I find myself back at the shore again,
Letting the waters lap my toes, each new wave coming closer and closer to taking me under,
I don’t know why I’m back,
I thought I left your sands long ago,
But there is something about the call,
The current, the tide, whatever the pull of you has over me,
That keeps me longing for the horizon only you seem to see.

I’ve been here before, we both know,
So close to freedom, and one breath away from drowning in the thought of it,
And yet, that wasn’t enough to keep me from looking back…
I’m so tired of looking over my shoulder for you,
I want to be here, I realize, and I don’t know that that means.
So wash over me and let the discover the answer at the bottom of you,
Swallowing the salt and sand,
Answering the call you sing for me in hopes to find something…

drunken love

Am I drunk in love?
Intoxicated on the essence of you and the way you make my head spin,
Or am I merely a drunken fool?
Too far gone to know when to stop, invincible in my stupor.
Whose to say there’s even a difference,
Maybe they simply bleed into each other, starting off with the best parts until the best parts aren’t enough.
Perhaps that is why drunks cling to the bottle as though it were a lifeline,
Because life is simply too plain and numb when not felt with intense feeling and wide
Perhaps that is why the bottom of a bottle always holds more appeal then the conversation that follows a broken heart.

Have I drunk enough? Have I not even touched the surface?
How can I tell when enough is enough and I’ve have too much,
Because from where I’m sitting, the liquor burns just the same going down as it does out.
Love is such a fickle thing, beautiful and tragic and always craving more than a soul should allow,
Always wanting what it shouldn’t desire, because what’s better than a taboo romance trapped in the longing of a heart that thrives on the attention of the one that will never be theirs.
What is it about the forbidden fruit that has us climbing trees and jumping off its branches?
What could possibly be in those seeds that have us tipsy on the thought alone?
Perhaps it is one of the mysterious working of the heart and her twisted games.
Yet, this addictive taste is what keeps me coming to play the game night after night,
Idealistically hoping the rules to the game will change overnight,
And I would be able to win the game of hearts among cheats and spades.

drown in me

Jump in, the water is fine,
Don’t be nervous, I want this as much as you do,
The way your body moves,
Taking its time to crawl over to mine,
Over mine, ready to express that primal love I so desperately crave,
Jump in with me,
Give in,
I know you’re dying to,
I want, no need, you to give it up,
Let go, give over the control of the river,
Let it flow over you, consume you in every aspect,
The nerves, your every sense clouded by me,
God how I want to be your everything,
The thing to desperately need, the sex that has you seeing stars,
The thing that motivates you, the one thing that makes you hot and chaotic,
I crave that feeling from you,
Fall into my bed, fall into me, in between my legs,
Moan for me; sing for me in the sweetest of melodies,
Let my tongue guide you, lower and lower, the pressure is building higher,
My body response so well,
Jump in darling, the water is heating up the more we drag this out,

Give in to me,
Twisting yourself around my current
It’s okay to go with the flow darling,
I promise my ripe tide won’t tear you apart,
Well, only enough to drag you under, to let you drown in me.

Drunk Dial

I only want to talk to you when I’m drunk,
Which is a shame since I’ve been drinking since you left me here,
I always thought myself better than the sobbing, broken hearted girl,
But you knew just the right way to break me,
Crying, clinging to harmful thoughts. Self-destruction in all the right ways
‘What if I could have made you stay? What if you aren’t even worth it?’
Sometimes I wish I had never had the pleasure of discovering you,
The things that make love so easy and difficult in the same breath,
(Yet most times I don’t know who I’d be if not for you)
What if I was never meant for more than a single night of passion?
A series of endless, one-night stands, under the illusion of finding the right one?
This temporary lust comes back to me every time my lips touch the edge of a bottle,
And all I’m left is this confusion and a headache.

