fabricated tells

The way the words spill out of your mouth, so naturally,
As bitter as they are sweet,
I clung to them like an addict hooked on that last fix,
Lonely and vulnerable—looking for justification under false pretenses,
We were two liars trying to convince each other of the same truth.
Down, down and down we fall,
Tumbling into the other’s deceptions as we go,
I should have stopped this when I saw your tell,
The fabricated tells that made the relationship an easy downfall.
Should I have known when you stopped smiling when I entered the room?
Or was it the way your hands would squeeze a little tighter around my throat when you
whispered those things to me in the dark.
Maybe it was when your eyes lost the spark that made me laugh,
The way your smirk stretches across your face at snide backhands you’d make,
Or maybe when those hands started to cause more pain then pleasure,
Only touch me when there were no witnesses,
No one to question the bruises you placed in the dark.

I guess you stuck to me the way I can’t let go of those bad habits,
The ones that you know are bad, so, so bad, yet you find yourself running back when things go wrong, or when things go so right its sin.
I think you and I were always meant to fall into this habit of lying and trickery,
Like the way the sun lies to the moon, for the hopes of a beautiful tomorrow,
Or the way a snake lovingly coils around its next meal.
Though two snakes trying to devour each other never ends satisfyingly.
And the moon will never be as important as the sun, despite her beauty in the dark.
And I tried to convince myself my reality wasn’t that, cowardly and scared to move out of the shadow of you.
Letting you touch me in ways that I never would let my other lovers do,
Allowing such abuse under the guise of friendship and familiarity,
I guess I fell for the illusions of love the way you did,
And in the end we both let the lies we painted get the better of us.
But this is where our tragic love song ends,
Where we find those that are better and worthy of our damaged love.
So goodbye to your and your fabricated tells,
And I hope the damage won’t be enough to ruin us for the rest of this game,
As we fall down and down and down towards the deceptions we created for love.

18 thoughts on “fabricated tells

      • operalover1974 says:

        I don’t think it’s the worst thing that could happen to a person. Unnecessary missed opportunities or gifts/miracles/joy are. Stubbornness or unwillingness to change or compromise for the sake of love is. Conditional love is. Never to have loved is. I’ve never regretted loving anyone. Not just romantic love. But I’ve never actually thought in my head, “God I wish I never loved Aunt Jemima!”
        And there’s no other way for certain lessons to be learned except through love. We were created to love. I believe that if somebody never feels love for another or doesn’t receive love in return, their socio/emotional growth is stunted. And loneliness/isolation is another worst thing to happen to a person. We all need each other on this Earth. I bet on one’s Deathbed not many regret giving love, because there is no lesson learned in that. There’s no good that can come from long-term regret or Revenge. Anger and fear do not get the job done. Love is always the answer.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. blindzanygirl says:

    Oh my! You have me crying almost, now. This is my story too but I could never write it the way you have. You are SO gifted. Amazing. Thankyou again

    Liked by 1 person

  2. sxft says:

    I absolutely love this – you weave words magically together to make me FEEL, rather than read, them. This resonated with me on such a deep level. Thank you for you and your beautiful writing

    Liked by 1 person

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