Shattered Echo

I had always been attracted to the dark side of life,
But this attraction turned to be deadlier then I anticipated,
And I’m left with the terrors of your memory,
The ways you shattered me and attempted to glue me back together,
Your toxins clinging and seeping through my barriers
Hollowing out my defenses, ruining the best parts of me.
I’m still scrubbing the remains of you off me.
You and I go back and forth, always out doing the other.
But this time you’ve crossed into unfamiliar waters,
Leaving me to drown in the aftermath of your storm.
But your touch has left me in a state of disrepair,
My confidence crumbing faster than the dry wall beside my head.

So take your hands off me, get away from me,
And pray the scars won’t leave a lasting effect,
But it’s so easy you to forget your place,
To fall back into harmful habits, my skin carries the remains of you,
The bruises last longer when everyone is around to question them.
And they fade slow, tortuously slow,
As to remind me of the lasting damage you cause
So my body rebels at the sound of a closing door, an angry voice in the crowds, the discoloration you left along my skin,
I see it when I close my eyes, the darker parts of my skin throbbing with hurt and pain,
I stroke those broken galaxies you left along my skin, though they’ve long faded by now,
Yet, I still feel I can see them in the wrong lighting, in the wrong time, wrong place,
Just like the excuses you used to give.
But I won’t let this shattered echo of you define me for long,
And soon you’ll be just another face in the crowd, a faded part of my colorful past
Just another memory to reflect back on I suppose, just like old lovers do.

Po. #7457

Torn form the mouths of babes are the harshest realities,
Never shielded from the innocence of a simple life,
A simple mind and a simple heart, locked through the eyes of a child.
What it must be like to think things clearly,
With no doubt, not an anxious thought to cross their path.
Those things are what I feel with you,
Such a peace of mind I never thought existed.
But what a dangerous line we cross,
Caught between bold and secret intimacies, held back by the boundary of what-if’s and what could never be.

With you things are so easy it scares me,
Because isn’t that what love is suppose to be?
To feel wanted and missed, to know that I will always be able to roam,
It is meant to be good and sensational and perilous. It is thrilling and intoxicating and
easy. So easy and safe, when I’m with you.

Not sure what I make of these newfound feelings,
But I keep trying to smother them down, knowing I can’t feel these butterflies,
For there’s no way this is right and I know it will never be this simple,
We are no longer children, haven’t been since life blindsided us,
And there is no easy way to fix the damage that I have grown used to.
Darling, there is no way this will work between us,
But the safety I long for, the ease you’ve created to fall into, are things I crave.
Knowing that you are here with me is all I can ask for at the moment,
And I will wait for the day that the boundary set in place for us will be lifted.
Maybe one day the stars will align, the gods will bless us; something in whatever
universe will fall into place for us,
And we can explore the easy chemistry our souls created for us.

A Wine too Bitter

You’ll find me waiting in the shadows of the hotel bar,
Reminiscing memories that haven’t left my mind,
Burned with the ashes of what remains of the love I held for you.
You look like the promise of a ‘what if’ and the anxiousness of an unknown tomorrow,
Like the ember that lite when you first touched me.
You look as beautiful as the day I told you I loved you,
But we are far from the children we used to be and our eyes have lost their innocence.
So we talk like old friends, never straying far from reality.
And I wish you would whisper to me and kiss my lips,
If only to know I still held a false sense of power over your heart.
And it’s nice to believe we will never get older,
But life has a funny way of reminding us that we are far from immortal,
Gracing us with broken hearts and scars from those lovely memories,
Leaving us to reform the pieces into an already faded puzzle.

I know it breaks your heart to know I’ve fallen for my freedom,
Cutting ties with lost lovers and promises of a forsaken future,
No, we never had more than the nights of broken love made in your car,
And I never held onto you to find solace,
So you lash out with passionate delusions, and I answer with obvious indifference,
As I sip a wine too bitter on my tongue, I listen to our lies and embellishments.
Silently laughing at how unsophisticated we’ve become.
Our lips tinted with those promises of what ifs and anxious secrets.

