my darkness calls to you

My darkness calls to you like no other,

Time and time again,
We find ourselves back again,
Under the street lights,

In between the desperate and shameful,
Under the broken neon lights,
Casting a dull glow over the bar stools we stain,
Can you hear me?

There’s nothing to fight this,
We tried…walking, running,
Crawling away
But…
I’m lonely,
And you know how to fix me without my telling,

Fix.
Such a strong words to broken hearts like ours,
But we make it work with the cracks and bite marks.
Bury yourselves in my under those broken neon lights,
And I promise to make my darkness sing your praises.

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maybe…

Maybe,
Maybe….
It’s how I start the sentence,
Mouth opening and closing,
I know what I want to say,
But the only word that comes out is the first.
Afraid to finish my sentence,

Why…I couldn’t tell you.
Maybe,
Maybe I’m afraid of how you’ll see my after everything is said,
Maybe I can’t put the feelings into words,
Because
That makes them true,
Makes the hurt and anger and helplessness real.
And maybe,
I can’t handle that.
Maybe I can’t deal,
Whatever,

Maybe this isn’t what I thought it to be,
And maybe I was wrong,
But you’ll never hear me utter those words,
Because maybe is the word that stops me every time,
The thing that makes me swallow the words that follow,
Every time…

fantasy forest

Creeping up,
Scarcely running away from my reality,
I find you,

Waiting,
As though you knew I’d stumble onto you here,

Among the chaos and the noise,
Even though I swear you were shut off forever,
Kept away for my own safety,

My own sanity.

But yet,
I found you; all on my own,
I dug deeper into the dirt,
Wandered further than I ever dared,
Finding you like a light among the trees,
Filtered and faint,

But you were waiting for me,
As though you thought I wouldn’t seek you out,
Surprised but not unwilling,
Creeping up on you,
You welcome me back with tangled webs and open thorns,
And into the dark forest we fall,
Further away from my reality
A mere fantasy that the sun shines on.

sing it with me

Lies,
Just to keep you by my side,
Keep you hanging on the threads I weave,
I can’t tell whose we started to believe more,
The world or ours,

Lies,
They keep us tangled,
Keep hurting me,
In the best way,
Because I believe your stories,
Believe in the tales you spin,
Until I drown in them,
And paint me more of those pretty pictures,
Creating the image in my head,
My throat is caught in the web,
The silk tightening until it’s all I inhale,

Lies,
Lay with me lover,
And tell me all the things that you never believed,
And I’ll weave my claws into you just a little more,
Singing the pain away one note at a time…

where did you go

Where did you go?
I’m waiting here,
Patiently, hoping you’ll find me,
It’s been a while,
Did you forget I was here?
Am I the fool?
Where are you,
I’m starting to get worried,
Did something happen,
Did you forget to let me know our plans had changed,
Or was I suppose to figure it out on my own,
While I’m sitting here,
Waiting for you to come home,
Answering these questions,
That no one asked, and I never wanted to answer them that way,
But….
Where are you?
Are you coming home soon?
Because I need to know if something had changed…

blank

Struggling to write,
Think, talk, anything,
But…nothing,
Nothing comes to my head,
Because I keep drawing blanks,
The words on the tip of my tongue,
As soon as I try to think of them,
A cloud roams over my thoughts,
Static coursing through,
Stealing any semblance of thoughts,
Of…me.
Lights go on,
And the room stays dark,
Lost in the things I can’t find the words for,
Struggling,
What was it I need to say…?

collapse

With all the lights gone,
Only shadows remain,

Some good, others carrying the weight of the chaos and destruction with them,
Each waiting in the fallen pieces of me,

Creeping up,
Ready for me to collapse under their weight.

Doubt is a funny thing,
Lingering like the shadows,

But worse, I suppose,
Because the doubt doesn’t dissipate when I turn the lights on,

It doesn’t linger,
It stays and wallows with me,

Waiting for me to collapse under its weight.
Love is the same,

Hidden in the most unexpected places,
Never where I want it to be,

And always where it needs to be
Even when I don’t want it.

But such is life,
Never following the plan or set motion,

Letting love flow and move with the moo and her tides,
Never allowing its weight to crush you,

Holding you when you collapse from everything else.