entitled

Aw darling, were the words I said to harsh for your ideals,
Did I not fit into the definition of what you defined me?
You were never a part of my life in the way you so desperately needed to be,
And you threw tantrums and lashed out when you couldn’t get the answers you wanted,
Petty little bully, shoved into the words of a keyboard
And that was fine; I let you wear yourself down, all tuckered out,
Yet you couldn’t stay asleep,
And had to give one last failed attempt,
Kicking your feet and screaming insults all because you were unhappy with whatever was the cause,
Because I didn’t let you in, refused for fall,
But don’t let me be the one to tell you otherwise,
Because I truly don’t care,
We weren’t friends, I made that clear,
And you couldn’t take the goddamn hint,
But thankfully only the plastic of our screens saw the damage and desperation.
Though the testimonies will forever haunt the Internet…

It’s a sigh of relief,
Not having to explain for the hundredth time why you aren’t worth mine,
How does it feel to cast me aside, to make your stance?
I hope it gives you the closure you think you deserve,
And let this be the last reminder of just what we were,
In reality, not in the words we cast aside,
That there never was or will a time when this would have been anything more than what it was,
Nothing but a blink in the moments of life,
As quick to come was it was gone….

shine

It’s hard to see you with your past,
This person isn’t the one I loved,
Who you were with her is painful to watch,
So subdued, so submissive to malicious intent,
Only a shell,
And it only makes it harder, to know that.
Eager to fulfill everyone’s happiness but your own,
It’s sad, hard to watch,
I looked away for a long time
Blinders on when it came to you,
Until I couldn’t be blinded by you any longer,
So in need of, something, anything,
A saving grace, a prayer sent up to deaf ears,
Anything to pull to for the toxic life you settled for,
So hard now, to look back and remember how you were,
Who you were with had molded,
But now, in my hands,
Molded into the person I love,
The one who chose happiness, your own
It’s hard to look at you,
And not be blinded by how you shine.

pieces of the shattered glass you threw,

I’m left picking up pieces of the shattered glass you threw,
Bottles that you drank from too long, too much,
And the poison had been in your system,
Blocking what sobriety had to offer.

This darkness I’ve known my whole life,
Become accustom to it,
Partaking in it myself,
But my demons are my own,
And I can only blame you for your actions, not the way they affecting me.

This fear I’ve let linger in the back of my mind,
Comes to life in each sip of the glass,
And my lips savor the excuse of not dealing with it.
But you, I can never know if your reasons are like my own,
Throwing, and clinging to the bottle,
Hiding behind the affects of ignorance,
I can’t ignore the problem like you do,
And that gives me the strength to fight my demons

Yet I fear your succumb to yours already,
And there is nothing I can do to pull you from your self-made abyss
Throwing glass, I’m left to pick up the pieces,
never knowing your cry for help only echoed my own…

redemption and its funny things,

You thought I would be the redemption to your sins.
The grace that would forgive you in the eyes of all you wronged
And I wish you had been mine
But it seems we only invited different demons into our hearts,
And they made friends with the ones already thriving in these chaotic souls,
I suppose that’s what we get for believing ourselves worthy of such a gracious gift,
Love, in its many forms,
Can never be the same for those of us who shunned her for so long.

I wish I believed in love the way you once had,
Effort and work and passion that created such a beautiful thing
It was the envy of those who whispered behind your back,
The creator of the lies you would soon tell yourself to keep up the façade,
The reasons why we find ourselves here, now…
I once believed redemption was my only answer,
Did I have to answer for every wrong I’ve committed?
Or did I simply have to play the part of the humbled, changed for the better, person?
Would you be able to see through me,
Know that I was playing the game as much as it once played me.

drunken love

Am I drunk in love?
Intoxicated on the essence of you and the way you make my head spin,
Or am I merely a drunken fool?
Too far gone to know when to stop, invincible in my stupor.
Whose to say there’s even a difference,
Maybe they simply bleed into each other, starting off with the best parts until the best parts aren’t enough.
Perhaps that is why drunks cling to the bottle as though it were a lifeline,
Because life is simply too plain and numb when not felt with intense feeling and wide
eyes,
Perhaps that is why the bottom of a bottle always holds more appeal then the conversation that follows a broken heart.

Have I drunk enough? Have I not even touched the surface?
How can I tell when enough is enough and I’ve have too much,
Because from where I’m sitting, the liquor burns just the same going down as it does out.
Love is such a fickle thing, beautiful and tragic and always craving more than a soul should allow,
Always wanting what it shouldn’t desire, because what’s better than a taboo romance trapped in the longing of a heart that thrives on the attention of the one that will never be theirs.
What is it about the forbidden fruit that has us climbing trees and jumping off its branches?
What could possibly be in those seeds that have us tipsy on the thought alone?
Perhaps it is one of the mysterious working of the heart and her twisted games.
Yet, this addictive taste is what keeps me coming to play the game night after night,
Idealistically hoping the rules to the game will change overnight,
And I would be able to win the game of hearts among cheats and spades.

