shine

It’s hard to see you with your past,
This person isn’t the one I loved,
Who you were with her is painful to watch,
So subdued, so submissive to malicious intent,
Only a shell,
And it only makes it harder, to know that.
Eager to fulfill everyone’s happiness but your own,
It’s sad, hard to watch,
I looked away for a long time
Blinders on when it came to you,
Until I couldn’t be blinded by you any longer,
So in need of, something, anything,
A saving grace, a prayer sent up to deaf ears,
Anything to pull to for the toxic life you settled for,
So hard now, to look back and remember how you were,
Who you were with had molded,
But now, in my hands,
Molded into the person I love,
The one who chose happiness, your own
It’s hard to look at you,
And not be blinded by how you shine.

drunken love

Am I drunk in love?
Intoxicated on the essence of you and the way you make my head spin,
Or am I merely a drunken fool?
Too far gone to know when to stop, invincible in my stupor.
Whose to say there’s even a difference,
Maybe they simply bleed into each other, starting off with the best parts until the best parts aren’t enough.
Perhaps that is why drunks cling to the bottle as though it were a lifeline,
Because life is simply too plain and numb when not felt with intense feeling and wide
eyes,
Perhaps that is why the bottom of a bottle always holds more appeal then the conversation that follows a broken heart.

Have I drunk enough? Have I not even touched the surface?
How can I tell when enough is enough and I’ve have too much,
Because from where I’m sitting, the liquor burns just the same going down as it does out.
Love is such a fickle thing, beautiful and tragic and always craving more than a soul should allow,
Always wanting what it shouldn’t desire, because what’s better than a taboo romance trapped in the longing of a heart that thrives on the attention of the one that will never be theirs.
What is it about the forbidden fruit that has us climbing trees and jumping off its branches?
What could possibly be in those seeds that have us tipsy on the thought alone?
Perhaps it is one of the mysterious working of the heart and her twisted games.
Yet, this addictive taste is what keeps me coming to play the game night after night,
Idealistically hoping the rules to the game will change overnight,
And I would be able to win the game of hearts among cheats and spades.

Hurricane

He was the storm that rocked the ship I happened to be passing by on,
And the waves took me under in one breath.
I fought the currents, too afraid to be pulled under,
But he held tight, caressing my hair as I sank further into the waters.
So when the light hit my eyes, and I spit out the sand,
The view from the shores shocked me.
No longer did I see the mess inside the storm,
But rather I felt the calm waters gently lapping against my feet:
As florescent clouds float among a never-ending horizon.
So distracted by them I saw not the remains of the ship I once sought passage on.
Its broken sail and shattered boards bobbing along the shore.

The beaches are beautiful, white and surreal,
So when he finds me on the shores, I am as sun kissed as he needs.
He said to find peace upon the newly formed beach,
For what I had once thought paradise was no longer safe,
And the love I felt for him was no longer real, the shores not what they seemed.
So I broke the branches down and built a raft,
To sail away from the pretense of a dream I drifted to.
Try as I might, the currents won’t let me leave,
Like sharks circling blood that had risen from the depths.
The boat rocks unsteadily in the coming waves.

He was pure and corrupt; his sins outshines my faith,
But he’s the only prayer I’ve got on this boat wadding in the sea.
So I’ll pray to a God that knows my fears and hopes,
Hoping they will reach him from island I’ve succumb to,
Where my dreams and hallucinations have taken form-
To remind me of the rough waves ahead.
So just when the reality of the situation settles,
I wake to the swaying of a beaten ship and a broken window
To a storm beginning to brew, trapped in a never-ending horizon.

Timeless Waters

There are things I whisper only to night and her stars,
And if I’m lucky, the moon replies back with ethereal lyrics from a song
Lost to time and the oceans tides.
The song is timeless, as familiar as the sky reflected in the waters.
My heart aches at the solemn melody I’ve found in the shadows.
That is where you will find me,
Caught between the currents and the sand, where the water rises to the sky,
Singing the story of my broken heart.

Young love is like the ocean, beautiful, whimsical,
Rough, dangerous and widely unknown of how deep she’s felt.
Everyone thinks they can swim against the currents,
Float along with ships strong enough to withstand her storms.
(But those ships sailed falsely with greed, and thus sunk in her anger)
I was once naïve and innocent in the ways of love,
But love, much like the ocean, drowns fools.
And still I return again and again, just to feel the water beneath my hands,
Ready to let her pull me into her depths once more.