You didn’t wait long to find another warm body,
Does she know that you walked out with my heart? Do you know?
Maybe not my whole heart, no, that is far to guarded for you to touch,
But maybe a piece, maybe a little more,
Just enough for me to feel this ache; for me to wonder what happened to the idea of an imagined romance
For I had once been a romantic, probably still am despite all these set backs,
And I believed in the small gesture of love,
Ones that were apparently beneath you and your need to impress.
But that is another story, one filled with far less regression and alcohol.
Here I am once again, my lips wrapped around a bottle,
Half wishing my mind to drift away from these thoughts,
Half needing them to stay and find the closure you never gave me;
Yet always coming back to the way you left me needing more and regretting wanting any less than what is in front of me,
Caught me in this whirlwind, its only a matter of time before you come to realize your mistake, and maybe it isn’t your fault;
Maybe you truly cannot see the crack that set off the damage in me,
Maybe it’s my fault for not making sure you were able to handle me in my entirety,
But regardless, the damage is done and my lips have clung to the edge of this bottle for longer than I’d like,
So let me swallow the liquor and be done with it,
And soon you will be a drunken night, a hangover just waiting to be cured,
Than I will be able to wake from this drunken stupor you’ve put me under.

Po. #7457

Torn form the mouths of babes are the harshest realities,
Never shielded from the innocence of a simple life,
A simple mind and a simple heart, locked through the eyes of a child.
What it must be like to think things clearly,
With no doubt, not an anxious thought to cross their path.
Those things are what I feel with you,
Such a peace of mind I never thought existed.
But what a dangerous line we cross,
Caught between bold and secret intimacies, held back by the boundary of what-if’s and what could never be.

With you things are so easy it scares me,
Because isn’t that what love is suppose to be?
To feel wanted and missed, to know that I will always be able to roam,
It is meant to be good and sensational and perilous. It is thrilling and intoxicating and
easy. So easy and safe, when I’m with you.

Not sure what I make of these newfound feelings,
But I keep trying to smother them down, knowing I can’t feel these butterflies,
For there’s no way this is right and I know it will never be this simple,
We are no longer children, haven’t been since life blindsided us,
And there is no easy way to fix the damage that I have grown used to.
Darling, there is no way this will work between us,
But the safety I long for, the ease you’ve created to fall into, are things I crave.
Knowing that you are here with me is all I can ask for at the moment,
And I will wait for the day that the boundary set in place for us will be lifted.
Maybe one day the stars will align, the gods will bless us; something in whatever
universe will fall into place for us,
And we can explore the easy chemistry our souls created for us.

Keepsake Sexts

Keep my locked in the box underneath your bed,
A photo to gather dust and cum,
When you’re feeling vulnerable and horny,
Another trophy of your sad shelf…

But know I gave my all to you out of love,
A trust and longing that came from knowing I turned you on,
Got your dick hard and throbbing for me,
Or at least, the image I portrayed to you.
Know that an image is only a moment in time capture
Of the thoughts and feelings I felt in that singular moment, and nothing more…

Keep me buried under the shame and cravings,
The desire you wish you didn’t still feel,
The longing you know you can never escape,
Because I was the one that got away and I’ll always be the conquest you were never able to conquer,
And that’s okay. I know my worth, know the love I deserve and crave,
Know you would have never been the one to fulfill the one thing I needed.
Compared to your version of love, it’s more than any picture or explicit thought you conjure.

And I know these thoughts keep you up at night,
As you grab your cock, fucking and twisting it with no relief in sight,
Because my image isn’t enough to get your ego off,
Knowing I moved one, that I don’t moan to the thought of you,
Nor do I think anything of the love you once tried to convince me I needed,
Because you know I cast your photo to the curb,
To gather dirt and dust, left to the elements of indifference.

