with you,

Living, laughing with you,
It was everything I needed,
Wanted,
And yet I still find myself closed off at certain exits,
To keep myself safe?
To keep you safe…?
I can’t bring myself to answer those questions honestly,
Not yet, but that doesn’t make sense,
Because its been years,
By now my barriers should have broken down,
The rains and storms torn at it, little by little,
And still,
Instinct kicks in and my guards are up,

Always,

Even with you,
And I hate it, but I cant stop it,
Because it kept me save, hidden all these years,
SO there has to be something there,
Something, it has to be,
Because then I would be able to make some sense of it,
It has to be, has to have a reason,
Jesus, please.
Living and laughing changed when I met you,
Maybe it simply takes time,
( jesus please..)

2 thoughts on “with you,

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