There is no moon to guide you to me this night; her light cannot penetrate the
Thickness of the forests and murky waters that keeps me here.
For it is not cement walls or barbed wire that shield my heart,
Only dense forests and rose bushes, with beautiful ruby petals
And thorns as sharp and tough as the words on my tongue.
You settled like a wildfire upon my heart,
Burning away the fallen leaves and broken trees.
Until the flames reach the waters edge,
The embers bleed into the sunset, lighting the dust and underbrush.

There are some things I can only whisper into the night,
And if I’m lucky, you will hear the cries that sing me a song as endless as the sea,
As tragic and lovely as the woods that hide my heart.
So look for me in the shade of a forest, the depth of the sea,
Where I sit upon the rocks, and write the tale of my broken heart,
In hopes that you will give it a new ending.
Oceans separate us, so I will send my love in a bottle,
And pray that it will find refuge on your shores.
And when you finally find me,
We will lie at the edge of the sea, and gaze up at a black sky
Waiting for a star to die so it may grant us our wish

Siren’s Call

It’s 2AM and all I can think of is your hands,
They hold my body to yours, trap in its warm embrace,
And all I can think is this is what it must be like to drown.
You think you know what’s waiting for you at the bottom when you jump,
And then panic sets in as your feet hit the waters surface.
After that, you’re caught between self-preservation and a perverse sense of danger.
It’s hard to distinguish the two when I’m with you, so for now I float on the edge.
Waiting for the waves to crash and pull me under.

The tides never stay the same, and the current changes course,
And I find myself back on your shores, soaking up the sun, under the cliff.
The first jump is always the worse,
(So it’s no surprise that I find myself leaping over again and again.)
For something that comes with such ease, I still manage to smile at my hesitation.
(It’s never easy to blindly give yourself to someone)
I pray the waters to wash away the sins of lovers, both past and new.
(And let your whispered hallelujahs soak in my mind)

It’s 4AM and I’ve wasted the night in my thoughts.
I feel your breath warm against my neck,
But your hands have not left my body,
And I think this is what it must be like to drown–
At peace, drifting off to sleep, letting the water carry my heart to you.
I never meant to fall, but the waters calm demeanor lured me in
So together we float along, seeing just how long we can hold our breath.

We Had

Oh darling, it looks like the world is at our feet,
Arms wide open, there’s nothing left to lose.
But that was when we had everything, and the world we knew was no bigger than you and me.
Those nights we won’t remember are just that,
Lost in the blackness of what we could have had,
Had we been able to control that venom in our veins,
Had we been able to say no to one more fun memory we thought we’d never forget,
Had, had, had, all lost in the past,
Trapped in the dangerous promise of ‘I’ll always remember this moment with you’.

That was when the world was at our feet, or so we thought,
Our hearts left wide open and our minds not yet clouded with the harshness of the world,
Oh how I miss those days, those two innocent people who were eager to explore,
Eager to give themselves away to the unknown, eager to love with no restraint.
Oh how we have changed, so much I can hardly remember who we once were.
I look back with fond eyes and a hardened heart, but sometimes these things have to happen,
Some things have a funny way of making us a better version of what we thought we would be.
So here’s to those nights we can’t remember, for the things we will never get back,
Here’s to the promises that we never kept, and the ones we wished were never made,
Had we been different people, had we been able to control our selfish impulses,
Had, had, had, all lost in the past,
Trapped in the memory of a night we had thought we’d never forget.

stardust and sinners

There was a time when I believed good had always outweighed the bad,
Where love would find a way and prayers were answered by a power beyond me,
But then I met you, a fallen angel among the crude masses of man,
And I began to believe in new religion all together.

Magnified in the confides of angels and demons,
Humans have always had a way of exploiting the gift of free will.
Made in the image of an angel with minds demonic and sinful,
Man struts across the Earth, leaving in his trail, lies and the damage of the corrupt.
Beautiful disasters set to destroy the Earth and her love.

So despite the danger it meant to a good girl too far gone
My heart was smitten with the likes of you.
And I can only watch helplessly as she falls for your ruthless charm and sex,
All the while begging on my knee for more of your delusional love.

Let us fall into each other without a care for anyone else,
A demon and a girl who knows not what she is capable of.
Take me far from this place and her soon to be ancient ruins,
And as we sit on clouds floating above,
Lets watch the world collapse into itself, straying far from what she used to be.

