You still leave a bitter aftertaste,
Like too much vodka down in one shot,
Or too much love forced into this sheltered heart of mine.
But you will always be my drink of choice,
When I’ve had more than my tolerance will allow,
When I can’t think straight anymore and it’s habit to reach for you,
That is when I will say I miss you, I miss us, I miss…whatever this feeling is.
I miss your head between my thighs,
And my mind would quiet for you and the talents you sculpted with that tongue,
I miss the bruises that dances along my skin,
It reminded me of when you couldn’t keep your hands off me,
A time when it was easier to talk with our bodies and the notes they sang.
I used to miss the way I could make you whimper,
Make you beg for more, of me, of what I could do with my hips,
But I’ve come to find that it wasn’t those sounds I wanted,
It was your vulnerability; it was you, lost in a moment that was just the two of us,
And it was a moment I would never forget.
It was the hoarseness in your voice after a night of fucking,
It was the messiness of you hair as it curled from the sweat,
The way you looked at me like I was the thing that made your world sparkle,
That thing that made you want to continue every day, like it was your last,
But most of all, I miss the way you made me into a better person,
A person that could be herself in all her imperfections and wrongs,
Yet strong enough to let her guard down around those she loved.
But that girl left when you walked away,
Not out of hate, nor was she unloved, but because our timing was never the best.
So now she never lingers long with anyone new,
Always finding favor with strangers who wouldn’t dare call more than twice.
Because it’s easier to keep them at bay, an arms length from her heart.
Never letting anyone in has become her best strength and greatest weakness,
But for all I my strength, my tears still find me when my hearts aches for you,
I see you in my imperfections, in the detachment that has become second nature,
And I can’t help but miss you.
In a way, my heart will never attach itself to another as long as you exist.
My almost lover, my almost everything…