I wish I could make you proud,
I wish I could see the smile that graces your face in the dead on the night,
But I know these feeling are reserved for those disentangled and close to your heart,
So I sit and crack jokes at both our expenses,
Knowing we could never get to the place where ignorance is bliss,
But fuck if we don’t try anyways.
I’ve never seen you smile that way, mouth wide, eyes closed in bliss,
Only captured by a moment in a timeless photo,
Surrounded by faces I’ve grown distant from,
So I wait and hope that the tears falling from my eyes are that of joy,
For how can I explain my sadness in a positive light?
I have so much more than those around me—so good, so good, how can I be sad?
But for all I have, can it possibly be enough to make you smile?
How can I prove you wrong, when I can never be right in mind?
I know you are feeling alone, the smile amongst strangers as plain as day,
But I know you will walk away, waiting for the day when I let my guard down.
Of all the feelings you hide, is it worth it in the end?
My wish is to make you proud, (I’m sorry for the way I am)
But how can pride come forth when there is nothing new to be coveted.
And so I wait in an unbroken promise, needing to be explained and sought.
I wish I could make you smile, if only for a moment, trapped in single day.