So baby, it was nice to see you after so many years,
But life awaits us outside the doors of our enclosed booth,
And I hope the best for you and your new life,
(Though I think the wine had more influence over my words than my heart,)
I kiss your cheek as we prepare to leave each other once more.
Filled with a newfound sense of comfort,
I wonder into the street with a smile,
Never once glancing behind me to see your lingering eyes

The Silence in a Crowd

Vainly I sat myself upon a glass throne; only to be mutilated by it’s hidden shards.
What a heavy burden to be digging into my head
Dripping down from the crown, clouding my eyes with blood,
Fractured remains of myself gaze hauntingly back; unaware of the damage they’ve suffered, endured. At my own hands, at yours, who could have known?
The blood pools around my feet, fallen from my eyes, my heart,
Clinging to a downfall only pride can up hold.
This bleeding heart can only take so much ‘til it can’t pump enough sense to my brain, and self-preservation is a trait I wish I didn’t excel in.
So the only way I could escape, became my prison cell,
Breaking over and over again as I sit unaware,
Its mirror surface reflecting only what I willed.

Is this what bliss feels like?
Knowing all the bad to come, the wrongs and how ugly it will become,
But shielding myself from it through lies and unearned privileges,
Knowing that no matter how I wish, the struggle is never mine to claim?
But this bleeding heart can only sustain life for one,
I wish I could save you; but I must save myself first,
And while my glass prism is so lovely from the inside,
I know the outside is covered with dirt and shame and betrayal from those I have yet to cross paths with.
So help me off my throne, take this crown of my head,
Let me clear my sense of self before I wash myself of these sins
Help me understand why this glass throne is not worth the kingdom it reigns over,
And for you, I will give you what is left of a heart that is fighting to survive,
Fighting to maintain these fractured pieces and assemble them as a whole,
With enough sense to carry these thoughts from thought to speech,
And who lips you would be proud to kiss in space of a cheering crowd.

For a Moment

We signed our cards with love and kissy faces,
Been through hell and back, braving the darkest of places,
And you got down on your knee, if only for a moment.
Our love produced something beautiful and pure,
And I sat in the bathroom with the fifth test, just to make sure,
I was so scared and anxious, if only for a moment.
Showered with gifts and cards,
Signed with love and best regards,
Everything was perfect, if only for a moment.

The pain in my stomach increases, though everyone said I was okay,
“Never trust the doctors,” my father would say,
I watched the crimson trail fall down my leg, if only for a moment.
Fifteen hours of labor, I hear everyone’s cries and gasps, expect for one
I imagined this moment with smiles and laughter, but there are none,
The silence was deafening, if only for a moment.
They wrap him in blue, as if nothing is wrong,
“You need to hold your son”, “Be strong”.
All I see is his face, though only for a moment,
And he was beautiful, if only for a moment.

my skin is made of ink and bone

My skin is made of ink and bone,
Covered in ivory, laced in a poison of steel and grace,
Ready to feel and yell, to know what it means to be alive.|
Let me tell my story, as I bleed it onto the pages,
Scattered and torn but still legible to the right pair of eyes.
Let me know that it’s okay to feel things like rage and sorrow and pity,
Let my skin be torn and sown, ripped apart and mended all at the touch of another.

After everything, emotions drawn and torn from me in a silent cry
Let me rest easy in the darkness I’ve created.
No smothering, no chaos, just the thoughts I’ve tried to run from, and me.
Let me face them head on,
Give me the strength to change them and the voices that scream at me from inside.
Only then will I split and change, forming a new version better than I am now,
Buried in the ashes of the fallen monsters and shrapnel
Pray you find me among the rubble.