f*ck

Fuck,
It’s a breath of relief,
And utterance shakily released,
Because I’m not sure how to feel anymore,
Safe, secure, content with the routine of this,
Or scared, anxious and dreading a future already decided for me,
Or too predicted,
I’m not sure anymore
It swims in my head,
Never allowing me to gasp for air,
Instead, I tread the waters, happy to steal slips of those precious moments of freedom,
Of air, am I allowed to stray from these thoughts?
Because I want to,
Want an escape to cope with your dread,
Of being trapped to you,
Fuck
It’s a exclamation if anger, of panic, of doubt,
I don’t think I’ll survive this,
I think you know that, and the smile of tainted grace sends my instinct into overdrive,
Fuck fuck fuck,
What have I gotten myself into this time
I don’t think I can make it out without the scars this time…

The Story We Could Have Been

They love to talk about us; the story we could have been
But I know that our romance is better left in the pages of an untold story,
So watch this fairytale collapse in itself and lets get whisked away on a happily never after.
It’s safer that this infatuation remains in my head,
For anything to spill over would be, well,
Let’s go back to the start of it all and try to remember how we got here,
Because I’m tried of talking about the speculation and could- be’s,
That fairytale that never was…

I miss when we didn’t care what others thought,
When life and time were the only obstacles we cared to face together,
But know our heads are lost in the clouds;
Our tongues tied in the lies we tell each other,
Our heart could never know how much they mean to the other,Old flames seem to die so slowly,
There embers burning through the long, lonely nights,
Eager to warm a cold bed; an even colder heart.
But I’ve had my fair share of those lust filled nights
When old flames burn too brightly to last anything more than that night,
So lets meet under the moon, when our eyes have blocked out reality,
And try to remember a time when we could have been more than this.

delusion and disillusions

How funny, how amusing,
How the mind plays tricks on us,
Even when we try too hard to beat it,
To be the smarter half of it all,
We still end up the fools played by its tricks,
We lie to ourselves,
Tell ourselves we’re okay with this reality,
With this scene that’s played out in front of us time and time again,
If only because we’re afraid that the truth may bubble over,
And then what?
We face it?                                                            
No way, that’s too much,
Too much to take in,
Not worth facing the harshness of this loves cruelty feast,
When we’re comfortable with the disillusion we placed before us,
So eager to pick off the plates of those who shine,
So bright, we can never see the shadows they’ve plagued us with,
So where do we go from here?
Back into the minds of the delusion…
To play favor to the guests to this expensive façade,
I can’t afford to be blinded anymore,
So I guess it’s all in, I’m all in,
To the game I thought I could beat with a simply play on words and beginners luck.

lovers like us

My thoughts have always be dark, twisted, sinful and erotic,
But that’s what makes the best story my dear, and mine and yours is so beautifully
written in my head,
That sometimes I forgot there are boundaries we need to remember,
Things that are and aren’t appropriate for lovers like us,
But that is perhaps a story for another day, one filled with reality and reminders
But for now, here are the thoughts of us that have never been made into reality,
Well, at least, not yet. I know we both feel the temptation,
I know I sound crazy, how can I cling to something that never was?
How can I crave the touch of someone I’ve never had, never felt in the ways the count?
The answer is simple; hope is such a dangerous thing my love, and my heart knows the dangerous of a temptation all too well.

So let us get back to this story of you, and me,
Where we can be what is felt, what is wanted and what is yearned for.
In my head, our joining is hot and heavy, filled with aggression and sighs of longing,
The kind of sex that makes me forget that I shouldn’t be wanting it,
The kind that has me blushing long after the tiresome deed is done.
In my head, it all plays off the way I need it,
Hot, heavy and leaving me grasping for the air I know I need to breathe,
Your hands on my thighs, gripping hard, leaving behind tiny bruises,
Because you love seeing your mark on my skin in ways that excite you,
But that’s nothing compared to the way you sigh in my ear,
The whimpers of “fuck” that dance along my skin; the whispers of yes and more, dear god do that again,
But the spell is broken right before I catch that mass of relief, the right moment, the thing I need the most from you.

So the fantasy plays on and on and on,
Always changing, yet the same desires remain.
Oh and I am an expert of wanting the things I can’t have,
That’s what’s makes the game all the more exciting.
And I’m left wishing the fantasy were made into a reality,
But that dream is for the wishful thinkers and those willing to ruin the good they’ve found.
So wish me luck, but I’ve never been the type for wishful thinking,
And I’ll hold onto the fabricated memory of the things your body could do to me,
Just bound the reach of the boundaries for lovers like us.

When She Kisses You I Hope You See Stars

She shines like the sun, bright and beautiful, but deadly to look to closely to,
Glowing in the dim lighting, as fragile as the problems of the world,
Waiting to be exploited and mocked for a false sense of gain.
Yet you are drawn to her out of a familiarity I can’t grasp,
With a need I cannot begin to understand.
They say the hearts of young lovers are yet to be understood,
That poets and artists cannot capture the beauty of something so unearthly.
But all they need is to look at her, and they will understand the unnatural appeal.
She is a beauty I can never hope to be,
And I sink into the shadows because my shine cannot compare.
I want a love that is able to move mountains and shatter hearts,
But love is too much of a bitch to ever intentionally cause that kind of damage,
And she will spite me in name alone, just to prove a point.
Yet your sun shines brighter, unexpected and envious,
Because as much as I wish to capture your attention like she,
I can only hold an ember to the wildfire she has started.
So when she kisses you, I hope you see stars, because you deserve nothing less,
And I hope the fates gather around to grant your every wish
Because a sun that shines brighter and more beautiful than I,
Deserves stars that galaxies revolve around, waiting to give their all.