So keep me locked in a box,
Trapped under your bed, in you closet, under your sheets,
Left to gather the thoughts and regrets you jerk off to,
Another trophy you never truly won, were never able to keep…

blank skys (the stars can’t save us)

Have you exhausted my line,
Uses me up and bled me dry,
Is this the future we promised each other underneath stars and kisses,
Had I agreed because I was hypnotized by your eyes and smile,
And I didn’t’ even realize,
Or maybe I did, do,
But I’m so tired,
Fighting and screaming,
Cowering and silence,
They don’t make up for the damage the words tumbling inside my mind,
Bouncing back and forth,
Time has been harsh to us,
Words planting themselves, ready to explode,
Taking out everything in its path.
There’s nothing left to say, to do,
Is this the future those stars knew when they looked down on us,
Mocking us, or pitying us because we could not see what they could,
Looking up at a blank sky,
I’d imagine they had more to say,
If they wanted to show themselves,
But for lovers like us,
Nothing the stars know can save us now.

Untrained Wages in Love

Love is an emotion I never took the time to explore,
For she is something I cannot control or even restrain,
And if I cannot control her, how am I supposed to governor my reaction?
So Love is someone I had strayed from, never too close to the window of love,
Never letting her linger too long in my heart, never letting her seize thine eyes,
How can I give myself to you when I’m too afraid?
Letting people in had never been a strong point in my makeup,
And I have survived years without the need of another,
So who are you to make me give up my solitude?

Your touch is as familiar as a lover from another life,
Though I think that is where you should remain.
For I have been trapped in my eternity for quite some time,
You could only complicate the fragile cage I built around my heart.
And yet, the rattling you stirred has made me doubt all I had done to keep you away.

So yes, you invade my heart like snow upon the dirt,
Covering all that had been bruised, torn and stitched back together,
And like a stranger you come into my life unannounced.
Your presence remains longer then I wish,
And while I can think of all the reasons I want you gone,
It is the one reason I want you to stay that keeps my lips closed and heart open
For I was always curious about this emotion that wrote sonnets and waged wars,
This emotion that causes death all in the name of a feeling, a single touch,
That still writes timeless lyrics to songs that make you weep.
And for this curiosity I remain in rapture by the presence of a stranger,
For what’s love but the offer of another’s vulnerability, their deepest secrets?
Secrets hold dear to the sense of ones self, and I am prey to those sinful moments,
Those captured in the security of love and her truths,
And I will do my best do seal the fate of a new found fascination of love,
For it is she that will grate me the power to write sonnets and waged wars,
If only to prove she had power over me, despite my best defenses.



*Image found on pinterest.com*

those damn bad habits

Falling back into the same habits,
They remind me of you,
For better or worse,
Making those bad choices that bring me closer to you,
I miss you,
I’m lonely and I want you here,
Falling back into you is everything I wish to do,
I’m drunk; maybe I’m not spelling this out right,
Forget her; let me remind you of us,
And all the choices we used to make together,
For better or worse,
We always laughed as we fell,
Covered in bruises, my hands are scared from reaching for you,
Lost in your eyes,
I forget this isn’t where I’m meant to be,
Those damn habits.
They remind me of us,
Good, bad, and for better and worse,
Am I the only one who remembers those times…?

stranger in your bed

So you leave the bar with that stranger whose name you never got,
The music was too loud; your thoughts were somewhere else,
But they wander to…that person… even now,
Even as you’re riding home with another,
A body to replace the pillow you clutch at night,
A nameless face to kiss and drown your remorse in,
Because the whiskey can’t distract you this time,
And he’ll smile, pull you closer and whisper the things he thinks you want to hear,
Need to hear, (just not from him)
And maybe this nameless stranger can give you an orgasm
Or even something close to,
One you don’t have to put any thought in,
Because Jesus,
Is it that hard to make sure the person you’re fucking is enjoying themselves?
(You know the answer is yes, as you’ve spent more nights reaching for your vibrator to
help finish the job
While the body next you snores in contentment, as if he satisfied your desires)
But the distraction can only be as blissful as it is ignorant
And you mind wanders again,
To that person,
The one that has you pour yourself a drink,
Because that’s the only way you smile through the tears,
Why can’t that person leave you alone…
Not in your thoughts, in the things that remind you of them,
In the bars where you go to escape them
Why, why can’t that person leave you alone, god,
That person was once a stranger to you too,
So why can’t you remember a time without them?