My skin is made of ink and bone,
Sharp and permanent, forever haunting,
Mixed with the chaos of beauty and the saving grace of Lucifer.
Let me show you what it means to be alive,
For I have felt it all within my emotions and the pages I’ve bled into.
Powerful words stolen from a hollow prayer,
Your lips lingering, kissing the scars you’ve left deep in my skin.
Know that you created a beautiful tragedy,
And she will forever be in your debt,
My skin is made of ink and bone,
Covered in ivory, laced in a poison of steel and grace,
She has been through hell and back with me, clinging to all the damage and
magnificence life has already offered.

all the things i could say

I could say all these things,
Even now,
The words burn my throat,
Dying to make their escape,
But what’s the point,
I’ve let them have far too much power over me,
And it’s taken all I am,
And I wish it hadn’t,
But there isn’t much left to be done,
I could say all these things,
But it doesn’t change the burnt ends of these matches,
Lite by the flames of distrust and hate,
I’m exhausted honestly,
Drained from it all,
I’m done.
There’s nothing left to day,
Trust me,
Exhale with me,
And let the words blow away of the passing wind…

What’s In A Name…

What’s in a name?
Is it the spelling, the way random letters make a whole person?
The way seeing it written brings forth warm feelings and memories of my time with you,
Or is it the sound? The echoes of each syllable that remind me of you
The way you smile when everything is crumbling around me,
Or the ways your eyes light up when they find mine?
Regardless, it’s your name I whisper each night to keep me calm,
You name that echoes in my heart,
Keeping it beating and hopelessly in love,
With a name that makes you everything to me.

What’s in a name? The power they have over us,
Or that they can bring forth memories and tragedies we longed to forget.
Is it the way that there are those that have ruined certain names for me?
And all those who carry it,
It’s not their fault I know,
But I still cringe when I hear it uttered,
Look over my shoulder to see if it they’re there.
And the power of those few names echoes within me,
A desperate cry for closure I know I’ll never be granted.

What’s in a name…

Just a small thing that defines everything,
Turns places into homes, people titles and power they don’t always deserve.
But, a name can be everything,
Call it out, shout it to anyone listening,
A simple sound uttered when I need you most,
The object of all my affections and love,
How our associations with such a small, simple thing,
Creates a beautiful bond without a definitive name.

control, lack there of

You see behind this façade,
This mask so poorly place in front of my eyes,
Trying to hide myself from your view.
I can’t look too much longer,
My eyes aren’t strong enough to hold yours,
Knowing I can’t back my thoughts with defense mechanisms,
Knowing you’ll see right though them.

Sometimes I wish this was easier,
Mind readers and falling stars each night,
So damn romantic we can’t stand it,
But that’s not what life is,
Its complicated and messy and nothing like what I picture in my head.
These situations don’t go my way because I’m not the only one in them,
And that kills me,
Because you can’t control how others will react,
And the lack of control cripples me,

My soul responding to the chaos,
My heart left to pick up what’s left in its disaster.
You say you can see beyond the façade,
Read me as well as the back of you hand,
But let me ask you,
Why do you think its up in the first place?
Surely not to keep you out,
But maybe to keep to in,
Locked onto the mystery I give you over and over again…

charmed

Of all the two faced things in this world, yours was by far the ugliest,
For who could ever believe the snake dressed in rags and cheap gems?
You may have tired this game before with a different charmer,
But let me tell you, games of the mind happen to be a specialty of mine,
So lets dance around the poison darling and see who can survive the venom,
Nature was always good at natural selection,

You know of karma, seem to think of her as a friend,
But she has a way of making sure everyone gets what’s deserved,
And your bark seems to be as pathetic as your bite,
But its cute to see you all riled up,
And I’ve been thinking, what your issue is with us,
Only to come up short and confused, dazed in your glowing scales.
So I’ve stopped trying to win the heart of a fake lover, and started to focus on me,
And babe, it’s the best revenge crafted.

So hear me, while I’m inclined to speak my truth,
Let this shit go, for we both know I have way better things to take care of,
This dance is over, the game tired, and
Your charm will only work for the bones you’ve buried yourself with,
Leave the conversations for the adults that don’t lower themselves to grovel like children And I promise your ignorance will be just as blissful as I when your attention will no longer be when fixated on me.