This Gift of Blood & Beauty

It is a gift of beauty and blood, though I’ve no name for it.
It is a feeling too weak to be branded as love,
Yet, too intense to be a simple infatuation in my mind.
So I settle for feeling you, in every form you come.
Is it possible to be intoxicated on a feeling?

As sunsets fade into sunrises, my eyes roll to the back of my head
My control gone, my heart wild, but I’m too high to come back down now.
You lips sing notes onto my skin, and I struggle to hit the notes with raspy moans.
When the song comes to an end,  the notes are too high, you watch me fall apart,
Under a flame that burns others from my thoughts,
And spreads like wildfire across my chest.

So when the magic fades and the stars dim from behind my eyes,
There are so many things I want to tell you, but my lips have sealed themselves shut.
So I let my body speak my mind, and pray you understand the secrets she sighs out.
I’ve known the flavor of your brand liquor,
Enough to chase, enough to gasp,
As your kiss burns what’s left of the air in my lungs,
Another has never left me speechless until you.
I want you to know I whisper you name alone,
As you tongue unfolds riddles from my skin.

So I let you whisper dirty things into my ear,
And I’ll let my imagination take me to a place of sweet nothing.
Perhaps a feeling is the best it will ever be
Just this moment of ecstasy between two bodies, two souls.
But know there is no need to question my intentions,
And do not let my mind speak for my heart
Because the two can only seem to agree on one thing;
That this gift of beauty and blood has no name but yours.

fallen for eyes that have not met mine

And I’ve fallen for someone I haven’t met yet,
Wrapped in love and soulful glances with a taste of longing and peace,
I’ll see you in the whisper of another, the taste of a mouth whose kisses aren’t mine,
Still waiting for the feeling of wholeness and love.
So I’ll kiss frogs, toads and boys, who have no emotions,
Hoping to fix myself in the ways that I’ve been bent and broken.
Never knowing that a fraction of my heart was waiting for this perfect stranger,
To glue the piece of my body and heart together.

A puzzle is never whole without knowing the entire picture,
Yet, I know you can be the one the fix the pieces,
Those that linger into each other, and those who fall out of place.
A puzzle with your touch can set sparks to the frame,
Burning embers into an image with little left to spark.

So I have fallen for eyes that linger upon my face and body
But have yet to capture my heart, and I’ll wait for that day,
When I can fall deep and mad, and feel insane and calm all at once,
Because that is what love is to me.
Wrapped in strangers kisses and familiar touches,
Waiting to be unlocked and seen for something deeper than a casual fling

control, lack there of

You see behind this façade,
This mask so poorly place in front of my eyes,
Trying to hide myself from your view.
I can’t look too much longer,
My eyes aren’t strong enough to hold yours,
Knowing I can’t back my thoughts with defense mechanisms,
Knowing you’ll see right though them.

Sometimes I wish this was easier,
Mind readers and falling stars each night,
So damn romantic we can’t stand it,
But that’s not what life is,
Its complicated and messy and nothing like what I picture in my head.
These situations don’t go my way because I’m not the only one in them,
And that kills me,
Because you can’t control how others will react,
And the lack of control cripples me,

My soul responding to the chaos,
My heart left to pick up what’s left in its disaster.
You say you can see beyond the façade,
Read me as well as the back of you hand,
But let me ask you,
Why do you think its up in the first place?
Surely not to keep you out,
But maybe to keep to in,
Locked onto the mystery I give you over and over again…


I carve your name into my skin, lines etching themselves in my veins,
So that you know how powerful this love can be.
Take my hand; guide me through the wasteland and into your arms,
Use that name embedded in my skin to find the heart of me.
Do you want me the ways I want you?
Let the demons come,
Let them tear us apart to teach us the wrongs of this love,
And let the ink running through my veins point us to the right.
No one said this would be easy; otherwise the prize wouldn’t be worth the win,
So for you, I will endure the pain of this game,
Hoping to come out alive, with you on my arms, stained like ink.

These thoughts are like an open book.
Ask me anything, I’m always honest with you, dear,
Just be sure you’re willing to listen to the answers I give,
For they can be brutal and unforgiving,
And just as tempting and sinful.
I know you think you know the essence that makes me who I am,
And the ink leaves trails pointing in all directions,
But that is only if you know how to read between the lines,
And darling, trying to decipher me isn’t so beautiful.

Lay down with me, watch the stars float on by through closed eyes,
Our inked skin shinning in the light of the moon,
Do you still want me now that you know just who I am?
Cause I still love you,
In all the ways that I shouldn’t, or maybe all the ways that I need to,
But you’re the high that I refuse to come down from,
The grace that I just won’t let myself give,
So I hope the name etched into my skin is to your liking,
Because they have made a home here in my veins, my heart,
And they refuse to leave without having made their mark

*Painting does not belong to me*

i hate how i still look for you (as my escape)

I hate how I’m still look or you,
Even though I said I needed a break,
An escape,
I still cling to you as though you can make me feel,
Feel better; feel powerful,
Feel anything than the feeling I’m refusing to name,
I hate it,
But I can’t turn away when you call,
I still have you close,
A choice I know I should have walked away from sometime ago,
But, I can’t…can’t let go of this, of you,
It’s hard to walk away from the constant in your life,
No matter the side effects,
Because you were the only ting to remain,
Even on my darkest day,
You were there, never too far,
And I fucking hate it,
Because even now I look for you,
Thinking of ways to have you close when I already cast you aside,
An escape I once said,
But what am I exactly escaping from when you’re on the run with me…?

to be loved and then loved by you

Who would I be when I was still with you?
Would we have grown together,
Embraced our flaws and learned to be what the other needed…
Would we have grown sick of each other,
Hating the very things that made us fall in love.
Love, such a loose word for us.
Would that have changed too?
Would things have remained the same,
The same tired lies and excuses,
Our fights that grew harder and frequent and violent.
The walls that grew and grew, until I wished to throw you over.

