of a question,
And left me to the mundane morning,
Alone and out of touch with this new world I was thrust into

that effect of you…

I don’t even feel the effect you have anymore,
So I take more, down and down,
I swallow hard, taking a shot of you,
A taste of what I need to give me that high,
Hoping I’ll feel something, anything, like the way you once gave,
What happened?
Why don’t you have that effect on me anymore?
I miss it; I need more of it,
If only because it takes all of you to make me feel anything now,
So much, too much, I’m an addict,
But even you can’t control this side of me,
Not when you’ve lost your hold on me,
Not when I look to another to make me feel the way you once did…
I wish I could be satisfied,
But I’m a greedy bitch,
Ready to swallow you whole,
If only to feel your high just for awhile….

all the things i could say

I could say all these things,
Even now,
The words burn my throat,
Dying to make their escape,
But what’s the point,
I’ve let them have far too much power over me,
And it’s taken all I am,
And I wish it hadn’t,
But there isn’t much left to be done,
I could say all these things,
But it doesn’t change the burnt ends of these matches,
Lite by the flames of distrust and hate,
I’m exhausted honestly,
Drained from it all,
I’m done.
There’s nothing left to day,
Trust me,
Exhale with me,
And let the words blow away of the passing wind…

written; speechless

The keys feel different under my fingers,
Lively and precise,
Like they know the words to pen,
Even as my fingers guide over the jumbled letters,
Funny how the heart and mind seem to collide,
And when they agree,
The outcome is fluid and so clear,
I can’t stop it,
Type away, the keys click and hum under my guidance,
Telling a story that I can’t seem to figure out in my head,
At least not yet,
They see the picture,
But my hands create the image in its entirety,
And when we step back,
To see the creation as it forms and finishes,
It steals my breath,
And reminds me that some thing’s are meant to take your breath away…

proven

It’s more to prove it to you than me, I realize,
Because I can live with disappointing myself,
I’ve done it time and time again,
But you,
Something makes me pause.
Makes me wonder if your gaze would shift,
Emotions flicker over those steely eyes,
Closing and shutting me out as you see what I’ve done,
And me, the person I truly am,
I can’t even imagine it,
It makes me pause, stop, even now,
Because there is something about you that changes me,
For the better and even the worse,
But there is a change,
An idea, formed and taken life in you, in me,
And maybe this is what it means to truly love and be loved in return…