Trapped in the desire and greed of man and all his destruction,
The world is wrapped in façade and chaos.
But darling, you have always been the focus of my universe,
However deranged that seems. So let the world fall, and we’ll dance on her ashes
Collecting stardust and starlight to create a world meant for sinners like us.

rose shards

Beauty in the contradictions we claim,
I always liked my view of the world through rose shards,
Tasting the liquor as it burns down my throat,
The crystal always more a comfort in my hand then I’d care to admit.
I’ll keep my regrets at the bottom of each glass I finish,
Each filled higher and higher with every promise broken,
Every lost friendship and crack embedded into my heart,
Hardening the parts of me exposed to the elements,
Their cracks deepening with each storm and fire storm.
So bottoms up, lets down each drink with a little more vigor than the last,
Because it seems to be the only thing keeping me in check,
(But the glass seems to fill faster each time I reach over).
My view has gotten to hazy to remember why I wanted to stop,
And the list continues to grow, as does my need to drown at the bottom.
Let these problems find me in the morning light,
When my head is pounding and my mind remembers the worst of it,
But for now, cheers all around, because ignorance is bliss and I plan to drink until I can
remember is how the world looked through the rose shards.

The Glass Shards that Cover My Soul

There are dreams that I have every so often,
The same scenes and phrases sinking out like a fragmented memory,
Only to be washed away in the haze of consciousness.
The pictures in my head never play out the same way on my screen,
Images and characters always subject to change,
Twists and turns that leave my eyes spinning with different outcomes.
I’ve grown tired of Fate and the games she plays,
No longer blessed with childhood innocence and imagination,
My bliss is no longer ignorant, my mind no longer sedated.

Yet, these dreams kept on reply in my mind leave more than whispers on my brain,
Some so loud I need to cast them into the world, uninhibited and shameless.
So free, so young, yet so confine to the solace I find in the pages of ink and gemstone.

My future has never been more clouded then when I looked into your crystal ball
Its images faded and distorted –like those the trapped in your head,
Falling into an endless cycle left in repetition for those forced to watch and see,
As they have yet to be burned by the promise of an untouched tomorrow.

Some moments, I’ll cry out to a god, who no longer exists,
Wishing to change the fate that had been so cruelly given to the unexpected,
But all that I will hear is the wind as it ruffles the leaves.
The silence that will follow, the breaking of my heart so still and subtle
Will define me in this moment in time.

And so these moments become shards of what once was the mirror to my soul,
Put back arbitrarily, if only to keep the reflected light trapped inside once more.
So I pace the room, frantically keeping my ink from spilling too much onto the page,
I know these reflections, these ill-kept words and dreams, will reach you again,
And then you will see what my heart has resurrected,
The beauty that can only be found the darkest parts of my soul,
Hidden by the glass shards that cover it.

Let Me Paint My Own Reality

Let me paint my own reality of what could happen,
Let me lose myself in the daydreams that may never be seen.
Because that seems to be the only thing I have left at this point,
Let me sing along with the broken hearts of the world,
Each emotion etched in the feelings I let bleed out through the lyrics of a song dedicated to my own heart,
And yet, they can’t seem to heal the broken parts I’ve let linger for years.
So let me lose myself in this fantasy of the things that will never be,
Because I have spent too many nights singing this broken tune,
Waking from dreams, wishing I never gave you any part of me,
A part that makes me vulnerable, fading in the light, of you and me.

It’s like freefalling all over again, only this time there’s nothing left to cling to,
And I plummet all the fucking way down–doubting this love, and myself, and the way things once were.
So treat me like a bad habit, bury me under the rug with your pride and sins,
Cover me in darkness and wonder why I have trouble seeing the good in all this
But I can’t seem to let this one go,
So cheer’s to selfish pride, my naïve heart and her lost hope,
Because that seems to be the only thing I have left to give you,
And let’s laugh our way to the bottom of a bottle,
Because that seems to be the only I can bring myself to care about.
The one thing that helps me forget why I put so much hope in you,
And the one thing I cling to in this mess.

So it seems I’ve lost my faith in this mess,
And finding it is more of a struggle than I’d care to admit,
But good things come to those who wait and wait and only know how to wait,
But… I can’t be waiting for you forever,
So let me send up one last prayer,
One more please hear me cry to anyone who cared to listen,
Because after this, I’m done, I can’t hide myself in the security of the unknown,
Or lack there is so it seems to be,
And this distance between us only seems to grow with each passing day,
Let me paint my own reality of what could happen,
And at least I can live in my delusions a small while,
Until our actual reality crashes through,
Painting a stranger among lovers, a tired mind and heart,
No longer willing to fight a losing war.