The same abuse I let happen,
Again and again,
The bruises faded so the damage wasn’t permanent.
The same tired lies and excuses.

Because I thought that’s what was needed to keep us together,
Would I have learned to love that too?
What if is such a dangerous game?
And I still played it with you
Countless times,
Because what if it changed,
What if, what if, what if, what if….

I scream it until my throat is raw,
What if I had been enough,
What if you were good for me, and god how I wish you were.
But that was the naivety in me,
What if I had been smarter,
What If I got tired of the same old lies and excuses.
What if I told myself I deserve better…
Because I did.
I still play this game,
But at least I will never know what it is like to love and still be loved by you.

blank skys (the stars can’t save us)

Have you exhausted my line,
Uses me up and bled me dry,
Is this the future we promised each other underneath stars and kisses,
Had I agreed because I was hypnotized by your eyes and smile,
And I didn’t’ even realize,
Or maybe I did, do,
But I’m so tired,
Fighting and screaming,
Cowering and silence,
They don’t make up for the damage the words tumbling inside my mind,
Bouncing back and forth,
Time has been harsh to us,
Words planting themselves, ready to explode,
Taking out everything in its path.
There’s nothing left to say, to do,
Is this the future those stars knew when they looked down on us,
Mocking us, or pitying us because we could not see what they could,
Looking up at a blank sky,
I’d imagine they had more to say,
If they wanted to show themselves,
But for lovers like us,
Nothing the stars know can save us now.

point of yous

I wish you could see it from my point of view,
How damage has a way of carrying everything with it,
And it translates into every part of you,
I wish you could see.
I feel sorry for the person you were before,
When you let things happen and settled for the least,
Because that person, conditioned you,
Molded you to accept what you thought you deserved,
And I think you deserve everything, have it all,
But it’s so hard, when you can’t see it
That person, faulted you and molded you into…this
And I hate them for it,
Because I can’t fix you, not all at once
Not in a short amount of time,
And it’s not fair,
Not to you, not to me, not the ones we could be,
They damaged you,
All the point of yous,
And you’re so far gone you can’t even see.
Can’t understand that you have parts so broken they dangle off yourself,
And until all I can glue them back,
You lug them along the floor, dragging more dirt and breaking it down further,
Until they become rags, pieces I try to sew back together,
But I can’t see anything from your point of view,
Down on the ground,
The damage splayed out along the floor….

peices ( you left)

We both know,
You’ll be gone in the morning,
It has to happen,
Fate, cruelty, life,
It doesn’t matter the name we give it,
It won’t make it hurt any less,
You’ll be gone,
And I’ll be here left to pick up the pieces of what you left behind,
And you’ll have no idea the damage it will cause,
No idea the hurt, the anger, the agony I’ll suffer,
Quietly, behind close doors,
Because no one can know how much you affected me,
They’ll say you weren’t worth it,
Not worth my time nor my tears,
And they aren’t wrong,
But they’ll never know.
And then, after time moves on the only way she knows how,
After my steps get lighter, and my heart lifts a little more off my chest,
You’ll manage to find your way back here,
Crawling, needy and shaken from what life threw your way,
And time will never let you get back,
And I’ll be here,
But not the way you left me,
And you’ll never know what to call it,
Because I no longer cruse your name…I don’t whimper it in my sleep,
And I no longer have any more pieces left to pick up after you.

Oh, little girl

There once was a little girl, who the world thought of,
The one on every sympathy card, the one stashed under every bed,
She was someone’s everything, and everyone’s something,
Forever immortalized by the feelings of sinners and damned alike.
She longed for things outside of what fate had predestined,
But, the stars never aligned for just any mortal soul,
So she waited and contemplated, tracing those balls of light with her lips,
Never knowing that her fate had long been sealed on the promise of a stolen kiss.

Little girl, what happens to you when you’re no longer someone’s first choice?
Please, call the masses among the buried to rise up like a phoenix from the ashes,
Sign your name in blood on the dotted line,
For that’s the only truth you have left to your name.
Once you’ve committed you’ll never realize you’re chained,
Until you long for freedom beyond the bars
And the beauty of an open sky beyond the ground.

Little girl, sweet, delusion little girl,
Pray on your knees all you like, the angels have no ear for sinners,
Maybe if you tried a little harder, the winged folk would bless you with an audience,
But what kind of audience would be granted? Sweetie, that has yet to be determined,
So let’s force you to your knees once more,
After all, don’t sinners love to be buried under the pleasure of humiliation?

Little girl, were you always afraid to feel so deeply?
To act on the very things that forces their way into the darkest parts of your heart,
Perhaps that was your only way of coping with the horrors you’d be faced with,
Locking your heart up with the rest of that sensitive soul,
But, you know that those souls are the best served with false redemption,
So say goodbye to your demons, for Hell has no use for mortal made sins,
And sink to your knees once more, the best sight for the angels to see is a demon repenting for the sins that aren’t their own,
Let’s us hope, dear little girl, that your sacrifice proves worthy to the Gods above,
For I’ve never heard of a demon turned angel based of wishful thinking alone.